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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Would you call the police on your violent 17 year old

25 replies

t2scooby · 17/11/2013 11:18

My 17 year old son has just smashed his bedroom to pieces. There wasn't much that wasn't already destroyed but he just obliterated it in such an unbelievable rage.

His behaviour has been getting more and more extreme over the years and as a single mother I know if I don't take some kind of stand then its only going to get worse. I keep threatening the police but can I actually do it! He has just gone out to get fags as he refused to clear room until he had some. I told him if he wasn't back by 11.30 am to do the room I would call the police and press charges for criminal damage (if that's even possible). He doesn't believe I will. I don't know if I will. Help I'm at breaking point

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wakemeupnow · 17/11/2013 11:35

So sorry scooby how stressful... At least he smashed his room and his stuff up. I'm sure he'll have plenty of time to regret his actions. My Ds was also prone to smashing things and unfortunately it was always stuff that didn't belong to him.

I would call the police if I felt threatened or frightened for myself or my other Dc. I think calling them would send a clear message that his behaviour is unacceptable. I supose it would depend on how contrite he is when he comes home... good luck.

Morgause · 17/11/2013 11:36

I think you should, he needs a reality check. Where will he turn his violence next?

mybeautifullife · 17/11/2013 11:39

There are a lot of other people on here who have more insight and experience who will be able to help you but just from the pov of calling the police....I think I wouldn't if it were solely for his own property and no threats of physical or actual physical violence to a person, or damage to other people's property .

specialsubject · 17/11/2013 11:40

get help NOW. No idea if this is mental illness or just an incredibly unpleasant nature, but you are in danger.

good luck.

ouryve · 17/11/2013 11:43

Of course you can do it. If this was your partner, you would have far fewer reservations (other than fear of his response) but it's not behaviour that you live with, without some form of intervention. Contacting the police is a starting point, as many of the interventions are unavailable to you unless you have had the police involved.

gamerchick · 17/11/2013 11:46

No I would boot his arse straight out of the door.

starsandunicorns · 17/11/2013 11:46

I called the police on my dd15 when she started hitting me

teenagetantrums · 17/11/2013 11:50

If you call the non empergency number they will send round someone to talk to him about what could happen if it continues. They will remove him if you them to.

I wouldnt let him get away with it although it is his room, what will happen if next time its you or your stuff.

cory · 17/11/2013 11:51

I think it was flow who said on a thread that we all have to work out our bottom line, what we absolutely cannot put up with, whatever the consequences.

In my case, I think that would be violence against the person. I would call the police, even on a much younger child who hit me, once they were too old for me to restrain safely. It's the one thing I could not tolerate whatever the consequences.

But I can absolutely see why thrashing a room feels like a similar threat of violence. And if that is your bottom line, then you will need to act on it.

lljkk · 17/11/2013 12:25

Is it his own stuff he trashed or yours (walls & doors)?
I think I'd be on at social services first.

t2scooby · 17/11/2013 12:29

Thanks everyone for your advice. He arrived back at 11.27 am and then went straight to his room. He is in there now but just lying on the floor (his bedis in pieces). When I said to him to get his room done he grunted in a minute. So I made it perfectly clear he would not leave the house until it was done.

I personally don't feel threatened by him and don't believe he will hit me. He directs his rage and anger at his bedroom which has been going on for several years.

A bit of background

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ouryve · 17/11/2013 12:31

Do you have other DC, scooby?

Roshbegosh · 17/11/2013 12:32

I would only call them if I felt threatened. He can live in his smashed up room. I agree with other posters that you need help though as this is escalating. Do you have any younger children there? Does he have anyone to talk to? Is there a healthier way he could be encouraged to let anger out like sport? He sounds very unhappy and I wonder what is going on in his world. That may not help you at this point but definitely you need to stay safe.

