12yr old DD eating minute amounts.

[CherryOrchard53]

DD high achiever.@ grammar school, being socially ostracised in school, bullied.not been eating on regular 3 meals a day for at least a month. Waking up not sleeping. She lost all confident lovely chatty self. Withdrawn. Refusing to go to school. Wants to move.
Been into sch. As much use as choc T pot.
Presume she's got anorexia Nervosa.
What do I do? On my own. She sees her dad 2/3 times a week.as much use as choc Tpot.

[TanteRose]

take her to your GP

also see www.camh.org.uk/

find your local CAMHs

your poor DD - hope you can get her some help soon

at the school - don't they have bullying/mental health guidelines?

[lougle]

Your poor DD. I think it's a bit of a leap to presume it's anorexia nervosa. That's about exerting control over your life. She could 'simply' be depressed and has lost her appetite.

Is she openly eating small amounts, or does she seem secretive? Has she been weighing herself or talking about weight in herself/others/celebrities? Has she started/increased exercise lately?

Do take her to the GP but try not to worry too much at this stage.

[Christmascandles]

I think the eating thing is a red herring to be honest. I think you need to get to the bottom of why she has become withdrawn and why she doesn't want to go to school....
My first thought is that she's being bullied. Ring school again. What is their bullying policy..?
I know its hard on your own and it's a shame your ex isn't more supportive, but don't write her off with an eating disorder.
AN is more about control. Your DD sounds more worried/ anxious IMO.
For you. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

[CherryOrchard53]

Every sch has anti-B policy but covered in dust in sch cabinets..they offered counselling not going to work.out of classes, with 3 witches twittering behind her back.Hates sch. Refuses to go in.
Obv.I'm very concerned. She wants to move sch.
Take her to Doc later. Thnx.

[CherryOrchard53]

Thnx
She is being bullied. She high achiever& wants to be involved with everything.got part sch show.level7s in year 7. Now she dropped out of sch show. Nowhere to sit at lunch. All other friend groups formed.girls in her class really mean tht were her friends but ostracising her. She sociable. Wants to be with popular girls.Always made friends.so this is the root.thought AN because she want to exercise more& never hungry when I make the meal. Last night she flipped at fave food macaroni cheese& wants to go veggy.doesnt like carbs.She talked of being really tall& it not fair.crying herself to sleep. Waking up lots. Withdrawn. Not wanting to do stuff.not bubbly self.dont want to involve Cams tbh. Very very hard.she talking to me so I thankful for tht.

[Helpys]

What are you doing cherry?
Are you offering meals, including snacks and drinks? Have you told her you're worried about her? You've noticed she's not sleeping? Have you told her, she can talk to you? Asked her what's worrying her? It does sound like bullying/ anxiety.

[CherryOrchard53]

Yes I discussed tht@ meeting with head year 7. Altho originally told Dep head. B4 she started@ this sch last Sept, going thru trauma break up from her dad so asked sch if she could be with her bf from primary who passed too. It was a no.she had to make new friends.did.then jealousy kicked in.really not nice girls in her form. Went to meeting said I wanted her moved.i don't think we can do that. So I say if there's a will there's a way.
DD now hates it all.hates lessons.boring.
I can move her. Just ?.3wks til end of term.
I am offering her snacks.
She takes packed lunch. Celery sticks cream cheese.pepper sticks and dip. Peach for bfast.
She's eating but very small amounts or skipping meals.
I noticed the scales in bathroom had been changed.
She talks about food carbs cheese being full of fat.
Not interested in celebs.
What to say to Doc if she'll go?thnx

[ExcuseTypos]

I would go back to the school and ask them to sort this out. Your poor dd needs support from them. Surely they can't just ignore the change in her personality and eating habits?

If they won't do anything then I think your only option is to move her.

[CherryOrchard53]

Thnx everyone..
How to tempt her to eat tho.
Go see doc without her? Not sure what to say in front of her?

[TanteRose]

actually, I have just remembered that my DD (who is 16 now) did go through a phase of not eating much, she just sort of lost her appetite for a bit (maybe hormone-related)

in your case, of course, there is so much more going on, but the decreased appetite might have happened without all the other stuff anyway.

just a thought

[CherryOrchard53]

Cheers

[ephpa95]

Get in touch with school (set up a meeting with form teacher, head of year and head of pastoral care) at once. Years 7 - 9 are social hell. Do they have a school counsellor? Get the school to have sessions with her at once. Many schools have a "big sister" scheme - she needs a wise girl from the head girl and boy team to possibly coach her through this difficult phase. And yes, do follow advice of Tante Rose - you must address this problem both from the school and from home. Throw out scales. No scales in the house. She must realise that the popular group is not necessarily the group she wants to be with. Go through a list of her year and see who she finds nice. Organise play dates with the one or two kids she likes. Don't over focus on the eating right now but address her unhappiness. The eating is about controlling something in a situation where she feels out of control. You will have to take time and go out and do some fun things with her to distract her. Poor child and poor you. But there is help out there and go for it!

[specialsubject]

obviously she is talking nonsense but that's not the issue. The issue is school being made hell by some nasty females. In the adult world this leads to disciplinary action or criminal proceedings - so why are kids allowed to get away with it?

raise the roof at the school, escalate, get these nasty girls out or punished.

yes, I know easier said than done but it disgusts me that bullying is still ignored in 2014. And I hear your school is not alone.

[Portlypenguin]

I am a psychiatrist with experience in adolescent issues. I would see your GP asap and discuss. Ask for a referral to CAMHS immediately. Sounds like an eating disorder +/- low mood. All the evidence suggests early intervention gives the best results. You can get support from the charity BEAT who are fantastic.
In the meantime limit exercise unless DD eats properly, make sure she is drinking enough, offer three meals and two snacks daily of sufficient calories and offer space to talk.
Good luck!

[lucydaniels4658]

My Dd went through a very similar stage . I made lots of milkshakes with protein in and threw ice cream in cunningly so she was getting loads of calories from that. I took her to GP who said he was reffering her for councelling that seemed to snap her out of it (although that wont be case for all i know).
My Dd hates school also and still does 3 years later its so difficult teenage girls can be sooooo bitchy it often destroys their confidence!

[taxi4ballet]

Has the bullying been in any way related to her appearance? Girls can say really hurtful things.

[CherryOrchard53]

Hi Thanks for all your messages.
I've been rather preoccupied recently..I took DD to the Doc.blood press& underweight for her height. She skipped meals said she'd eaten and then I found it hidden. She went into meltdown if I put minuscule of oil in pan because it would make her fat. She drank loads of water to make her feel full. She admitted she had eating disorder.
I hid the scales she found them. They left the house the same hour. She been back to the docs this morning and is 2kg under than 2 weeks ago even though I watch what she eats within reason as can't watch at school. Then I sit with her so she can't run to the bathroom. I've got iron satchets &vits too. She eats weetabix. Other things too now but little and low cal, I was torn between the devil and deep blue sea. I had to be cruel to be kind because I'd tried the softly softly approach but we have good heart to hearts too and I'm giving unconditional love. She's seeing specialist counsellor not with CAMHS.
I fought the school and they decided to move her to a different class with bf for Sept. She will still come across these girls tho and she's anxious about that.
I appreciate all the comments you've contributed to.

[CherryOrchard53]

Hi Lucy
May seem stupid but how did you make these milkshakes with protein?
Someone suggested buying them like athletes take but not sure..
Thanks