Dealibg with baby and fourteen year old?

[starlightcookies76]

DD is fourteen and very strongly, baby is 5 days old and screaming all night so DH and I cannot deal with it, baby's restless and daughters jealous. Any tips before I take a much needed deserved holiday, for a year or seven . Only joking, but seriously any tips?

[MrsBright]

Involve daughter in baby care. Give her as much involvement and responsibility as you can. Nappy changing, bathing, dressing, the lot.
Praise her like crazy for 'being good at it', even when she isnt. Make sure that once a week one of you takes her out on her own and does something 'adult' with her - cinema, lunch, or whatever - for a substantial chunk of time. Make sure that not all visitors cluck over the baby and just ignore daughter. Make sure you dont either.

I speak as someone who got a baby half-sister when I was 13. I instantly became the ugly, spotty teenager that everyone tried to pretend wasnt there. It hurt. It still does.

[Andro]

Make sure she knows you still love her, make sure you spend time with just her, make sure other people don't forget she's there and don't assume that you and your DP/DH are the only ones who have baby induced exhaustion (her sleep could be being disrupted too/crying could easily be causing headaches etc).

For the love of God DON'T do what my mother did an tell her that you can't deal with her and the baby and she's the disposable one - that way lays the path to parental and sibling hatred!

(twin brothers born when I was 12, I was shipped off to boarding school and my parents home ceased to be my home the day I left for school)

[LeBearPolar]

Re. involving her - get the balance right. The elder children in my family were used as free childcare for the younger ones for years and it gets wearing (and builds resentment). Don't assume she'll be happy to baby-sit, even if she's staying at home when you're going out.

Agree with the one-on-one time with her - make sure it's regular.