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Teenage dd self medicating with cannabis

87 replies

losingdd · 03/08/2006 11:15

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Iklboo · 03/08/2006 11:21

BIL smokes daily. He's changed into something very similar to your dd. Huge mood swings, violent temper tantrums etc.
Cannabis can make depression worse, not better. Then there's the vicious cycle of "feeling depressed, have a spliff, feel better, spliff wears off, feeling depressed...."
She needs help.

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SminkoPinko · 03/08/2006 11:49

Poor you and dd.

How long has this been going on? What is she doing apart from smoking? Is it summer holidays for her? Sometimes recreational use can really escalate worryingly when people don't have much to do, ime. I'm not trying to downplay your worries- this doesn't sound good- but it could be that she will settle down if/when she has a bit more structure in her life. Personally I think I might try attempting to impose/encourage structure to her day rather than tackling the cannabis use head on- can you tell her she needs to go and get a job as you intend to start charging her rent, for example? Or do you have any connections you could call on to help her get some work?

Or is she at school/college/work aleady? How does she function outside the house? Is there anyone apart from family that you/she can call on for support? Did she have any professional help for the depression, for example? I would definitely get back in touch with whoever provided that if so as it sounds like you continue to be concerned about her mental health. Sorry for all these questions. I do hope things improve.

The Talk to Frank website looks good. It's designed for teenagers and parents carers worried about drugs. Looks quite balanced.

homepage here

cannabis info here

email advice for parents available here

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SminkoPinko · 03/08/2006 12:39

This organisation has a helpline.

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losingdd · 03/08/2006 14:34

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foxinsocks · 03/08/2006 14:54

how awful for you

have you been to the GP on your own to have a discussion with him/her about what your options are? some places have residential 'courses' for teens who have depression/drug problems

when you say the depression was discussed with a GP but 'she' decided not to take it further did you mean your dd or the GP?

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liquidclocks · 03/08/2006 15:23

OK, have a little limited experience of this in a professional capacity but I'm not offering a substitute for RL professional advice (just want to make that clear, sorry). I also had depression as a teenager, though I've never used cannabis, so can empathise a bit with your dd.

Practically there is stuff you can do to help her get over this but it is complicated as the drug addiction and depression both need to be addressed. I think she probably could do with RL professional help and someone outside of the home to talk to confidentially about how she feels - but it could be harder to convince her it would help, and if you push too hard you risk alienating her further.

However, I thinks it's good that you're trying to address the issues - my parents knew I was depressed but ignored it, they thought it was one of those things you just 'get over' - it's not, your daughter may take a while to get better but the fact you're there for her will be very important in her recovery.

Spend time with her away from the house on your own if possible. The reason I think this is important is that she associates home with being in her room and smoking and therefore feeling low. Taking her out of the situation will help break the habit and the mood associated with it. You said you had another child - try and make arrangements for them to have time with someone else (don't know if you have DP/DH). You'll need to make sures/he doesn't feel left out though and make time for him/her too.

Find an activity which is fun that you can do together REGULARLY (eg art class, swimming, cycling etc) - this will give you a time each week she can look forward too and feel positive about and she'll know that she will have your attention too.

Get her to help you in the home/going shopping if you don't already, she might not like it at first but it's harder to smoke a spliff if you're doing something and receiving praise from you will give her a boost.

In answer to your first point in the opening post - my professional experience was while working as a therapist on an in-patient unit. I would strongly recommend you try and get her to seek help now to avoid ending up as an inpatient. Not all cannabis users end up there, and your daughter would be unlikely to, but it saddened me a lot to see young people having had psychotic breakdowns or having become suicidal. There's much debate over whether cannabis causes these things or whether it's used by people who already have the problems but it's generally agreed that it doesn't help a situation.

I think it's also important though to try and put it into perspective, if this is just a 'blip' - if this is recent and your daughter is generally a happy girl and something has happened to make her feel like this, do give her some time to get over it before going overboard. However, if this behaviour has been ongoing then I fully understand your concern and the urgency you feel is necessary in sorting it out.

Sorry for the long post, hope it's been of some help.

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losingdd · 03/08/2006 17:45

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WideWebWitch · 03/08/2006 17:51

Poor you. If it's any consolation I smoked a lot of dope at 14-16 and then just stopped one day and it was like a fog lifting from my brain. I never smoked it again (although remain addicted to cigarettes for another 20 years )

Is there anyone she respects who could help you deal with this? A friend of yours or a friend's parent? I agree you've got to keep her talking to you. Does she want you to come down hard on her do you think?

This sounds very hard.

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FioFio · 03/08/2006 18:06

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losingdd · 03/08/2006 19:42

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liquidclocks · 03/08/2006 20:30

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you too - it would be great if she does go to the drop in clinic.

