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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

condoms for my dd1 and her boyfriend??

70 replies

condomania · 10/10/2013 10:52

She's been in a relationship for a few months now and they are thinking about sleeping together.Some people won't agree with me here but I think I need to help them out before it happens....He is 16 and she is 15 and,rightly or wrongly,I feel the need to make sure they are protected.She's told me that they are both too embarrassed to get some condoms so I said I would get her some to discreetly keep in her handbag just incase things started to 'happen'.Embarrassingly for me, (45 with 3 teenage kids!), I have NEVER bought condoms in my life!!! What should I get her for 'starters'?? HELP!!!

OP posts:

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condomania · 10/10/2013 10:59

also,errmm size?? or are they all 'average'?

OP posts:

londonmum14 · 10/10/2013 10:59

How about a chastity belt?
Providing my underage child with condoms wouldn't sit right with me.

CressidaMontgomery · 10/10/2013 11:01

You're 45 and you don't know a thing about condoms? And as for 'size' .. They're pretty standard unless you want to casually ask him if he's a big boy?

I would NOT buy my 15 year old daughter condoms and if she is ' too embarrassed ' to buy them then she is too embarrassed to have sex IMO

She is underage. Be a parent and stop trying to be all liberal and cool would be my advice

YoureBeingADick · 10/10/2013 11:02

I think you can get packs with various sizes in it. Also- its brilliant that she is talking to you about this- but why does she have to discreetly keep condoms? Im very much of the opinion that if you are mature enough to have sex then you damn well better be mature enough to do it safely and there is nothing embarrassing about practising safe sex. Personally i would advise both of them to visit the family planning clinic beforehand where thy will get advice from someone non squeamish and free condoms.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 10/10/2013 11:04

The pill
A visit to the GP/family planning - take them together :)

CMOTDibbler · 10/10/2013 11:06

You need to get her to the family planning clinic (most have special sessions for young people) so she can get on some contraception and get condoms.

In my area, once you've been to a clinic/seen a sexual health advisor, you get given a special card that you then just show at the pharmacy counter and get a plain bag of condoms free

Hadmeathello · 10/10/2013 11:07

As the mother of a 15 year old daughter myself I have to say I completely agree with Cressida.

BurberryQ · 10/10/2013 11:08

you should not facilitate this as he is 16 and she is 'underage' which could lead to a whole heap of trouble.

Mabelface · 10/10/2013 11:09

Yes to visiting the family planning clinic. It's great that she's communication with you too, but it is good to remind her boyfriend that he will be breaking the law if he does have sex with her, and a few months is not a serious relationship. She may have sex with him then regret it. They may split and he could tell his mates that he's slept with her. I keep telling my daughter that just because they are going out, they don't HAVE to have sex, it's not mandatory. I also tell her that her body is the one thing that is ever truly hers and she should respect it and expect others to. I think you are right to provide access to contraception, as long as you provide the information that's needed.

aturtlenamedmack · 10/10/2013 11:09

I would agree that if she isn't mature enough to buy condoms then she probably isn't mature enough to be having sex.
That said, she won't see it that way and she will probably still have sex, so you need to do your best to make sure that she is protected.
Rather than giving her the condoms, I'd research some local family planning services or clinics aimed at her age group. She will be able to get free condoms there and will also have access to advice and support should she need it.
She could also look into getting a C card.
Encourage her to take responsibility for her own contraception and provide her with the information about how to do so, rather than the condoms themselves.

somethingscary · 10/10/2013 11:11

If teenagers want to have sex, they will. Better that they have an open relationship with their mother. I would either send them to the clinic or buy them some in Boots or the supermarket. Mine waited until she was 17 but I would have been very pleased if she had wanted to talk to me about it at 15. At least the op's daughter isn't doing it unprotected on a pile of coats with someone she's met at a party.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 10/10/2013 11:19

Ha ha!

All those saying that you shouldn't provide an underage person with condoms are probably going to end up being grandparents young!

All this "too young to get condoms too young for sex" is idealistic and completely putting your heads in the sand. Being too embarrassed to go to a family planning clinic or buy condoms (would they have the cash to even get them their selves?) won't actually stop them doing the deed if they get carried away one day.

I doubt that a couple of horny teenagers are going to stop and think in the same way as us older people would. If you want to protect your teenagers you need to think like they would think . . . and its likely they will think with their genitals.

