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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

16 yo DS with AS had first drink

12 replies

BaconAndAvocado · 09/07/2014 23:00

DS has just been out, for the first time, down the local park with some friends.

He got back 10 minutes ago and said he'd had some cider. Probably half a glass.

Having AS he's never had a social life, so it's great he's been out with friends but I'm not happy about the alcohol side of,things.

He's 17 in December and I believe him when he said he only had half a glass. I know that lots of 16 year olds drink so I don't know whether to come down hard or not.

OP posts:

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plentyofwine · 10/07/2014 02:40

Why would you come down hard?

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GertieFinkle · 10/07/2014 03:03

Erm...because it's illegal for them to be buying booze at that age and everything it says here - link is to the drink aware site

BaconandAvocado - maybe rather than coming down hard on him, a frank talk about the consequences of alcohol consumption on his and his friend's behaviour. Obviously he hasn't come home wrecked or anything but just a few words about staying safe, peer pressure etc. I don't know really, my dc are a few years off drinking years. Dh and are virtually teetotal (haven't always been) so mine don't have experience of alcohol at home. Does your DS (small wine with meals etc?) Hopefully some posters with more teens experience will be along later. I didn't want to leave you with just the one spectacularly annoying answer.

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OorWullie · 10/07/2014 03:09

I don't have teens, but it's not that long ago that I was 16. I would have a frank talk to him about being safe if he does choose to drink, not going over the score and the consequences (illness, putting himself in danger etc).

He has been open with you about what has happened, let him know that that's a good thing, my mum came down terribly hard on me when she realised i'd had a can of lager at 16, she took my phone away and grounded me, as well as cutting my contact with friends via the internet. It didn't stop me drinking, it made me keep drinking but lie to her constantly about what I was up to.

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Heyho111 · 10/07/2014 07:07

Be careful about what you do.
You said he hasn't had many friends so you don't want to spoil this opertunity.
He told you about drinking which most teens don't tell their parents.
If you come down hard you could effect his new friendships and he could stop telling you the truth.
Every 16 year old try's alcohol. I'd just say in a jokey way - don't make a habit of it mind.

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SixImpossible · 10/07/2014 07:15

No need IMO to come down on him in any way. Just chat with him about it and make sure he understands the risks and consequences of drinking alcohol.

And, very importantly - especially given that he has AS - make sure that he understands that he is in charge of his drinking, that he does not have to drink simply because others do or tell him to, and that he can stop when he chooses. Talk to him about responsible drinking, about enjoying a drink slowly rather than necking it.

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Trollsworth · 10/07/2014 07:19

I wouldn't come down hard, you risk turning him into a liar.

I would talk to him about safety and peer pressure, and I would emphasise that he can call you no matter what, and you will collect him with no questions asked.

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PenelopePitstops · 10/07/2014 07:28

Agree with everyone else. Coming down hard will mean he lies. How many 16yos don't have a drink in the park.

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OwlCapone · 10/07/2014 07:32

I wouldn't "come down hard" on him but I would have a frank discussion about the dangers of alcohol and that learning to stop before you get too drunk.

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Bumpsadaisie · 10/07/2014 07:33

?? All 16 yr olds drink. When I was 15 my friend and I went on post GCSE "cycling holiday" to Mull. Needless to say the bikes only got used to get from the ferry to Tobermory, the rest of the time we spent knocking back Lambrini on the rocks of the bay, reading Jackie Collins and smoking roll ups.

(We werent delinquents either - we both did v well at school!)

Unless the AS thing brings with it special circumstances I'm not familiar with, it would be OTT to get cross with a 16 yr old for half a glass of cider!

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headlesslambrini · 10/07/2014 07:37

I think its a fairly normal experience for a 16yr old. However the AS would make it a little more complicated but use it as a way of starting 'those' discussions.

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NeoFaust · 10/07/2014 07:44

I'm an aspie, I had my first drink with a group of friends when I was 16. Please, for the love of heaven, don't come down on him hard. Alcohol inebriation, for me, put me on the same mental wave length as my peers for the first time ever. When everyone has deliberately made themselves a socially inept idiot it makes socialising so much more survivable. A talk about the dangers and safety are wise, but after my parents saw the change in myself they paid for my half bottle of Smirnoff every party.

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BaconAndAvocado · 10/07/2014 09:43

Thank you all for your superb advice! This reinforces why I love MN so much

You're absolutely right about not coming down hard, I was just worried as it was his first time. That would have been a knee jerk reaction and a wrong one.

NeoFaust your post has had a huge effect on me. Thank you. And it made me laugh - to all be socially inept idiots must be empowering!