I think the issue of her bringing strange men home (she might know them but you don't therefore 'strange' seems appropriate) is very concerning in terms of not just her safety but that of her younger sibling and you. She does need to know that's a particularly unacceptable risk you are not willing to take. As much as possible you need to tell her this when she's not stoned or drunk and tell her what will happen if she does it again. I don't think calling the police would be OTT considering the guys are pissed/stoned, strangers and there's you and a minor at risk. The thing is that whatever you tell her you'll need to be prepared to follow through on so have a think about how far you're willing to go.

Keep trying, it IS the best thing to do.

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gothicmama · 03/08/2006 20:42

very sorry for your dd it sounds from your posts that she has had alot to deal with and may have low self esteem, which is momentarily buoyed by drugs and male attention but lowered again in the light of day. Be there for her ask her what she woulsd like to do and do it when she wants to initially, build a new relationship , it be said that she is reliving her view of her dad with her experiences or trying to make sense of her past be patient with her and try and get her to understand teh risks (she may be more aware than you think , in away testing your love for her) sorry abit rambly but hope it al lworks ot for you and your dd

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losingdd · 04/08/2006 09:12

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losingdd · 04/08/2006 19:40

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foxinsocks · 04/08/2006 19:46

oh no, I am sorry

do you think she might agree to go back to the GP for the follow up appointment (with perhaps you having gone in advance without her knowing to find out what options she might be given)?

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popsycal · 04/08/2006 19:56

thinking of you.....
xx

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WideWebWitch · 04/08/2006 19:59

But 1 day without smoking dope is good, it's a small start.
Thinking of you xxx

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SminkoPinko · 04/08/2006 20:50

At least you know she can stay off it if she needs/wants to - I think that's a v good sign. It really sounds to me that, despite the fact that she has had some major problems and continues to do so, boredom is a major factor here. It's such a shame there's no work or volunteering you can make her do... What are her interests? Could you help her get a summer job or join some activities? What are all her friends doing over the summer? What do you do? Can you get her some work at your place? I really think that if you could encourage her into getting out of the house to do something constructive you'd be half way there. Wouldn't solve the underlying problems but would distract her enough to buy a bit of time to sort this out over the longer term.

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charliecat · 04/08/2006 20:57

Ignoring all of the other thing because im clueless about them...does she smokes fags as well?
Like WWW my fag smoking long continued after joint smoking and on some attempts at quitting the fags I would smoke weed...of course with the dreaded tobacco...instead for a week or two on end.
Her body may be craving nicotine and the only way to get rid of the rattles is a joint..and she may not even realise this.
I certainly didnt.
Not that it would be good if she replaced joints with fags....but it might be nicotine thats pulling here back again and again.

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/08/2006 20:58

you sound like you are handling it very well. the important thing is that the two of you are talking, and that she can see there's a problem. imho those two things are more than half the battle. keep communication between you open - make sure she knows you're "on the same side". from my experience addiction to cannabis is linked to emotional well-being - I think it's that side of things you need to focus on, rather than the cannabis per se - ie it's not a strongly physiclaly addictive craving type drug. On the other hand the tobacco that comes with it is - so bear that in mind. If she's finding it difficult going without it may well be the tobacco - I know non-fag smokers who gave up the weed and took up fags.

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losingdd · 05/08/2006 10:00

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WideWebWitch · 05/08/2006 10:18

I agree about nicotine addiction and I think, briefly, it IS the less of two evils. I started smoking cigarettes as a direct result of smoking dope, absolutely. I thought I just wanted to smoke dope but one weekend when I couldn't get any I bought cigarettes instead. Twenty years later I gave up (gave up dope at 16 and never went back to it) but your dd is young, she can tackle it sooner. I do think you're doing the right thing sticking to your rules and I DO think SHE wants you to be consistent and mean what you say. Well done for doing so. Day 2 is something to celebrate. Could you and she go for a walk or something today? Might some exercise endorphins help her? Some sea air? I found it v helpful when I was down after my dad died. (can't remember where you are though) This sounds like positive stuff, she's talking to you and even if she asks you to break the rules she is complying. That's something.

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charliecat · 05/08/2006 10:47

Seems sensible if the other option is her smoking weed for a nicotime dose.
A fag doesnt cloud her head and cause the mental issues than a joint does.
You sound like a lovely mum

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/08/2006 11:31

I nearly suggested what you've done with tobacco, but wasn't sure if it would go down well. I think for the moment it's probably best to focus on giving up the weed. What you might want to do is ask her to only smoke as many cigarettes in a day as she would have spliffs. or maybe just a couple more. It's easy to start thinking "well it's only a fag" and have more - thus increasing your level of addiction, rather than what you really want to do which is just forestall withdrawal symptoms. I think your daughter's doing well. and I think you being consistent - while difficult is very much what she needs. however I can remember all too well how immediate life seems when you're that age - and how awful it feels to miss out on anything your friends are doing. So can you set some goal posts for her? some dates when you'll re-assess the rules. plus maybe some treats. giving her things to look forward to may well make this miserable bit go faster

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/08/2006 11:32

sorry, I meant to say too that I think you're doing fantastically

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