AuditAngel · 17/11/2013 12:39

Without dealing with how to proceed, he can easily sleep on a mattress on the floor. I would not replace any of the contents of his room that he has damaged.

t2scooby · 17/11/2013 12:42

Sorry hits some wrong buttons.

A bit of background on my son. He has suffered bullying since 11 years old he unfortunately had rather prominent ears for which he was ridiculed. We had them pinned back but by then he was a target and was fair game to the bullies. As we all know how kids are a lot then jumped on the bandwagon and he was then subjected to nonstop harassment. This would included he was dirty because had dandruff, he was a drug dealer, rapist, gay, pikey you name it. It was on social media so wasn't just people from his school doing this it was everywhere. My shy, sweet natured and loving son turned into a wreck. The teachers and school were useless and when he started talking of killing himself I pulled him out and 'home educated'.

However my son has always refused to see a counsellor and this is why I believe we are at this point now. He is depressed and most definitely suffers from some kind of mental health issue but he still refuses help.

I feel utterly helpless and all I seem to do is let him down

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t2scooby · 17/11/2013 12:42

Sorry hits some wrong buttons.

A bit of background on my son. He has suffered bullying since 11 years old he unfortunately had rather prominent ears for which he was ridiculed. We had them pinned back but by then he was a target and was fair game to the bullies. As we all know how kids are a lot then jumped on the bandwagon and he was then subjected to nonstop harassment. This would included he was dirty because had dandruff, he was a drug dealer, rapist, gay, pikey you name it. It was on social media so wasn't just people from his school doing this it was everywhere. My shy, sweet natured and loving son turned into a wreck. The teachers and school were useless and when he started talking of killing himself I pulled him out and 'home educated'.

However my son has always refused to see a counsellor and this is why I believe we are at this point now. He is depressed and most definitely suffers from some kind of mental health issue but he still refuses help.

I feel utterly helpless and all I seem to do is let him down

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t2scooby · 17/11/2013 12:48

lljkk yes it's walls and doors also. He currently doesn't have a door. He is an only child, so it is just me and him and has always been. I've always worked from home so financially he has never been without. He has a loving and supportive family but he currently 'hates them' .

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DoesZingBumpLookBigInThis · 17/11/2013 12:52

I would call the non-emergency number as someone suggested earlier.
poor you.

why is he so angry?

DoesZingBumpLookBigInThis · 17/11/2013 12:55

sorry, just read your last few posts.

poor boy! I don't know how you can get him to agree to counselling - it really would benefit him so much.

wakemeupnow · 17/11/2013 13:00

Sounds like he is really suffering and acting out his internal pain. He definitely needs to talk to a councellor to help him process all his hurt.

Could you do a deal whereby instead of calling police on him he agrees to talk to someone.

As for tidying up his room... I don't think I'd bother going on about it, he'll realise come bedtime that he's nowhere to sleep....

usualsuspect · 17/11/2013 13:06

I wouldn't call the police.

Could you give young minds a call for advice?

mybeautifullife · 17/11/2013 13:13

Feel really sorry for him.

Tidy the room together put the mattress on the floor, have a hug and say there is a need to seek a counsellor now and make some changes to help him.

t2scooby · 17/11/2013 13:13

yes wakemeupnow he's definitely suffering and I feel we are heading for a breakdown. I can't tell you the last time he showered and he wears the same outfit all the time which hasn't been washed for several weeks.

when I tell him I will call the police he just say go on then, I personally don't think he cares. I have got him to agree once before to going to see the doctor but he never follows through on what he says. drugs are now also involved which is complicating things even more. This has made me feel really angry towards him as things just go from bad to worse.

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Ursula8 · 17/11/2013 15:41

Where does he get the money for the drugs? I assume he doesn't work from how you described him.

I really feel for you but he needs help. Speak to your GP and tell them what has been going on.

wakemeupnow · 17/11/2013 19:28

How's today gone scooby ?

Sounds like a major cry for help from your Ds... trouble with 17 year old boys is they can make themselves pretty unlovable when they need love most of all..

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