17 year old swearing at teachers

[mumoftwoteens]

she is 18 next month and called her teacher a b*tch the other day.

[MrsBright]

Every child has a 'currency' - take it away for at least a week. And make it absolutely crystal clear to her why you are doing it. Being that abusive to an adult is NOT acceptable.

Phone, MP3, pocket money/allowance/phone credit, internet access at home - whatever you think will hit her hardest.

And insist that the school deal with her appropriately as well - detention, whatever.

[ravenAK]

I'm a teacher - we usually exclude for a day for swearing at a teacher (as opposed to just muttering 'bitch' under one's breath, say). Followed by a day in isolation - very dull & boring, so generally quite an effective deterrent.

It's just tedious teenageriness & shouldn't be indulged or overreacted to IMO.

17's a bit long in the tooth though! Also, she's no longer in compulsory education, so I doubt detentions/isolation really apply still? Equally, I don't think a parent can usefully confiscate the MP3 player of someone legally old enough to leave home/marry/join the army etc etc...

I probably wouldn't be doshing out going-out money or offering lifts, say, until she'd apologised to the teacher & sorted it out, though.

[hairymonkey]

If she's 17 then the school should just tell her to bugger off, she doesn't have to be there and her behaviour will be having a detrimental effect on the class.

I know it sounds harsh, but could you imagine speaking to a work colleague/boss like that?

I'd speak to the school with her where she has the opportunity to behave like the adult she is and apologise.

[JGBMum]

So what did the school do? And what have you done?

[cory]

I would simply back the school in anything they decided and let my dd know that she would get no sympathy from me. Like SchmaltzingMatilda, "sadly disappointed".

I would also take the opportunity to point out that she would get sacked from a job for speaking to her boss like that and might struggle to get another one without a good reference. She is old enough to learn that actions absolutely do have consequences and that after a certain age your parents can't really protect you from them.

Punishing her at home might give her the message that she is still a small child and mummy is the one who is in charge of the discipline- standing between her and the outside world as it were. This is a feeling which makes younger children feel safe (if frustrated). At her age, it is questionable whether she should still be feeling that safe.

She needs to see that she has to deal with the consequences of her action and that you have very little say in what those consequences will be. If college decide to expell her, if a future boss decides to sack her, you can't really step in and substitute the punishment of a confiscated phone. The world doesn't work like that.

[freeezing]

I have to say that at an FE college eg the one I teach, minor swearing is so common that frankly that would be (largely) ignored. I've been F'ed at and have sent students out of class as a result but have never taken it personally or been upset by it (or had anyone expelled for a single incidence - obviously routinely swearing at teachers would eventually get them asked to leave). I don't even think the kids mean it personally. And I've certainly heard lots of effing and blinding going on not directed at me.

Bear in mind many of these kids come from home where everyone swears at everyone, they're not even aware they're doing it. If we had to expel every kid who ever swore in class we'd only have about 2 students left!

So yes, your dd was wrong, and yes, in a job she would lose her job. And these are good things for her to know. But if she's in an environment where swearing is common, she may not be aware quite how unacceptable it is in the real world (and even dangerous - if she swears at strangers, she could get beaten up etc). So tell her - but agree with cory's great post - let the school do the punishing. And back up whatever they do.

[Claybury]

OP has not said what the college has done.
Agree with Cory.
When my DS is in trouble at school I do not punish him at home but I actively support the school's action so he gets the same message from home and school. Obviously this relies on the school taking appropriate action, which in my case is happening.
I had a similar issue with my DS last week and after a long talk at home he apologised at school, accepted the detention and everyone has moved on.
So I would leave the college to take action and explain to your DD why this action is right and why her behaviour is not acceptable. You can almost be on her side, as her advisor - telling her about people who behave badly at work and how this affects their careers . I wouldn't even be angry, I would just take the opportunity to share your wisdom about how to behave with people in positions of authority.

[mumoftwoteens]

thanks for the replies. these more to this then I have posted about I am going to make a new thread with all the details.