Does anyone want to talk to me about their 14 year old son? Is he anything like mine?

(69 Posts)
Pollycazalet Tue 06-May-14 10:55:47

This weekend he:
Didn't leave the house despite the weather being glorious.
Didn't see friends but played Fifa online with them.
Fiddled with his phone for hours at a time watching youtube.
Mumbled about the cinema but didn't manage to organise it.

He's driving me mad. He does play football but the season has finished, he also has a job a couple of hours a week. Should I be relieved he's not drinking and smoking in the park?

Bonsoir Tue 06-May-14 10:58:35

Yes, count your blessings! It is tedious but normal behaviour. IME it is best for teenaged boys to have some kind of regular commitment (eg tennis lesson, gym session) to get them out of the house at least once a day at the weekend. Their organisational skills are non-existent at this age/stage.

EatShitDerek Tue 06-May-14 10:58:43

Sounds like my 14 year old brother.

Teens these days don't need to go outside to still be in touch with friends.

Back in my day I had to use the landline or go knock on a door if I wanted ro speak to friends.

I was also drinking and smoking in the park though grin

Pollycazalet Tue 06-May-14 11:02:20

Tedious is right.

He has no commitment at the weekend to anything - but I have drawn a blank trying to get him interested in things. Am pinning my hopes on him doing D of E!

gamerchick Tue 06-May-14 11:03:20

It's normal. Mine told me I didn't have a social life because I didn't use various chat apps hmm apparently having a rl one doesn't count.

It's a new age.

exexpat Tue 06-May-14 11:06:04

Sounds pretty normal to me.

DS is 15, and occasionally manages to get up, shower and leave the house at weekends/during the holidays, but also spends many days basically on the computer, either watching stuff or communicating with friends. When he does leave the house it is generally just to 'hang out' with friends, or sometimes go to a gig or a film. He is resolutely uninterested in any kind of organised group activity, and wouldn't even do DofE. But he is happy, has friends, is doing well at school, does actually talk to me etc, so I am not complaining.

SpiderStacy Tue 06-May-14 11:06:10

Sounds a lot like my son. Though he did manage to get to the cinema this weekend, but only after we'd threatened him with a "family day out" if he didn't do something. Does anyone know if/when they grow out of it?

EatShitDerek Tue 06-May-14 11:07:35

I think its weird as at that age I was never in the house. It was the last place I wanted to be. I was always out and in any weather

Bonsoir Tue 06-May-14 11:07:39

DSS2 is nearly 17 and we aren't out of the woods yet. He would rather go for pizza or sushi with us and DD (9) than out with his friends on Saturday night! It makes DD happy so we don't say too much...

Ploppy16 Tue 06-May-14 11:08:22

Mines not 14 for a couple of months but he does do this sometimes. He spent ages building a city on Minecraft yesterday and talking to his mate who lives 5 doors away from us on xbox live confused. I think he got fully dressed at about 2pm..
He doesn't use social media apps though, I've mentioned it before but he's had some issues with FB even though he doesn't have it (was the subject of some bad rumours and bullying before Christmas) so he prefers to stay off it.

Pollycazalet Tue 06-May-14 11:13:15

Derek - I do find it odd for the same reason - I was always out and about, not doing structured stuff but hanging out with friends. Or I would have a friend round and be shut away in my bedroom. But realise girls and boys are different.

I should say is is gorgeous and we've eaten together and watched films etc every evening. He's even played a board game but think that was boredom!

AnyFucker Tue 06-May-14 11:15:18

Yep, sounds just like mine

If it wasn't for ATC, he wouldn't leave the house apart from to go to school

Bonsoir Tue 06-May-14 11:21:20

I think that the organisational skills of boys are at their very lowest ebb in their teens. DSS2 cannot locate anything unless it is right under his nose and as for coordinating two events...

scouseontheinside Tue 06-May-14 11:21:32

Sounds normal. DS2 (14) would surgically attach his arse to the couch if possible.

