DS's father died (my ex-husband), with no warning (not suicide, freak illness), two and a half months ago. DS was close to his dad and he was my best friend too - he stayed with us every other weekend and we did a lot of family things together plus Christmas, birthdays etc. For first few weeks DS was in total shock and denial - he and I were very close and he was allowing me to comfort him. In the last 10 days his loss has kicked in with a vengeance - he is hurting, cold and angry and is directing all towards me. I understand why he is hurting the person closest - just wish I could take his pain away. He obviously missed a lot of school - his dad died on first day of term - but 2 and a half months on he needs to be at school for normality and to be with his mates more than anything else. He's had couple of days of depressed under the duvet but other days he's up and angry but refuses or tries to refuse to go in. (To put it in context he's always been inclined to throw the odd sickie now and then, though it's never become a confirmed habit and he's always hated any kind of work though enjoys the social aspect of school).
The school have been very helpful but are now starting to expect him to start to do homework. Obviously at the beginning any kind of homework was impossible, but he'd started to do a bit up to a week or so ago. Now he's just refusing point blank to do any at all. He's not in the depressed duvet stage at the moment - at the angry 'make me' stage. He's just started first year of gcses. I've put aside any anxiety over the academics - his mental sanity is more important - but I feel if he doesn't start to pick up the threads of 'normal' life soon he'll start to feel worse again. I get that school and homework feel utterly pointless to him when he is grieving. But I kind of sense he is actually less depressed now and is angry and acting up in a self destructive way - if he continues refusing to do any work he'll feel he can't go into school.. He has lots of friends and always comes home from school lighter of heart.
Sorry so long. Has anyone been in this situation? I am confused about where to draw boundaries. It's 2 and a half months since his dad died. I think he's done bloody brilliantly on the whole - he's been seeing his friends, been to a few parties etc, is mostly going to school. How much should/can I expect with homework. If things were normal and he refused to do any homework I'd stop X-box or stop him seeing mates til he did it - but he is grieving and I want him to see his mates as they are his lifeline.
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Teenagers
bereaved 14 year old. Angry and sad
12 replies
trampolinequeen · 19/11/2013 21:40
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