Problem at weekends

(30 Posts)
Palika Sun 20-Oct-13 22:54:38

In May this year DS14 decided not to go out with us any more on Sunday afternoons and since then we have an awful lot of anger from him.

We were fine with him staying home - growing up and all that...DS plays, reads and works on his projects when alone - no problem whatsoever.

But we cannot make sense of his anger. Twice we said you need to come with us again but he was even more angry and ruined the whole trip, so we dropped that idea in a hurry.

Then we figured out together that the anger is to do with the fear of all that empty time at the weekend and since then DS makes a plan with what he wants to do, which he says helps him a lot.

DS seems to have good friends at school but does not meet them outside school apart from very rare occasions like a fun fair. We live in a very rural area and lots of children seem not to meet up here.

The anger is sparked by the tiniest conflicts or nothing at all and usually ruins half of the weekend. During the week we have the best of times.

Anybody can help with that?

cordyroy Wed 23-Oct-13 22:23:02

Hi Palika

Sorry to hear you're having a tricky time, teenagers are a little hard to fathom sometimes! I just posted a similar thread with regard to my dd (13) not socialising at the weekend. Mostly she is still happy to come out with us but if she does stay at home she seems to quite enjoy the time out (she has a 3yr old brother so a little break is appreciated at times!)

I don't really know what to suggest about the anger, although you do need to understand what is causing it, maybe he does feel isolated and as a previous post mentioned maybe he expected this freedom to bring a little more excitement and adventure, there should also be some consequence you feel his behaviour is not acceptable.

Maybe an idea to help him structure his time and have plans in place so he has something to look forward to.

good luck x

Palika Thu 24-Oct-13 19:18:58

thanks very much for all the input.
Had another chat with him today about half term and what he wants to do and it was all no, no, no.

I told him that he won't get forced to do anything...he relaxed. It is a difficult age indeed.

let's see what happens with the new awareness that this anger is anxiety fuelled. It already made some difference today (his half-term started today). He said, he cannot tolerate the tension whether something good will happen, so he behaves badly, so that we 'have' to forbid it.

What a great insight! I can definitely recognise this pattern - he already did this when he was a child and I could never understand why he behaves badly around good things happening (I even had a thread about this here a while ago)

Fingers crossed that he now can prevent this from happening. I will keep you posted.

ancientbuchanan Thu 24-Oct-13 21:16:01

Can you also sit next to him watching tv doing nothing, but occasionally giving him a cuddle? It's quite hard, as we are all so busy, but boys need more cuddles and mum time than they are prepared to admit. Just chilling together on his terms.

I

Ragwort Fri 25-Oct-13 08:21:18

It is such a difficult time for teenagers - my DS doesn't even like to watch tv if I am in the same room but at just wants me to be 'around'. It is hard because I am the sort of person that likes to have structure to my life, ie: know what I am doing, where I am going, the thought of just sitting around bores me stupid unless I have access to mumsnet.

I don't know what the answer is, I think you just have to get through the teenage years as best you can. smile

valiumredhead Fri 25-Oct-13 08:48:20

I find that if I sit on the sofa ds will come over after about ten mins and sort of lean on me and if I'm very slow and make no sudden moves I can put my arm round himgrin

It's hard as you go from constant cuddles to suddenly realising that now they are older you are lucky to get anything, which can't actually be good for teens, everyone needs human contact.

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