Teens & drugs

[racerider]

Long story but have been aware and v unhappy that my 15 yr old has been smoking weed for 2 years but recently found evidence as to use of other drugs over summer - ketamine , mdma, -at parties on nights when he lied about his whereabouts He owned up when confronted and says he is sorry to but obviously enjoys drugs and is attracted to party drug life style. I am terrified at his attitude and have to be honest don't see how to make him understand that we are not just out of touch parents. Anyone have any advice how to deal with this before it gets worse? School has been supportive. He's been seeing counsellor since I discovered the weed. He is highly secretive about his friends and whereabouts and while constantly challenging curfew he does adhere to curfew. Can't lock him up forever though. He says it doesn't cost much so money isn't an issue either. Doing well at school at moment.

[specialsubject]

yes, of course the junk is given away for almost nothing. He is clearly so stoned that he can no longer even lie competently.

ketamine is HORSE anaesthetic. Why would anyone with a brain stick that in themselves?

is he actually aware what this stuff does? Of course as he is 15 he is indestructible, but does he know the facts that he is ignoring?

tell him to stop insulting your intelligence with lies and nonsense. If he wants to associate with boring, wastrel druggies fine, it is his funeral, but how about he waits until he has left home?

[racerider]

Well thanks for posting and of course I do agree with you 100% but I and his dad have had many talks with him about the dangers of drugs, he has seen us in tears about it with our distress , I have called Frank so I am informed, I have spoken to school and set him up with a counsellor. But his friends are more influential than us, and in his world lots of people take drugs and he hasn't seen anything to back up what I am saying. He thinks he knows everything and we are out of touch. We have said it is not ever acceptable and certainly not under our roof, and we will not support him through 6 th form if he chooses to continue.

Bottom line is when he says he will stop I don't believe him as I know he enjoys using them and much of his social life revolves around smoking weed.

Someone must have some advice - anyone ever involved the police for example to scare a teen? We are planing to resort to paying for drug testing on the basis that it may help him say 'no'.

[lazymum99]

There are plenty on here who have the same problem. I would not advise getting the police involved, on top of it all you don't need him with a caution which will show on an enhanced crb. You have involved the school and that was quite risky but seems to have worked. In my experience no amount of rationalising is going to help. If you introduce drug testing what are you going to do when he tests positive?
Sorry to be so. negative but I don't have an answer and I have a22 year old addict who started like this.
You say he is doing well at school at th moment so there is not much logic in not supporting him through 6th form. You will just end up with a drug using son with no qualifications.
It does cost money so you can try stopping any allowance , but if he is reliant on the drugs he may start taking money or selling some of his possessions.
There are groups of teenagers whose whole social lives revolve around drug use. Some seem to come out the other side unscathed and others not so.
Is the counsellor dealing with the drug use or are there underlying issues?

[racerider]

You do sound negative but I totally understand why. The police can't take any action as there are no drugs in the house. School had already noticed a change in him & they can keep an eye on him as he's not a known trouble make at all . School can't take action as he hasn't been 'caught' it's just what I have reported. A tutor has spoken to him to explain effect on school work - at mo he still cares about that.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Is there anything you wish you had done when he was younger ? Though I guess we take action just so we feel we have done everything we can, even though it has no effect.

I took away allowance, not sure it will make a diff though., what is it £2 a pill?
The counsellor was a direct result of the weed discovery last year. No obvious underlying prob. Very stable happy family.

[lazymum99]

Sorry to be so negative but I wish I had the answer. My sons drug use started as self medication for underlying mental health issues. It got out of hand and became an addiction by year 13. I wish I had not been so obsessed with him finishing school and doing his a levels. We should have removed him then and put him into rehab before everything got way out of control.
If your son is using socially etc there is a better possibility he will mature and become more sensible. Mine, like a few others on here, feels that life is not cope able without.
There are a few mumsnetters whose kids have matured and seem to b leaving much more stable lives with less or no drug use.

[racerider]

You're right but we all know things can go either way especially I think when they start so young.
Can you point me to relevant threads? I search for mdma/ ecstasy but can't find anything relevant. I know it is a common problem.

[lazymum99]

Flow4 has had similar problems. Try a search on her

[NeoFaust]

I'm copying a response I made on a very similar thread:

"My brother at 15 was into lots of weed, parties and occasionally harder drugs.