MN makes me laugh sometimes, and not in a good way!

condomania · 10/10/2013 11:22

thanks all! I SERIOUSLY do NOT think I'm cool haha!! I do,however,find with my own kids at least,that allowing them to be able to tell me ANYTHING,that they-up until now anyway!-are not sneaking around behind my back.(Unlike an awful lot of other kids who come to ME for advice because they don't feel comfortable around their own parents!) I am not shy about ANYTHING and some of their friends have shared stuff with me that would make some parents' toes curlobviously,I have to be careful that the information that I give them,is sensible and sometimes I have to tell them NOT to tell me TOO much as that would make me responsible and I would have to tell their parents anyway. The condom thing however,is just something I never had to do.I was married fairly young and we didn't have any reason to use them at the time...just OUR thing. Sorry if what I'm doing offends you,but I believe my parenting is as goodand,yes,sometimes at fault!--as anyone else!!! Thankyou to those of you who have supported me though

OP posts:

twoteens · 10/10/2013 11:24

Great that you have a good enough relationship for her to talk to you about it and ask you to get some condoms, how many young girls get pregnant because they cant speak to there parents about about it or know that there parents would disprove. (and of course we would prefer for our teens not to have sex)
maybe try and guide them to a family planning/brook clinic were there are professionals who can guide and help them they must deal with a lot of embarrassed teens.
in the mean time buy some from boots a selection so that there are some available if the need arises.
and keep the lines of communication always open maybe chatting about if she is ready and not to feel pressured etc but she is covered if she makes that decision.
better to facilitate this then a unwanted pregnancy.

twoteens · 10/10/2013 11:26

x posted

CressidaMontgomery · 10/10/2013 11:26

Just this once ... I have a 15 year old DD and what with not having being born when dinosaurs were roaming the earth, I'm more than able to 'think like a teenager'

I'm as sure as I can be that I won't be a grandparent young. Of course I talk to my DD but facilitating sex in your UNDERAGE CHILD is just bonkers. Seriously ... You don't 'have ' to be all laid back and accepting and cool. You parent effectively, you discuss it and you strongly advise on the best course of action. Which ( unless you're mad ) is not encouraging underage sex by purchasing condoms.

I'm not old fashioned, I just don't want my DD to have sex yet. If you want your 15 year old to have sex, well, that's your issue.

I'm not even convinced by this OP either so we are probably all going to argue for nothing

condomania · 10/10/2013 11:27

yes,you're right! some people need a reality check!!

OP posts:

YoureBeingADick · 10/10/2013 11:29

Just to make an obvious but as yet unmentioned point- pregnancy is not the only reason to use condoms- being a young granny is not the worst thing that could happen here.

HerrenaHarridan · 10/10/2013 11:29

You are absolutely doing the right thing by making condoms accessible.

Not having condoms won't stop her having sex. Having condoms will hopefully stop her having unprotected sex.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2013 11:32

What should I get her for 'starters'??

A trip to the family planning clinic and a heart-to-heart about whether she is absolutely 100% sure she wants to have sex with this box.

ParvatiTheWitch · 10/10/2013 11:33

Having protected, consensual sex at 15 won't harm her or ruin her life. Getting pregnant/an sti might. You know what to do OP.

MrsCosmopilite · 10/10/2013 11:39

Although 15 is young, and as we are well aware, under age - if teens are going to have sex, they'll find a way to do it. I clearly remember a classmate leaving school aged 14 because she was pregnant. Her bf was 17. She was due to return when the baby was a year old, but got pregnant again...

Rather be open and honest so that your DD feels she can discuss this with you.

Agree that they should both be going to the family planning clinic. I don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter having sex young (although she's not 3 yet!), but realise that in reality I can only advise and suggest best course of action, and be supportive.

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TheAwfulDaughter · 10/10/2013 11:41

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Dwerf · 10/10/2013 11:47

I'd take a moment to remind her of the concequences for him because she is under-age. A conviction, sex -offenders register etc. I don't know how aggressively the police would pursue this. Anecdotal experience ranges from 'conviction' to 'not at all'. Is she 16 soon? Could they be persuaded to wait a few weeks/ months?

That issue aside, I'd point her in the direction of the family planning clinic, where she should get access to free condoms and long-term protection. If she's mature enough for that relationship, then they should be mature enough to sort out the contraception. That's the way I'd play it to her. Her future is in her hands and the adult thing for her to do is to make sure she's doing the adult stuff safely.

It's good that she can talk to you though. Long may that continue.

specialsubject · 10/10/2013 11:52

belt and braces, plus patience needed. Get her down the GP for the pill, and a session with the family planning nurse on condoms and how to use them.

and knees together until she is 16, because that's the law.

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