My 14 yr old d is vile to me

[samantha290]

Hi my 14 yr old d is becoming more and more vile to me I more than fair to her but she keeps saying she's going to live with her dad if something doesn't go her way . If I ask her to do small jobs she doesn't or watch her little sister the strop is un real she tells me to shut up if I have ago even swears at me .. I pay for her mobile she has sky in her room I find discipline hard to carry out she won't listen when grounded constantly playing me off with her dad I feel heart broken and don't know what to do at my whites end totally ripped apart and she acts like she cares less she walked out tonight and gone to her fathers herd nothing since should I block her phone and remove all goodies from her bedroom I need advice thank you x

[Needadvice5]

I feel for you. my Dd is 13 and a complete nightmare at times!

I'm finding that she responds better to strict boundaries. I have to carry out all my threats, phone and I pad removed etc

[RJnomore]

Hi

I have a 14 year old daughter too and she can be hard work.

But you need to lay down the line as to how she can and cannot treat you.

Yes, phone blocked, sky removed, etc and let her earn them back.

I'm in a different situation as I'm still with her dad so others may have advice on that front but I would be tempted to let her go - say I love you and I want you to live here but I need you to treat me with respect, so if you can or will not do that then fine, go to your dads... Make sure she knows she is still wanted at your home but that her behaviour will not be tolerated.

And as is often said on here, pick your battles, don't argue over the little things, and remember to tell her when she does do something good.

I hear they grow out of it eventually...

[Wolfiefan]

Every action has a consequence.
Luxuries like Sky (really? In her room?) have to be earnt.
Her father should be supporting you (ie not allowing her to storm off round there and avoid consequences.)

[samantha290]

I've now been deleted off her Facebook it's horrible as a parent to be treated like this from the child you gave birth to and raised properly .. I'm now on a mission phone will be blocked I.ll remove goodies TV sky etc from her room until she can earn them back firstly by apologising to me and her younger 6 year old sister .
I wouldn't of dreamt talking to my parent's like she does me I don't think I'd be around if I did x

[TeenAndTween]

What's your relationship with her Dad like?
Is he likely to back you up and be firm too, or will he let her walk all over him?
Would he be willing to have her with him full time?
If so would he step up and do good parenting?

I think all of the above may make a difference to how you handle things. The trouble with separated parents is it gives the teen an alternative to strict Mum. You don't hold all the cards (unless Dad will back you up too).

So if you are firmer (which is what I would suggest), is going to Dad's really an option? Which would be worse for her, you being more lenient or her being at Dads? Could you actually cope if you don't get this under control anyway?

Sorry, not much help.

[samantha290]

My ex plays mind games he took my 7 year old 11 years ago mind swept him till he hated me and I was the bad guy then my son started to come back to me when he was 13 he's now 18 but still lives with his dad I suffered years of domestic abuse by this man and he gets off my hurting me through my children my eldest son moved when he was 14 because he was getting in to trouble with drink etc my ex always wanted all three and also offers her money to move to his he.s not supportive at all and never paid a penny until last year when I went to csa unfortunately I feel I'm fighting a loosening battle and that he will win one day ..
My two sons do come and see me have meals here but my ex has brain washed them to his way of thinking it will be 11 years this Xmas since I had a Xmas day with my youngest son hardest thing ever when u take a present and can't see him because in his little head your in the wrong the only thing that kept me going is that one day he.d see what his father was like for himself and now at 18 he does my 2 sons come every week for tea and I arrange a day over Xmas to spend with them at mine for Xmas to give them there presents my eldest son is 21 youngest 18 last thing I want is my daughter to be brain washed by such a human being ..

[smileyforest]

I really feel for you....I'm having deep trouble atm with my 17yold....its hard being a single parent and dealing with it but even harder when the other parent does not support...and like you left an abusive marriage...my 16yr old lives with his Dad...does come over though...but its terrible as some of the traits of my ex...I see in my sons....just going to post and hope for support...off work with stress..today ...((((:

[samantha290]

Hugs to you Smiley forest it's very hard seeing your son's turn into there fathers hopefully he.ll see what his father is really like one day and make him a better person xx keep smiling