DS First Girlfriend. I'm Terrified!!!!

(9 Posts)
merrimug Wed 26-Feb-14 16:36:06

My ds is 13 (14 in Sept). He is very physically mature for his age. Already shaving, wearing mens clothes as so tall etc. He has a girlfriend, they have been going out for a few months. She is 12 nearly 13 (!!!!!). He is allowed in her bedroom at her house, which I'm not entirely happy with but can't do anything about. SHe came back here after school today and went into his room. I walked in and could see they had been snogging as jumped apart and all red faced (gag), so I asked him to leave his door ajar. I am worried sick that they will go too far and have sex. How can I tell him? We have a fairly good relationship and I have always made sure I am 'approachable', his Dad and I split 18 months ago and his Dad is no good at this. Help. I am so worried.

summer68 Wed 26-Feb-14 21:05:11

Hum yes tricky. Here's two suggestions for when they are at your house. Either don't let them go into your ds room and let them have some privacy in your living room. This possibly will naturally lead to THAT conversation. Or you keep making unexpected "visits" to his room!
I'm trying to think of a way to broach the subject with him, but I think that as you know him you will know how best to talk to him. Post here with your ideas before hand to get some opinions.
As for what happens at her house- they may be thinking just like you!!!
But because they are allowed in her room, you do need to talk to him- although chances are he knows more than you!
Isn't parenthood fun...
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. If I think of something constructive I'll let you know!

LastingLight Thu 27-Feb-14 07:22:03

Can you talk to the girlfriend's mum?

TheArticFunky Thu 27-Feb-14 09:40:57

I agree with the other posters. You need to talk to him about relationships and let the other mum know that you would prefer for them not to be in the bedroom.

They are very young to be a "couple" and I would try to encourage them to see their relationship as more of a friendship. Easier said than done when they are already at the snogging stage. Perhaps encourage them to go out sometimes as a foursome and definitely stick to the no bedroom rule.

DS1 was 13 and mature when he had a first GF.
You must do "the talk". He will hate it and tell you he knows it all and they are not doing anything but you have to do it anyway. Explain how hormones and feelings can get out of hand. Try to be calm and matter of fact about it and ask him to talk to you if he thinks they may have sex.
I would let them be alone in the room but only allow her to come round when you are there. ( Better than driving them out to the park).
Door wide open at all times and you pop in unannounced and often.

Talking to the GF mum can be very difficult unless you know her. It's not the same as talking to their friends parents.

chillthefXXkout Thu 27-Feb-14 15:14:39

You may not be able to prevent them from having sex, but you could try and ensure that he knows why safe sex is important, particularly the use of condoms? And also, talk about relationships and how he feels about her? Talking to him about it would help, the no bedroom rule with no conversation might mean they will choose to spend more time at her place!

TeenAndTween Thu 27-Feb-14 15:44:54

chill the girl is 12 !!!!
On no account should the concept of them having sex any time soon be at all encouraged!
Surely the OP needs to give a very strong message that them having sex at this age would be absolutely unacceptable.

Fine to use this as a trigger for talking about sex and relationships in general, but not fine to make it seem as if sex should be anywhere near the agenda yet.

PigletJohn Thu 27-Feb-14 15:57:40

"He is allowed in her bedroom at her house"

who told you that?

TawdryTatou Thu 27-Feb-14 16:26:47

Take it from one who recently had her fingers burned.

Do not trust them an inch. Not one iota. Nothing he says to you about being the least interested person there has ever been in the world when it comes to sex will be true.

Watch them like a hawk, hover like a vulture, remove all the internal doors in the house, and leave large boxes of condoms everywhere.

<voice of bitter experience>

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