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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

dd 16.5 and her broken heart

19 replies

mosaicone · 07/07/2014 19:36

I am at the end of my tether with her.
She broke up with bf a couple of weeks ago "because we are just not happy" etc etc. And boy have we all paid the price since. She is a grumpy, horrible child from hell now, so entitled and thinks she is 25 and I am one step from taking her "screens" off her and well.... god knows.
ALL she does is stare at ipod/phone and expressions range from the odd smirk (thatll be xxxxx being funny) to running off in tears. She has two younger brothers, one of which is sick to the back teeth of her coming into his room and crying about it.
Wow we sounds LOVELY dont we but I really cant take any more. She is so unpleasant to be around.
I need advice to get her through it but believe me, I have mopped every tear, been on the end of the phone every time she is hysterical, sat with her night after night reassuring her and I just cant do it any more.
When I went through this kind of thing at her age, the last thing I wanted was my mum to know.
I seriosly dont know what more I can do/how much I can take. She is being awful.

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Lagoonablue · 07/07/2014 19:38

Aw young love......when I was that age I didn't tell my parents anything, let alone boyfriend stuff. Be glad she wants to share. Think you may just have to ride this one out......

Pancakeflipper · 07/07/2014 19:43

Awww. Thank goodness 16yr hearts heal. Will being busy help her? You might need to drag her out of the house doing fun things.

mosaicone · 07/07/2014 19:52

she cant bear to be near me, just been screaming in my face about why would she bother talking to me, Ive just gone and cried n another room but I am so so mad that she is taking it out on us.
I just threatened to send her to her dads to "live". and she just launched at me "go on, go on". Unfortunately, I posted earlier about what a twat he is and I doubt he'd have her. She has the option of my mums house but as they live in spain, thats free house for her which wouldt be ideal.... I need her out of this room, shes sitting sobbing on other couch.

I know I sound awful. Im not, im ust on the edge.

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JenniferJo · 07/07/2014 20:01

It's only been a couple of weeks. Poor girl. Give her support and help her through it. You sound very mean.

mosaicone · 07/07/2014 20:03

I do I know, Ive been typing at haste while doing a million things, Im not that awful. I have been there for her every step and taken everything she has (literally) thrown at me. Tonight it was her ipod while screaming in my face.
Ill post more later. Im not a witch, just very very tired and stressed and worried.

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beachyhead · 07/07/2014 20:11

Hasn't she got a mate she can 'offload' onto, rather than you? I must admit I would probably just leave her to her own devices and ignore the pitiful wailing. Take the boys out for late supper....

todayisnottheday · 07/07/2014 20:12

Oh gosh, teens have an incredible way of spreading their pain around don't they

With my dd it sort of boils down to "I feel worthless and like no one can possibly like me never mind love me so I'll prove it by shoving away the people I know love me the harshest way I know how". My only advice is to ride it out. Keep telling her when her behaviour is unacceptable but resist the urge to bite back and find a way to tell her you care any time you can. Eventually it'll get through that she can't push you away even if she behaves badly which will slowly translate into her realising she isn't worthless and is loveable to other people too.

Also invest in wine, earplugs and a good friend you can visit as regularly as you need for time out!

mosaicone · 07/07/2014 20:29

^^ thank you todayisnottheday - this sums it up I think!

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mosaicone · 07/07/2014 21:08

Things a lot calmer, she's happy ( for now, off phone, funny that!) And we're watching tv together.
Sorry for emotional rant, it's been horrible but when things are calm I can see past it.

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todayisnottheday · 07/07/2014 21:19

Cherish those moments! They'll carry you through

Pangaea · 07/07/2014 21:45

Heartbreak doesn't hurt any less as a teenager, but knowing how to deal with it only comes later with experience.

Just ride it out, but with firm boundaries. Rationally she knows she can't act like this, so rational punishments would be fair. But bear in mind that she's hurting. Do the toddler thing - hold her as she cries. Let her cry and talk to her about acting out. But reassure that you love her all the same.

Time will heal. Always does.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 07/07/2014 23:30

It's hideous.
DD2 was dumped after a year by her wanker of a boyfriend..by text.She was 17 and mid AS levels. She sobbed.. and I mean sobbed, non stop for a week.. all day, all night. I had to sleep with her at night, her Dh held her, her sister and brother hugged her and held her as she sobbed..and it was still awful. She was still sobbing a month later, and was awful to us.

Let her be awful and try not to react..she is a toddler again screaming at the unfairness of life and it will pass.

First real love is a bitch. DD2 is now 20 and in a new relationship..but it has taken her nearly 3 years to get to the point that she could trust a man again..and this one had to wait and be just a friend for a year (!) before she let him in.

DS1 also fell apart when the love of his life (from 14-17) broke it off with him.. it was awful..my strong funny son, a sobbing mess...but it passed and now at 21 he has a lovely gf who might even be the one.

I have found it one of the hardest parts of parenting.. watching a young adult in emotional pain and not being being to fix it with a hug ..but it passes... :)

Schoolchauffeur · 08/07/2014 10:37

It's so tough seeing them suffer and based on a further 30 years of experience you want them to believe you that in 30 years time she probably won't even remember the boys surname and that she will be happy settled with someone else, but it doesn't mean anything to them!

It does get easier with time. Dd was dumped via Facebook message a year ago today when her boyfriend decided to end their two year relationship overnight. She was distraught for a few weeks and every couple of months I would still find her in tears over it. Just two months ago she started seeing someone else and is finally over what happened.

We didn't suffer any of the physical violence you are seeing, but as well as being very sad, she was very very angry and there was bit of vicious talk sometimes towards us and her sibling. All you can do is repeat that you are there for her, sorry this has happened to her but that she can't allow it to affect all her other relationships too. Don't rise to the bait if she is picking fights. Give her time and space. Good luck!

Isthiscorrect · 08/07/2014 16:11

I know you don't feel like it (and I can quite understand why) but be glad you are there for her even if she doesn't seem to appreciate it. Ds is off to uni in September and has never had a girlfriend. I dread the day this happens and we are not there to support him. He won't even be able to come home as we live overseas.
Chin up, it really will pass

FantaSea · 08/07/2014 18:32

My DD was dumped when she was 17 by a long-term bf over facebook message. He did it right out of the blue and it was awful, she was so shocked and upset. She cried for about a week - the worst part for me was her telling me over and over that she had lost her best friend. There was nothing I could do apart from listen to her, I couldn't fix it or make it any better, and that is hard as a parent as we are used to having all the answers. You have my sympathy, it is a truly dreadful time.

mosaicone · 08/07/2014 20:35

Thanks all so much, you are helping a lot.
She kicked off in town when I took her to get something earlier. She then had to trail around after me as she hadnt got her keys.
Parents who live abroad saw the tension and invited her to stay tonight - theyre not abroad at the moment, going back next week, so she jumped at the chance but is home tomorrow.
We can have a bit of nice time, but she is just so depressed, she snaps and is rude to me most of all. And it doesnt take a genius to work out you lash out at the ones your closest to.

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mosaicone · 09/07/2014 07:18

Ok. Curve ball. She was worrying a "list" the other night of things she needs to pack for a festival in a few weeks. I had look cos she asked me to get stuff for her. Turns out she's getting stoned every day.
Do I still accept the mood swings?? Christ, this child.

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mosaicone · 09/07/2014 07:36

*writing

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beachyhead · 09/07/2014 11:10

Are you sure? Seems she's been round the house a lot since this happened. When is she getting stoned and who with?

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