15 year old dd has adult baby sites on iPad.

[SheldonsMeeMaw]

Name changed for this as I have to admit that I am too embarrassed to use my usual name. Not least because a few people on here know my dd. I also fully expect to be called a troll I'm genuinely not and I really need advice.

So, a few months ago, I was using dds iPad. It is hers but she is aware that I use it sometimes. That was the deal when she got it. I went in safari and to my shock, found it open at a site for adult baby fetish sites. They all seemed to be American and it looked like you could chat to people as well. I need to be honest and say that I was horrified. Firstly that she could have been chatting online to god knows who, and that the thought of adult babies just repulses me.

I had an extremely awkward conversation with her because I needed to put a halt to the web chat thing. I don't know if she has actually used the chat facility, but there was certainly an option to talk to like minded people. I'm afraid that I lied a bit and said that inappropriate sites had been flagged up by our Internet provider and then I looked at the iPad. I wanted to scare her into stop visiting these websites for her own safety. She said she had watched a programme about it and that she liked it. I didn't pass any comment about the actual fetish, but concentrated on the Internet safety aspect.

Fast forward to last night. I went into her room to say good night and she was just behind the door. She pushed it shut to stop me coming in and sounded extremely agitated. I asked her what she was doing and she was close to tears but kept saying nothing. Her behaviour was so odd that I asked again. I told her that even if it was embarrassing, that she should just tell me. (I was worried she had been self harming as we had issues a couple of years ago with that as well as confiding to a friend that she had times when she wished she wasn't around anymore.) Turns out she was using a fleecy blanket as a nappy. Her pj bottoms weren't on and she rushed to put them in the washing basket as she had spilt something on them. (She hadn't) She says that she won't ever do it again and was mortified at being caught out.

I am at a loss. To avoid drip feeding, she has recently come out as bi, no problem there. More worrying us the fb message to her friend where she talks about how much she hates being a girl and wishes she was a boy. I do know that some people will be horrified that I have read her messages. I do it because I am seriously worried for her mental health and I believe that this way I might get a heads up, should she start self harming or having suicidal thoughts again. She has been through the school counsellor system as she was been bullied and then we discovered her then ex boyfriend had been behaving very badly towards her. Police were called in and he was charged. She is now seeing a psychologist

If you have reached the end of this epic post, thank you. It a nutshell, I am very worried about her. I don't know how to help her. I live in fear that one day she will hurt herself. Her poor head must be full of all these issues and I worry that one day it will all get too much. Our neighbour committed suicide a few months ago and I cant help thinking she may be next. -

[specialsubject]

she's crying for help, and luckily you are there.

if she thinks she may be transgender she really does need help - this can drive people to suicide if they feel there is no escape. There IS an escape, whether or not it goes as far as a sex change. But she must, must be persuaded to talk to you, her lovely mum.

I hope that she will do so and ask for whatever help she needs.

[SheldonsMeeMaw]

Thank you so much for replying. I'm in tears because you are right, she is crying out for help. I haven't told her I have read her fb messages, she needs to have some where she can speak freely. (Even though I check them from time to time, I truly believe I'm doing it for her own good)

I'm not sure if the transgendered thing it just partly hormones or just looking for attention from her friends. She does appear to talk incessantly about being bi and I can see from the messages that they ate starting to be uncomfortable around her at times.

She won't talk to me about any of this.

[Rosencrantz]

Sounds like she is exploring her sexuality and you need to back off.

Likewise if transgender is something she is seriously thinking about, back off and let her come to you.

Just because what she is interested in isn't attractive to you, doesn't mean it is wrong. Nappy wearing is a legitimate sexual fetish, and isn't illegal. Nor are feet or food, for example.

I think that you are adding connotations to nappy wearing that aren't necessarily there. There is no hint of an attraction to children in your OP, so there is no reason to suggest this is anything more than just sexual arousal by nappy wearing.

I'd also suggest that next time your daughter doesn't want you to come into her room, you take the hint sharpish, because she is obviously masturbating and has every right to do so in private. Forcing her tell you what she was doing helped no-one in this situation, and probably caused her a lot of trauma. Would you want to be forced to recount what you do in bed?

[SheldonsMeeMaw]

Thanks for the reply. To clarify, she absolutely wasn't doing anything like that. She knew I would be coming in to her room to say goodnight as soon as I had tucked her younger sibling in. She was just wearing the blanket. I did back right off after I originally noticed the sites she had been on. It was never mentioned again.

