found suicide notes in my daughter's pocket

[WorriedMomtolovelyDD]

My DD is away on a sleepover so I went to get her laundry and emptied her pockets. She has written several suicide notes to me and to her friends and also had some blades and a piece of glass in her pocket.
I have no idea what to do about this, her father says nothing, let it go as it's just what teenagers do but I absolutely do not agree with that.
I could do with some good advice and hand holding please.

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

Holding your hand.

What an awful shock for you. Has she been upset lately? Any background to this? Are you on your own? X

[Igloofornow]

I don't think this is what teenagers do, you have to speak to her today and get her to a & e if she has suicidal ideation. What age is she? Are you 100% sure of her whereabouts? (Sorry to ask).

[WorriedMomtolovelyDD]

She has had a big upset recently, yes. However the notes seem to suggest that she is stressed about her school work, she does put a lot of pressure on herself.
She's 15. Yes, I am sure I know where she is as her friend's Mom collected her and took her round to their house and I will be collecting her from there soon.
I will try and talk to her, she will not want to talk about it and will probably be on the defensive, I know that I would be. I cannot work out where to start, she will be furious that I have gone through her pockets.

[SilverApples]

I'd sit down with her quietly and ask her what is wrong, not with her but with her life that needs fixing. What are the things that are making her despair.
She needs to know that you are not judging her, angry or disappointed, just that you love her and are on her side against whatever she's facing.
How old is she?
One of the huge problems with being a teen is that every negative emotion and experience is intense and often for the first time. They have no well of past experiences to draw upon, no way of comparing what is happening to what has gone before and been overcome. When they scream 'It's impossible, the worst thing ever, I can't' they truly mean it.
They also often don't realise that you can change things, that they are not on a one way road without escape, that GCSEs can be taken again, or any time, that if you fail at something, you can either do something completely different or try again later. Their experienc eis so limited that sometimes despair is their default because they can't think of a way out.
ADs can help stabilise the rollercoaster of emotions and level it out a bit, counselling can help them find a path. GP is the next step, after she is sure that come what may, you love her and have her back.
There are hugely experienced posters on MN who have teenagers who have been and are in the same position, they will give much more advice and support. It is something that some teenagers do, ignoring it is not a good choice IMO. But you are not alone.

[SilverApples]

But you always go through her pockets before you do her laundry.
It's part of your routine, and she knows that.

[specialsubject]

she wanted you to find this, even though she will probably deny it. So hopefully it is a cry for help rather than a serious intention, and happily you have heard.

please call for advice as mentioned.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

Bloody hell - please ignore her father.

Perhaphs she is focussing on her school work to distract herself from dealing with her Big Upset. Can you get her to see a counsellor? She might find it easier to talk to someone that isn't emotionally involved.

A real shock for you and a worry... but hopefully it's a cry for help and you can be there for her.

[Innismhor]

Please ignore her father. Try and raise this with her, then listen. Really listen. Tell back to her what she has told you so she knows you understand what she is saying. Avoid any temptation to tell her what to do. Tell her that you love her and will do anything you can to help her.

The GP will be able to help.

She needs you more than ever before. Keep strong. And keep listening.

[IDismyname]

Worried - can I suggest you have a chat with her in the car while on your way somewhere? She can't run and hide, but there is no need for any eye contact... and its private, too.

I used to volunteer for Homestart, and now volunteer for NSPCC - a car journey is often suggested as a good place to talk.

[WorriedMomtolovelyDD]

Thank you. We did chat in the car on the way back from her friends. She says she wrote them a while back and hadn't thrown them away, she does not want to die and wants to live. I honestly do not know what to make of it; she will talk of her future and things she is looking forward to doing and places she wants to go. She enjoys going to the sports center with her friends and has plans for university when she graduates.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

Did you ask her why she wrote them at the time - did she want to die then? Did you ask her why she changed her mind? Did you tell her how scared it made you to read them?

You poor thing

[Innismhor]

Well done. And you've talked about it now, so she knows you'll listen if she wants to talk again another time. That's a big thing for her to know.