Anyone free to talk to me about their shy teenager? Especially if you have good experiences.

(7 Posts)
basic Mon 02-Dec-13 12:48:27

Feeling very down and lost as to how to help. I realise that it may be a case of leaving him to it but what if I need to do something to help, what can help?

I think my DS shyness is ruining his chances in life now as his shyness is stopping him doing anything. I was shy as a youngster but had to start work at 16 which really helped me. School has not helped as they just say you must go out and volunteer you must join this club or that club but DS is genuinely not interested in the clubs or too shy to push himself, and as for volunteering - he is a gentle soul, kind and considerate but to force himself out there just makes him so anxious and panicky. He is working well (sixth form) but not giving himself any opportunities to show commitment or gain any life experiences. I try to make/encourage him go out but it is such hard work and just seems to make him retreat to his room even more.

I do not want him to be so anxious that he cannot concentrate properly on his school work, but at the same time I want to help him. If he does not do something, what can he show when applying to university, which he says he definately wants to do, as he enjoys his learning academic stuff.

basic Mon 02-Dec-13 13:34:16

Shameless bump!

Travelledtheworld Mon 02-Dec-13 14:09:22

Yes it is difficult if they are shy and reserved.

What does he enjoy doing ?
Art ?
Website design ?
Music ?
Chess ?
Animals.

Can he use any of his interests as a basis for volunteering, in a quiet way. eg help old people with computer literacy ? Help a local charity design a new website ? Volunteer at the animal shelter ? Read to a blind person ? Help with Riding for the Disabled group.

He does not have to be the life and soul of the party to share his skills. And it will look good on his personal statement.

Archery is a good sport for introverted, focused people too !

I have one just the same.
By the way it isn't true that you need all that extra curricular stuff to get into uni, especially the volunteering. DS has none and has several offers from good unis. He main interest is in his subject, about which he knows much more than the curriculum.
He can be interested in things without being a joiner or a leader.

basic Mon 02-Dec-13 21:42:18

Thanks for your replies. I keep thinking that not everyone can be an extrovert and he feels fake doing volunteering that is available because it is nothing that relates to the subjects that he is interested in so he thinks it will just look like he is doing what is expected, what everyone does and he fails to realise it could actually help him if he could only give himself a push. Of course he could meet horrible people who make him feel even worse!

He enjoys being with his friends, computer time of course, reading, nothing outgoing as his friends are the same but into music. I will look again and try to find something that he may feel able to push himself into.

nicecupoftea2013 Sun 08-Dec-13 15:01:48

My youngest son isnt extrovert, some people would say shy. In primary school he was described by a teacher as "strong but silent" type, which sums him up.

He got involved in a hobby, which has really transformed his life. He now feels confident speaking to adults, strangers, senior managers etc Even though he is a teenager, people tell him one day he will be a manager.

He will never be an extrovert, or the life and soul of the party, but he is self confident which is the most important thing.

sixpencesings Mon 16-Dec-13 20:18:54

nicecupoftea2013 I hate to be nosey but I am going to ask in the hope you come back to this topic because I've been trying to find some area to encourage my own son to become involved in that would help him. So what is the hobby? guess you will not be around here or not willing to tell in case it identifies you but would genuinely love to know.

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