Currently at 25 he is 2nd Lieutenant in Her Majesty's Household Cavalry after getting a 2.1 from St Andrews in Zoology.

You don't have to approve, but as long as you let him know that you love and support him and he's always got people to turn to he'll be likely to turn out ok."

As long as he stays away from cocaine/opiate derivatives and excessive alcohol he won't be physically addicted and all evidence indicates that most recreational drugs are less harmful than drinking (or horse riding!). I think everyone can appreciate that your concern comes purely out of love and care, but he will struggle to believe this if it seems to come from outdated or discredited government statements.

I'd really advise against being punitive. My brother never told our (psychotic) mother or (enabling) father about his habit, so if everything had gone pear shaped he would have had no assistance.

[cory]

NeoFaust, iirc recent evidence does seem to suggest that the use of weed even as an occasional thing can trigger schizophrenia in predisposed people. And in that case, having people to turn to won't necessarily help him.

My friend killed himself once he realised that he had put his family at risk during a schizophrenic episode and might do so again.

The problem is, there is currently no test for determining who has got this predisposition and who hasn't.

Not saying the OP should either panic or give up. Just that she isn't necessarily wrong to take this seriously either.

[ancientbuchanan]

Op,

Make sure he has the facts. Recent piece in this week's news or last week is that over use of K can lead to having to have a colostomy eg at age 17 or 18; tell him about criminal records and countries he won't be allowed to go to if caught, and schizophrenia/ psychosis.

If you are really worried, move. In all seriousness..

Maryz would be a good source of advice.

My Ds is surrounded by them and likes the people who do and is afraid of seeming a geek or nerd.

It's really hard. I don't like where that crowd is leading him. I liked his last years friends, this years ate prob nice underneath but are far less emotionally mature and it is not good news.

[NeoFaust]

Cory,

You are quite right, most psychoactive drugs can have negative effects on those with a schizophrenic predisposition. However, mentally ill people are those who most need support from their family. While the instinct is, naturally, to come up with an extreme response it really is more crucial that lines of communication are kept open.

Too many young people end up struggling alone with mental health issues even without drugs involved. Add in the fear of a parent overreacting to drug use and they are more likely to isolate themselves, fulminate and endanger themselves. Punitive reactions are the immediate response of a caring parent, but are not automatically appropriate.

[louiseanna12]

My friend does from ketamine. Get him off it.

[Missgiraffe1]

OP I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's not good, and I know it's risky, but it doesn't necessarily mean he will waste away his life. What you have described was me and a lot of my friends (&dh) at around 16/17years old. Almost all of us have been to Uni and now have good (some very good) jobs and careers. And families. Most of our parents knew nothing about it at the time.
However, I can imagine how terrifying it must be to be the parent of a teen doing drugs, as I now have a 17year old myself. And, I do know how risky it is as my DDs dad ended up being rushed to A&E from a club & probably would have died had there not been paramedics there at the club when he fell ill.
It sounds as though you are doing everything you can. Making sure he's informed of the dangers and knows how to recognise when something's not right (ie if he feels strange... Well, stranger than usual, if you know what I mean!) is important. Friends need to look out for each other in that environment.
To be perfectly honest (and I am NOT condoning it), we had an amazing time partying. I understand why he's doing it. But yes, we were lucky. And you do, undoubtedly, take a risk every time you take drugs.
I hope you don't think I'm minimising your concerns. 13/14/15 is very young and I would definitely be beside myself if it was my DD. I hope it's just a phase for your DS though, and that it passes without any long term damage, and without any scares.
Sorry, I don't really have any advice as such. I just thought it might reassure you to know that lots of teens go through the experimental stage and come out the other end relatively unscathed. Sending you strength for coping with such a difficult situation.

[flow4]

Hi racerider, here are links to some of the drugs threads I've posted on. lazymum is right that I've had similar problems...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1844039-Teen-son-finding-his-way

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1847677-13-years-old-doing-drugs-need-advice-please-HELP

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1410849-17yo-son-is-smoking-dope-How-do-I-handle-this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1470983-18-year-old-son-threatened-about-drugs-any-advice

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1509902-Cannabis-dilemma-sorry-a-bit-long-different-than-the-other-cannabis-post

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1632544-Home-weed-drug-test-positive-result

Just to give you some hope... My DS was using a lot of drugs at 15-17: skunk daily, m-cat weekly then daily, and lots of other drugs when he could get his hands on them. His drug taking was out of control in a way your son's does not seem to be. And he did not have enough money, so he sold his things and then some of mine, and stole. He underachieved at school and then spent a nightmare year doing next-to-nothing. I threw him out twice and came within 24 hours of doing it for a third time and not letting him back.

