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12 year old self harming 'everyone in my school does it'

9 replies

Libby456 · 10/07/2014 01:12

hi everyone, i hope you can help me in this.

Im friend with a mother of 8, one of her DDs is in year 7, shes 12 and shes been self harming. She comes from a loving family and for the three years i have known her she has been a very happy child.
She does however 'go with the social flow' as i put it. She hangs round with a 16 year old boy who self harms.
Her wrists were noticed by her sisters and her mum, when asked why she says everyone in my school does it, its normal.

While im aware its a common issue in schools i am concerned she is doing this simply because people she looks up to does it.

She puts on very concerning photos on instagram that have shown the cuts with little pill and knife emoticons. As i have had experience with self harm i messaged her offering a shoulder any time she needed, which she declined.

I really dont know what to do to help.

friend's DD knows exactly where to cut and they are quite severe so im extreemly worried she will really hurt herself because she thinks she should be doing it at her age.

I know this is not an easy question but any advice or experience willing to share i would really appreciate it.

Thank you.
Libs X

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Mrsjayy · 10/07/2014 11:26

Does her mum know I would tell her I know its nice to have another adult to talk tp but u have to tell her parents, sh is a mental health problem but you do get some kids who follow the trend

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Libby456 · 10/07/2014 15:29

her mum knows. i've said her sisters and mum know about the cuts.
She's very concerned and confused as none of her other children have done this. she doesnt like the fact that she hangs round with the 16 year old, she thinks he is a bad influence. She's also started to shoplift.
Mum is trying to arrange councelling but is feeling very overwhelmed.

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Mintyy · 10/07/2014 15:35

I was speaking to a friend at a party this weekend just gone. Her dd (Yr 8) has become friends with a girl at a local secondary who self harms, and the other girls in her group also do it "in sympathy" apparently! My friend is, understandably, very concerned about her dd getting caught up in it. Her dd doesn't have many friends and she seems to have latched on to this group slightly. It is extremely worrying.

I might get some people's backs up but I think the internet has a lot to do with the glamorising of this sort of thing, much the same as anorexia and suicide. Very worrying.

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iseenodust · 10/07/2014 15:44

The girl is 12. She needs work on her self-esteem so she doesn't follow the crowd unthinkingly. I would be into school as her parent, getting that counsellor support asap and setting some unpalatable boundaries on use of internet/nights out/boyfriends.

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Libby456 · 10/07/2014 19:47

I've suggested the elastic band around the wrist to mum. When i was at school peer pressure and fitting in was a big thing too but with all this social media it is so worrying. DD was a very confident girl and now im worried this 'fitting in' thing is going to gradually turn in to something serious.
Im very close with this family, its like its my DD or sister going through this so it is unbearable to watch. mum has said she always says the wrong things as a result of the concern. She also says the school is aware of the self harm 'fad' but instead of having assemblies or workshops on this have them about appropriate school uniform.
Thanks for everyones comments

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Travelledtheworld · 11/07/2014 06:53

Yes this goes on at my DDs school too esp Year 8. And the school don't seem to be tackling it very well. I don't understand it but it seems to be made worse by Facebook and Instagram. I think be supportive and aware of what they are doing but try get them away from their phones and computers . Can she find a new interest/ hobby/ BF ?

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anthropology · 11/07/2014 09:18

just another perspective from a mum whose daughter self harmed with no help from friends or the internet. Although there appears to be an issue of self harm copying in schools, its safer not to assume they are copying others, and look into why they particularly are doing it or are attracted to it. Depression , happens in loving families, to children and teens from all backgrounds and it is an illness. Most of the lovely girls I met in hospital/camhs with my DD, self harmed to relieve emotional pain and only when the issues causing them to self harm were addressed and they were taught other coping strategies, did things get better. Mental health issues often show themselves around 12-14 which shocks parents. I agree with Libby that there absolutely should be more understanding of self harm and MH issues to years 7 and 8 and their parents as assuming your teens are fine because they are loved and from a nice family, might not be enough. Sadly, slashing funding for Camhs makes it harder for teens to be assessed and helped swiftly. Parents can read up on how to talk to a teen who self harms, via Young Minds website or similar. It does help a little.

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Libby456 · 12/07/2014 13:32

Thank you so much anthropology!
I know that the most 'normal' looking young lady can have issues they keep to themselves, i will pass on all this info to mum and hopefully she will be able to communicate effectively with DD.
Thank you everyone, i really appreciate everyone's comments
Libs x

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specialsubject · 12/07/2014 18:02

of course it isn't normal, it is disturbed behaviour, and of course everyone doesn't do it.
.
Bit extreme to be 'cool' or the standard sheeplike behaviour, so hope mum can sort it out. Sounds like step 1 is to make her see that the 16 year old is ill, not cool and needs help.

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