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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Nasty little shits in the village -what would you do?

76 replies

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 10:15

Want some thoughts on how to tackle this. DS 13 was threatened yesterday by a much older boy (17 I think) and his "gang" basically had to run into the local and call us to come and get him as was very scared, obviously very distraught. When his dad picked him up these boys these boys were aggressive and swaggering, really facing up. His dad felt he best not to say anything. I really am fed up with this behaviour and sick of DS and other kids being intimated by these people. Without sounding judgemental but the mother is a single parent has 8 kids and expecting her 9th. She has no control over them so no point in talking to her. I know for a fact she was evicted from her last house because of her horrible kids, people applauded when she left. The fact they saw it fit place her here just makes me angry. So now DS will be afraid to go out. I want to call the police but DS begged me not too as he thinks it will make matters worse. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Report

alreadytaken · 30/09/2013 10:20

I would discuss informally with the local police. Unless you make a formal complaint the police probably won't take any action (that could be damaging to your son) but it will mean they are known to be a problem if there are other things later.

You also need to think about how your DS can avoid them and perhaps about some self-defence training for him.

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 10:25

thanks already sadly the police are painfully aware of these kids. Trouble is it is a small village it would be impossible to avoid them. So now he will be house bound. Did have DS going to Tae Kwondo as I thought it would be good for his self esteem, as quite shy. Unfortunately he gave it up.

OP posts:

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 16:37

I have just found out that the "boy" in question is nearly 18 years. He is also selling drugs and apparently yesterday episode was because he was out of his head on something. This person is nearly and adult and mixing with 13/14 year old. Not sure I am comfortable about that.

OP posts:

RippingYarns · 30/09/2013 16:39

if you have proof he is dealing, then no need for an informal complaint, make a formal one to the police?

wakemeupnow · 30/09/2013 16:52

Maybe you could try being nice to the mum, she's probably having a shit time herself, you never know it could help turn things around....

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 16:56

How do I get proof though. I feel the police are very tolerant troubled family's. If this boy thought DS and snitched on him then sure hie life would become very difficult. These kids are not afraid of the police.

OP posts:

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 16:58

wake I am pretty sure if I tried to speak to this woman "nicely" she will tell me to fuck off. She has no control over her kids sadly.

OP posts:

RippingYarns · 30/09/2013 16:59

well, if you haven't got proof, you have to let that go as hearsay really

so, as wake suggests, have you ever spoken to the mum?

sometimes if we understand why people are the way they are, things change.

what about the other lads in the group, are they at the same school as your DS? what happens there?

Hullygully · 30/09/2013 17:01

Tell the police

Move if possible

girlylala0807 · 30/09/2013 17:06

Im a single mum. My child does not behave like this.

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 17:07

ripping exactly I can not accuse someone with proof. So I guess will have to wait until this person physically hurts DS rather than threats
hully I have no intention of moving I have lived here for 12 years, why the hell should we. This person was kicked out of her last house because she made peoples life hell, To be relocated to a massive house in the village to accomodate all of them. And it seems the cycle is starting again. She has a chance for a new start.

OP posts:

OddBoots · 30/09/2013 17:08

If you know he is dealing then maybe an anon call to Crimestoppers (0800 555 111) would be the answer - less chance of the family then knowing it was you.

Orchidlady · 30/09/2013 17:10

girly this is not about being a single parent. I have been a single parent and my kids did not behave like this. Unfortunately she has 8 kids by several different fathers so I think it is a struggle.

OP posts:

pantsonbackwards · 30/09/2013 17:12

I have a similar situation. All you can do is report everything to the police and get crimes numbers. Then use those as part of your complaints to the antisocial behaviour team and also the council or housing association if that's where they are living. You have to record every episode of anti social behaviour and report every single time to build
everyone above and anyone else you can think of. For the housing people they can supply you with forms to fill in about every incident.

Tell the police it was threatening behaviour and whatever direct threats they made.

Encourage anyone else who has similar problems to also complain. If you say nothing and no one reports similar then they won't be able to build a good case for eviction.

StuckOnARollercoaster · 30/09/2013 17:13

It sounds horrible.
You clearly want to do something so your son isn't housebound, but realistically the only option is to let the police know because there are no other authorities that will take any action. Just make it very clear that you are reporting it anonymously because your son is worried about reprisals.
I would talk to your son about his feelings and what he wants to do. He's old enough to be part of the solution and what he feels will give him the confidence to be able to walk on by and past these thugs and not let their stupid threats and taunts affect him. Is it taking up some kind of self defence again, or just talking regularly and working on his confidence and self esteem.
Good luck - I remember being bullied on an estate and I wish I'd had a better relationship with my parents so that I could have shared with them what was happening, so you're already on the right track in that he knows he can turn to you for help...

pantsonbackwards · 30/09/2013 17:15

The drug dealing can be reported via crimestoppers. If no crime being committed then they have nothing to worry about.

Also, how the hell would the op get proof?! Are you suggesting she goes undercover?

She's also not making a judgement on single parents for fuck sake. Shes explaining the family situation.

pantsonbackwards · 30/09/2013 17:16

So many chips on shoulders on this bloody forum!

HeySoulSister · 30/09/2013 17:19

You say he's got a 'gang'? So who are they? Do you know them? You also say you are fed up with this behaviour? What else has happened?

ChoudeBruxelles · 30/09/2013 17:21

Do you know if she lives in council or housing association property? If they do complain to the landlord as well as the police. Aldo try complaining to schools if you where any of them go - if they still go

RippingYarns · 30/09/2013 17:25

pants i was asking because if the OP had seen it, then she might have needed info on how/where to report it, no need to puff your chest up here, we're all reading the same stuff, you know?

OP, i did ask about school, are any of the lads at school with DS?

zippey · 30/09/2013 17:25

What a nightmare situation OP but there have been a few suggestions already. Unfortunatly they need to live somewhere. If no one is brave enough to go to the police then this will rumble on until they get reported or something bad happens.

Maybe you can go to the police as a group with other people who have issues with this family?

sisterofmercy · 30/09/2013 17:37

Crimestoppers is anonymous OP ring them.

specialsubject · 30/09/2013 18:28

agreed - if no-one calls the cops, this will go on forever. contact them and explain the level of threats and that you think that your son may be in danger because you have called them.

if she is in council or housing association property they also need to know.

there just may be a miracle worker somewhere who can help the woman to change the behaviour of her kids which would be the best outcome. But doing nothing means nothing will be done.

Orchidlady · 01/10/2013 08:51

Thanks for all the suggestions. It is horrible I know it can take a long time to get people out. There is a another lad in the village who has caused so many problems, over years, he has SN but his mother is the problem as she is an absolute hopeless parent. Police told me "not to worry as something is being done, they could not go into details" that was months ago and nothing has changed.
I will speak to DS and see how he is feeling. Will make sure I record everything. I have a feeling this will get worse before it gets better. Ironically we live in lovely rural area, she was moved here from a town, what do they think that these people will suddenly have a personality change.

OP posts:

pantsonbackwards · 01/10/2013 09:20

Sorry, up above it should say that you need to report everything so they can build a case.

I guess they have to move them somewhere. In my case its next door and we have all the same problems you mentioned.

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