Then, for various reasons (you will find out about some of them if you read the threads), he started to get his act together. He got himself onto a college course he wanted to do, and he started to do some work. Now, at 18.5, he is doing well at college, applying to uni, volunteering, and working part-time in a paid job. Thank goodness.

He is still using some drugs. He smokes cannabis, but no longer on a daily basis, and not skunk. I expect he would take other drugs if he was offered them at parties. But drugs are no longer running or ruining his life. Why? Well, I don't know for sure, but I think it has to do with aspiration. At 15/16, he couldn't see anything he wanted to do. At 18, he can. He has reasons not to mess up his life.

My experience tells me that the kids with aspirations do OK, unless they are very unlucky... The ones who crash and burn are those who have nothing to lose. Your DS, racerider, sounds like he's in the first group. Do everything you can to make sure it stays that way.

[wakemeupnow]

My Ds is similar, started weed young , then onto MDMA, acid, mescalin, ketamine.... It has caused me so much worry and stress over the years.

If he wants to take them in my experience there's not much you can do to stop him. Restrict money available to him. Try to get to know his friends by making them welcome. ( better the devil you know !) Let him know the risks, share your fears... and trust that he has enough sense about him to not get into too much danger/trouble.

Keep the channels of communication open so if he does have a problem he will feel able to come and tell you. Unfortunately our teens have to find things out for themselves to really understand. Ds supported a friend through a terrible acid trip and that put him off more any of my warnings.. I'm glad he could to talk to me about the experience.

[Racerider]

Missgirraffe. Thank you for your kind words
Flow4 thank you for balanced sensible advice. !
Wakeme I agree with you about friends, however my DS will not let us meet his friends, he only goes to other people's houses, never brings mates here, prob because we have younger kids and are always home - they presumably always find a house where parents are out or who don't care what goes on.
Have had a better weekend with DS ok with tighter curfews busy studying for mocks helps at moment. The summer hols are the worst time for us.

[Barbados01]

I have a terrible problem with my 17 year old son he is snorting something on a regular basis and won't say what. I have made appt with drugs counsellor but I'm so worried as I no it's didfficult to stop these habits. It seems to be normal for all the kids to smoke weed these days . My older son whos20 was never like this I don't no where I've gone wrong

[wakemeupnow]

Barbabos It could be ketamine, coke or speed amongst others that he's snorting. What's the come down like ? What are his pupils like when he's high ? You could maybe deduce from that.

It's not helpful to blame yourself and think you have gone wrong anywhere. Some kids are drawn to these new experiences and there's precious little we can do to stop them.

They believe they are indestructible. We can stop enabling them by not giving them money. We can educate them and make them aware of the risks and consequences. We can find them support from counsellors and pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong.

We also need to try not to let the stress and worry overwhelm us.

[Racerider]

Barb. I'm going through with similar with ds15. He says they are bombing which is wrapping mdma powder in paper and swallowing. The kids say ' everyone' smokes weed, this is not true, it's just those they mix with. Most kids do not.
It is NOT your fault. He is choosing to do this.
I've been advised To give him NO cash ever - not sure if that's possible for you.
Please call drugfam.co.uk. They have experienced counsellors and can help. You need to speak to someone ASAP 0845. 3883853
I'm sorry I don't have any answers, going through hell ourselves,
Thinking of you

[Barbados01]

Thank you so much I've got an appt with compass which is a counselling service where I live in harrow. The money side is difficult as he has a Saturday job but I don't give him any extra. I've looked at his eyes but they don't seem to look any different it's just his aggressive behaviour towards me. I worked out all this started when he started his a levels two of them are psychology and sociology which seems to make him want to do all the things he's learning not too .

[ShinyGirl]

I hope you don't give them spelling lessons, Joe

[EDImean]

Whats wrong with drugs? Amy winehouse turned out fine
#teresaMDMAY

[endofthelinefinally]

Show him my thread in bereavement.