teen daughters and padded bras

[starsahead]

my two attractive teenage daughters 13 and 14 are wanting to wear padded bras as their friends are taking the mickey out of them as they are small chested, at 32b and 32a. Most of their friends are taller and generally of a bigger build and are putting pressure on them to be bigger in the chest department. I have tried to reassure them that they are lovely as they are and are sized in proportion to the rest of their body and question their friends for saying things against their body shape. This of course doesn't help as they then say that they therefore have no friends. They say in response that they feel intimidated by their friends and feel more confident with bigger chests and would rather have friends like this than no friends. I feel sad that they are so young and feel pressured to try to be appealing sexually when they are not even sexually active. They tell me I am old fashioned and that things are different now then when I was their age. Any thoughts on how to handle this without falling out with them and being told i am old fashioned?

[Mumof3xox]

They just want to be like their friends

[Listmaker]

I was a late developer and hated it. I didn't want to be sexy. I just wanted to be like everyone else! There weren't so many padded bras around in those days so I had to suffer. My two dds (16 and 14) are pretty small too but wear padded bras. Some are a bit ridiculous (primark ones!) But it makes them feel better. Let them do it I say...

[KeithTheCat]

bet they're not actually 32a and 32b.

get thee to a bra interventionist!

[PetraArkanian]

I was going to say exactly the same thing....

[MrsDavidBowie]

Dd wore padded bras as hated nipoles showing

[KeithTheCat]

www.thebetterbracampaign.blogspot.com

[KeithTheCat]

oh pants, I don't know how to do links!

[AuntieStella]

I agree with other posters. Could you post their exact measurements for a bra intervention?

But even a well fitting pretty padded bra isn't going to make their friends pleasant. This is either bullying something very close to it, in the sense of targeted and persistent denigration based on a physical characteristic that cannot be changed.

What do you have planned for the summer holidays? Are there any nice friends (who are not picking on them) who you can encourage contact with?

[madwomanbackintheattic]

I would be working through some suitable responses with them, so that come back at their 'friends' with some light hearted retorts that puncture the nonsense of being big chested equals 'popularity'.

Dd1 is 14. Her friends are all different shapes and sizes. She spends a large proportion of the week in dance wear. At costume time, the dance school have a hell of a time with ordering sizes, as at this point girls' shapes change practically overnight. It's not an issue for any of them and I have never even heard it discussed. Some girls are extremely petite, completely flat and boyish figures, others are much heavier with very obvious hips, boobs that need a great deal of support not to be distracting when they are dancing...

Variation is pretty much the name of the game in body shapes. They need some support to understand this, not validation that the expectation towards a culturally acceptable 'sexy' a la freaking la Senza giant wonder bra window display is normal and should be encouraged.

I wouldn't be buying new padded bras for teens, unless their concerns were more towards nipple coverage (ie a t shirt bra to give a smoother outline for modesty), rather than faking big tits.

I'd be concerned about what the message 'yes, yes, be like your friends' was going to do to them in the longer term. And I'd also not want them to turn out like these particular 'friends' to be honest.

Do they do anything with their bodies that helps see them in any other light other than pre-sexual? Any sports? And hobbies that require strength, agility? Any thing else that might encourage them to move away from the purely aesthetic and realise what a load of old crap it is?

[pasanda]

I would get them for them. THis doesn't mean that all their lives they are going to have friends who treat them like this. Teens can be mean, but they all grow up eventually!!

[SittingNextToSanta]

My dd's had padded bra's.

The oldest as she was a late developer and hasn't got much.

The youngest because her breasts did not match in size, and the difference was noticable.

Get them one cup size up and they will soon fill them up.

[OwlCapone]

I would let them have lightly padded bras. At this point in the school year, I'd probably wait til the summer holidays so they don't suddenly look bigger on top and attract attention to the fact that they have padding.

Being a teenage girl can be miserable if you feel different.

[MaryRose]

My 13 yo wears lightly padded bras, she just finds them more comfortable. I haven't thought a great deal about it really and I don't think it's a big issue, it's not like you'd be shopping for her at Victoria's Secret. You cn't even tell most of them are padded these days.

[mathanxiety]

One thing that never seems to go out of fashion is 'friends' who are bitches.

Your DDs need new friends. Real ones this time.

They are not trying to be sexually appealing. They are trying to stop the bitches they call 'friends' from bullying them. My guess is there is one ringleader and everyone else has fallen into line behind her.

Get yourself a copy of 'Queen Bees and Wannabees' by Rosalind Wiseman, then stay up all night and read it.

Madwoman:
I'd be concerned about what the message 'yes, yes, be like your friends' was going to do to them in the longer term. And I'd also not want them to turn out like these particular 'friends' to be honest.
This ^^

[starsahead]

Thanks all for your comments you have helped me jump from a knee jerk reaction to understanding the bigger picture. The second padded bra that my 14 yo bought was a leopard print two sizes above her natural size so was therefore a D, from Primark. I felt it looked too tarty. Have agreed to return the Primark bra and buy both daughters lightly padded and more subtly shaped bras rather than the ones that are in your face revealing the cleavage, it is more about how you wear rather than what you are showing.

[taxi4ballet]

It seems to be almost impossible to buy anything other than padded bras for teens any more anyway. At their age they just want to be like their friends and wear similar stuff - I don't think there is anything to be too concerned about really. They are going to be far more self-conscious about their emerging figures if they're embarrassed about wearing uncool bras!

Perhaps you could suggest a special Mum and Girls shopping trip in the school holidays, with a visit to a cake/coffee/hot chocolate cafe afterwards. If you check out a few shops first you can steer them towards places that sell stuff that you would be ok with, and also 'cool' enough for them...

[Mrsjayy]

My dds always have wore padded t shirt bras dd1 was always white d2 a bit more adventurous and had coloured ones its not about being sexy and having cleavage at that age its about being comfortable and fitting In

[Mrsjayy]

Dd2 wears non underwired bras if that helps you decide

[Hakluyt]

My dd always chose slightly padded bras and I could never understand why- she told me years later it was because the worst thing that could possibly happen was to show even the faintest hint of a nipple and padded bras made sure you didn't.........

[Mrsjayy]

I dont like show through either so ican imagine a girl would hate it