Driving with friends

[rhubarbcrumbleplease]

DS 1 is learning to drive. Am anxious about the whole process; he has a black box & I'm constantly banging on about RTC HCP worked in A&E.
The deal was no driving loads of mates about for the 1st year.

His friend has passed his test, I've seen him drive & he seems OK but possibly too fast. There's a party tomorrow night & the friend has offered to collect DS & take him (with another lad). I've said I'd rather drive DS the 15 miles myself but he feels mortified that he must decline the offer.

What to do? Accept that this is how it will be & that I'm being neurotic or stand firm?

[OwlCapone]

I would be worried that the driver would have a drink at the party.

[Georgethesecond]

No. No driving with mates yet. Your DS will blame you to his mates and then get over it.

[rhubarbcrumbleplease]

They're staying over. But, of course might come home too early for the alcohol to be out of his system.

[chocoluvva]

I'd tell him you understand his mortification but 15 miles with a back-seat passenger and a young male driver is adding risk upon risk. Could he invent an excuse to not go until a bit later or something so that he doesn't have to admit to 'not being allowed'?

[rhubarbcrumbleplease]

Thanks Choc, that's what we've done. A family friend is popping over this evening and I'm insisting DS stay & see him then I will drive him over to the party afterwards

[YourLittleSecret]

I have 18 year old DS and before he learned to drive I said no lifts to groups of lads and no taking lifts either. I told him to blame me or a mythical insurance clause if he wanted to.

He was the first in his group to pass and so lifts with them didn't feature for a long time.
He has been driving over a year now and I have let him give one or two friends a lift during the day but night time lifts are still banned. I would drive him first.
Now his friends are all passing their tests and seemingly all get a car, he feels very unwilling to go in their cars because he looks back and sees how inexperienced he was when he passed his test.

What surprises me is that none of the other parents appear to have interfered like me placed any restrictions on lifts. One lad was seen on his first day driving with his car full of lads, and of course, bass on full volume.
It scares me to death.

[rhubarbcrumbleplease]

Thank you Your. That's exactly how I feel, I'm surprised too by other parents. The statistics are dreadful. DS understands, I think. As long as he gets to the party he's not too bothered.

[Nocomet]

I was brought up in the sort of rural area where we all drove, we all gave lifts and we all accepted lifts.

I expect my DDs will be exactly the same (similar area).

I'm sure I'll be nervous, I know my dad was, but it's a parents lot to shut up and accept it's just another part of growing up.

DDads answer was to buy me a car, so at least I wasn't being driven home by some drunk lad. Thus within two years of passing my test, in a town with one roundabout, one zebra crossing and no traffic lights I was a student driving round a large city at all hours.

[Charlotteamanda1]

It's people offering to do lifts on FB that I really hate. It's a way they can make a few pounds but some drive like lunatics. That has been an out right ban. My daughter is allowed to drive her friends and vica versa but they have got black boxes and they seem sensible. But they're girls. Not sure if that makes a difference.
The rule in our house is , if we see or hear they are driving dangerously the car goes and they can't go in friends cars.
They also contribute it the insurance , buy their own petrol and pay for it's up keep. That takes a lot of weekend working and helps them to appreciate what they've got.

[BackforGood]

It would depend, for me (I have a 17yr old ds, also learning to drive, who has had lifts from mates who have passed). I think it's about trust, which is easier if you know the lads.

[YourLittleSecret]

if you know the lads Well yes but the quiet ones can be the worst.
We are also a very rural area with little public transport. The price as a parent of teenagers is lots of lifts at all hours.
DS has used my car over the last year and clocked up a good lot of miles, albeit rural and small town driving. I didn't buy him a car as he will be off to uni in October.

[Charlotteamanda1]

Nor did we. But she still pays the up keep and her petrol on my car as we pay the insurance. I do give her money to get back and forth college but that's it.
That seems to be what happens with the majority of her friends too.
I