14 year old wont come home and girlfriends mum encouraging this

(11 Posts)
worried100 Sat 05-Oct-13 09:13:37

2 weeks ago my son went to hit me because i went to take his ipod off him as he was refusing to do anything i asked. this ended up with him storming out and going to his gf house. Then later that night about 9pm i get a knock at the door it was the police come to see if i was ok as my son and gf was at the local station saying i had hit my son. The police officer told me not to worry looks like he just spat his dummy out. But because off the accusation a social worker became involved. The social worker told me my son was going to stay at his gf over the weekend so he could calm down and her mum is happy for this. i agreed this on the understanding he would be home monday. Monday came i spoke with both police and ss and because there was no charge on me my son will be coming home. so ss rang his gf mum and told her to send him home she said no she is keeping him for the for see-able future because he don't want to go home. So a mediation meeting was set up for me and my son to meet this did not go well my son flipped and said his gf mum as said this and that (all lies but he believes her and i am the 1 lying. So the police went to see her and she told them she don't want my son there but her daughter does. so this was reported back to ss. It was then rearranged for me to collect him last night at 6 she told me he had gone out and wont be back till late. she then told ss she is keeping him. I don't like the idea that 2 14 year olds are living together and who are sexually active and all ready have a baby (who lives with me as gf mum wants baby adopted out as she dont want nothing to do with baby she as not told anybody about baby.). I am struggling to understand her she don't want to know baby but wants my son. She tells police she dont want him there and ss she will keep him. She as blocked my number so i can not call her to talk and said if i go near her house she will do me for trespassing How do i get him home???

flow4 Sat 05-Oct-13 19:30:48

worried, it sounds like a very stressful situation.

Can I just check some facts that I'm not sure about from what you've posted? I think the answers might affect any opinions and advice people give you...

Have I understood these things right...
Your son and his girlfriend already have a baby together?
You look after the baby full time?
Social services are already involved with your family?

What happened to the first thread you had saying exactly the same?

worried100 Sat 05-Oct-13 19:53:43

my other thread keeps despairing.

yes they do have a baby and i look after it full time and ss are involved because i am going parental rights off the baby

flow4 Sat 05-Oct-13 21:59:07

Oh worried. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be trying to deal with a teenage boy who's already a father, though he is still a child, and look after a baby too. Your DS and his girlfriend are probably all over the place - full of mixed up emotions, and maybe behaving like the kids they are, while thinking they're all grown up..? sad And there's you, trying to hold it all together...

I'm trying to imagine how my boys would behave in the same situation. I think DS1 would be terrified but pretend to be full of bravado. How does your DS seem?

I think the social workers are your allies here. They will be most interested in the safety and well-being of the baby, but they also have a duty to safeguard your DS and the girl. If you tell them you are concerned that they're having sex, and that you want your son back, they should back you up.

Your best bet is probably to remember you're the grown up here - maybe the only grown-up in the whole situation, since the girl's mother doesn't seem to be behaving very responsibly. If you can stay calm and sensible, I think you have the best chance of improving the situation.

worried100 Sun 06-Oct-13 06:56:28

I have told both ss and the police about my concerns regarding my so and his gf. They agree with me but don't seem to help. Ss are happy with babies progress and have no worries. I am a very calm person but enough is enough I want my son home. I feel like gfs mum is poisoning my son because she not got her own way with baby as she wants her adopted out so her secret is safe.

bubby64 Sun 06-Oct-13 16:53:02

It also sounds to me that your son and his gf are also trying to pretend the baby isnt there as well, and whilst they are at her mums, they can behave like the 14yr olds they want to be, rather than the teenage parent's they really are. The mum also sounds very irresponsible for allowing them to continue sleeping together despite them already showing in the most extreme way by already having a child, that they are not sexually responsible!
I agree that ss are your best way forward, but their wheels can grind extremely slowly at times, especially as to get your son returned to you the best way is through mediation, and, as you are well awsre, mediation with hormone charged teenagers is really difficult!
i dont know whether they would involve the law courts, they are very reluctant to do this if no actual risk is involved.

Cohomological Mon 07-Oct-13 22:12:18

Do you really think it is acceptable to steal his property because he won't obey you?

MaryRose Tue 08-Oct-13 19:35:59

Steal his property? Cohomological what planet are you on? The OP tried to take his Ipod because he is a CHILD (and a very irresponsible one at that!) who would not do as he asked ffs! No advice OP sorry but feel for you. Gf's mum sounds more immature than the kids,not what you need x

worried100 Wed 09-Oct-13 07:12:21

Never said I was stealing is iPod. I was trying to take it off him as he was playing on it and ignoreing me. There is a difference.

Thank you maryrose.

MaryRose Wed 09-Oct-13 11:24:02

Of course there is worried :-) he's a child at the end of the day. I would've done the same-have done before when DD is a pain! Hugs

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