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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

advice needed from mums of late teens boys

13 replies

Axolotl · 10/07/2006 11:52

Hi there
I wanted to get some opinions on behalf of my sister, who has a (usually) lovely son of 19. Her and her husband (his step dad) have just had their first holiday without him and came back to find the house completely trashed. We're not just talking about forgetting to hoover, but serious filth and damage. Seems he has been on a drunken binge for two solid weeks and had a party a week ago that he hasn't bothered to clean up after. He is the sweetest, loveliest lad (everyone thinks so)and this is so shocking because he hasn't even apologised. My sis cried for ages last night and told him that she has never been more ashamed. Doesn't have a clue how she sould handle it. It's like he has been taken over by someone else. Without wanting to make too much of it, she is worried that he has a serious drink problem developing. There have been other incidents of getting so pissed he wet his bed, which my sis was horrified about. We have been hoping it was normal, silly laddish behaviour - a phase. He has a job, which he seems to be coping with 100% and is usually a very caring lad. is it possible to punish a 19 year old? How can they get through this?
thanks in advance.
Does anyone have any views on this? Would be so much appreciated.

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desperateSCOUSEwife · 10/07/2006 11:55

how about giving him a deposit for his own place
and kicking his lazy backside into the real world

and facing up to reality that he cant treat his home or parents like that

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 12:00

Well, the thing is that they are actually moving quite soon, to another town (he is a bit upset about this in a quiet way, even though he is 100% welcome to move too). He is going to live with his father, who hasn't got a working relationship with my sis. She hasn't had anything to do with him for about 15 years because he is an arse, although she has never caused problems for her son to see him. I wonder whether there are emotions about the move connected with this too..

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grumpyfrumpy · 10/07/2006 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessaJam · 10/07/2006 12:29

blimey, it took him until 19 to do this????

Agree he should foot bill for damages...
May be some emotional stuff going on around the move and parentals...but a 19 year old on a drinking binge doesn't automatically equal developing drink problem

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 12:34

Grumpyfrumpy, that's good advice, thank you.
And Jessjam, do you really think so? It's a relief to hear that. I know I had a drunken time in my youth and did silly things, but things like pissing in the bed (more than once) and being sick almost every weekend, combined with this..don't know, just made us wonder. But I so want to feel that you're right and it isn't a problem. Our mum, his granny, had a serious drink problem in our childhood and there's that whole inherited tendency thing..
It's hard to get across just how shocking the lack of an apology is. He's usually such a brilliant kid.

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 14:38

does anyone else have any thoughts? thanks

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 16:24

a little bumpette...

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JessaJam · 10/07/2006 16:29

Friend of mine pissed himself standing at his front door cos was sooo drunka nd very full bladder and couldn't get keys in door cos hands full of beer can and kebab!!!!

Another acquaintance had a drunken 1 night stand and got up in the morning to fidn he had inadvertantly urinated all over the young lady in question!!!

(God the people I know!!!!)

Careful that atmosphere of fear of alcoholism doesn't lead to 'secret' drinking etc which is worse...(psychologically...IYKWIM)

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 17:04

Jessajam
Wow! But were they just 19? And a relatively innocent 19.

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Axolotl · 10/07/2006 20:23

Has all got worse now. They have found out that he used his mum's credit card and has taken £280, plus the Sky and phone bills are just completely filled with expensive porn calls. It's almost like a parody in some sketch show of a teenager going off the rails and SO out of character. He has now stormed off to his dad's and they haven't been able to talk properly.
So awful and upsetting for them. If anyone has any experience of a usually lovely boy behaving like this, I'd be so so grateful.

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Tortington · 10/07/2006 20:42

at 19 there is a serious chance that this could turn into an episode of not speaking to each other for years.

its not worth it. so hes been a complete shit - hes not done it before and is usually good.

get your sis to have a good chat. tell him shes upset naturally that he would do such a thing, however she loves him and its now forgotten. but sorry - cn't help you out with money unless you pay me back - still love you much kiss kiss. your welcome to VISIT any time. hope everything works out living at your dads.

its not worth ruining a mum son relationship over

i think the refusing to apologise is THE most serious bit of it all. it would make me personally question my parenting style.

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JessaJam · 11/07/2006 00:04

doorway pissing incident was about 20

Perhap sthe 'relatively innocent' 19yo has suddenly decided to 'grow up' and growing up is a messy business!
To be honest, I was suprised he was as old as 19!