We do regulate screen time though, because he has no filter and would be on from friday evening through to sunday night, if we left him to it. So during the school term screen hours are friday night to sunday afternoon. Hell to implement (more so with DS1, as he was the reason we set these rules in the first place), but effective and mostly followed now that we are holding firm.

We live near a lake, so we try and do some water stuff as a family on the weekends. We have a boat and inviting friends water skiing is a hit with the older kids!

I always hopefully suggest housework for something to do... but there are never any takers!

scouseontheinside Tue 06-May-14 11:22:35

That made no bloody sense. We have an allotted amount of screen time during these hours I should have said.

Ploppy16 Tue 06-May-14 11:24:20

They're definitely rubbish at organising things. I overheard DS arranging to meet one friend, then they red going to knock on for another friend and go for a hike. They discussed what was needed in great detail, then he came off xbox and asked me to help him find a particular jacket. I asked him what time he was setting off. The answer? "Dunno, innabit' is what I got back. He finally set off an hour after this and his mate wasn't even ready.
Hopeless.

Bowlersarm Tue 06-May-14 11:24:40

Same as my 14 year old, plus the next one up is like this too. Ds1, however, is totally different and has to be out of the house as much as possible.

Megan001 Tue 06-May-14 11:25:17

Same here with my ds who is 15. I did make him attend some family visits at the weekend though but he loves minecraft too. He did do some study yesterday under duress. My biggest problem is dd is following in his footsteps.

BethGoLightly Tue 06-May-14 11:26:53

Thank you for all reassuring me that my 14 year old son is (relatively) normal then as he does the same as your DS OP smile

He just leaves the house three times a week to play tennis and then chats on skype with friends. Apparently his "friends" are not necessarily school friends but ones he plays Minecraft with, he has never met them hmm

Ploppy16 Tue 06-May-14 11:27:58

I did get him to visit his grandparents this weekend, who he adores and always enjoys seeing them. Problem was that my 10 minutes after we got there my Mother asked him to help her sort something out. On her xbox.
He spent an hour on her game doing something on it for her!

TheWordFactory Tue 06-May-14 11:29:34

This sounds very much like my DS (14) OP. During the footie season there is trainng and a weekly match, but once the season ends...my DS used to do a lot of running to a very high level, but it has played havoc with his feet! Coincidentally, I suggested this mornning that he find a replacement for footie and he immediately said cycling or golf... Both with his Dad! He never meets up with mates. He says school is more than enough time to be with them!

TheWordFactory Tue 06-May-14 11:31:31

Dd on the other hand (also 14) spends loads of time with friends. They take any opportunity to sleep over in big gangs, eating sugar and singing along to Les Mis or Pitch Perfect.

Bonsoir Tue 06-May-14 11:32:55

My DSSs go the gym with their father on Sunday mornings - they share a personal trainer - and the DSSs love it (less so DP but it does him no harm and them a lot of good). DSS1 (19) will go on his own to the gym but not DSS2....

Sounds like DS2 (14 in a couple of weeks) and DS1 (16). TBH I was pretty much the same at that age - I didn't start seriously socialising until I was in sixth form. They have friends, they go out for organised things when it suits them (with me, or for clubs - DS1 plays in a folk band, DS2 just been up at the BFI as part of a youth jury judging European films) They're happy so I'm not going to push them out of the house for the sake of it. It probably helps that we have PCs/consoles in the main living room, so even when they're playing Minecraft/League/whatever they're forced to socialise with the rest of us.

Ploppy16 Tue 06-May-14 11:37:25

The really odd thing DS does is voluntarily spend time with us all as a family. He'll come on days out without a complaint and has asked in the past if I can tell his mates he's grounded or out so he doesn't have to tell them he would prefer to stay at home!
I don't mind, he has a social life and plays cricket in the football off season and is generally good company it's just odd as at his age I would spend every waking minute NOT with my parents!

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