I worry that by backing off completely, her cries for help go unanswered.

[SheldonsMeeMaw]

Bump

[LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA]

Thinking back to when i was 15 and exploring my own sexuality (as a straight but wayward teenager) I am sure that the internet would have sparked off a whole lot of weird and wonderful fantasies. In fact you only have to read a copy of Nancy Friday's secret garden (i thnk that is what its called) and you will be and at some of these fantasies, by perfectly normal women, that was pre internet. I did experiment with stuff though (not going to tell you, oh no! ).

So maybe you have two things going on here - the self harm (which incidentally i did too) which she definately needs help with and then there is the sexual experimentation.

If the adult baby thing is what is floating her boat at the moment i wouldn't be too worried (yeah its fucking weird but people are, generally pretty odd) I would however be VERY worried about her chatting to people online about it. I watched a documentary about this and there are men out there (and women i guess) who want to be the "parents" of these adult babies - that left a very bad taste in my mouth. So your DD would be vulnerable to these.

The thing is, whatever she uses as trigger for masturbation really is her business and you should be careful about making a fuss and making her feel "wrong" in some way.

My approach would be - as far as fantasies go, you do what you want, i don't want to know - lalala fingers in my ears, please don't tell me. That means you have a responsibility to ensure that you have privacy, just as much as i have to respect that privacy. As far as talking to strangers on the internet goes - that is NOT SAFE and not acceptable, no matter what it is you are talking about. Unless it is knitting (insert boring past-time of choice here). Then just tell her that you are there for her, are unshockable (even if you are - although that may disappoint some teens, they like to be a rebel) and that you will talk to her about anything and not judge. She needs to talk to you if she gets the urge to self harm, but leave her sexuality alone as much as you can.

[meringuesnowflakes33]

Dan Savage would be a really good source of advice on this, OP

[lukebsf1]

Read this

www.adisc.org/forum/content/118-what-infantilism.html

Alot of the reasons thats AB/DL teens speak to people online about it is because it makes you feel like abit of a freak, and searching online knowing you arn't alone with these feelings is a major help to teenagers in that situation.

[SheldonsMeeMaw]

Thank you very much for your replies. It really helps. Lots of good advice, I'll have a look at the links later tonight. Haven't heard of Dan Savage but after a quick google, he sounds as be may very well be an excellent source of information.

Les yeah you are right. I should remember what I was like as a teenager. I was focusing on this being my daughter and forgetting how I was when I was 15. I do have a couple of Nancy Friday books so I probably should be unshockable. Until its my child

Thanks again

[profilewithoutaname]

The more fuss you make about it the worse it'll get.
If someone is gay it's ok (hopefully) to let everyone know about it. But when you've a fetish people still act funny about it.

Why? As long as no one is forced into a sexual activity and enjoys it it's ok. isn't it?

[Rosencrantz]

Sheldon...

With that nappy on, she was masturbating. She was doing something to aid her arousal. That is masturbating.

Just because she wasn't stimulating her genitalia doesn't mean it wasn't a private sexual act. I really think dd needs more space here.

[Rosencrantz]

15 year olds don't need saying good night to in their own rooms/beds. Tuck the other one in, fine. But say goodnight to 15 year old in a public room, thus allowing her bedroom as a safe space for whatever she wants to do alone sexually.

Have you ever been caught masturbating? It is traumatic. And fundamentally, people shouldn't be. Everyone needs a safe space.

Knocking is your friend.

[vistauk]

you must remember that when someone wanting to be a baby again that there is no harm and at least they are not taking drugs/drinking !!! you can try babyjunior.co.uk which is also a site which is very understanding to read about why they want to be a baby again and hope this helps

[extracrunchy]

I agree totally with Rosencrantz here - she needs the space to explore her apparently totally harmless sexual preferences. She's obviously able to talk to you on the whole, which is great, so I would let her be - particularly as you say she's already under the care of a mental health specialist.

[DontPutMeDownForCardio]

Does she have any privacy? You come into her room whenever you want and you read her Facebook messages and check her internet history. She's exploring her sexuality. Like every single teenager ever.

[Branleuse]

please stop trying to discuss this with her. Shes mortified enough already

[Branleuse]

and please dont buy her nappies. You dont need to support or be in any way involved in her private fetishes

[titchy]

ZOMBIE THREAD!