first boyfriend

[KatyPutTheCuttleOn]

Well it's finally happened, DD has a boyfriend.

So, did you have 'the talk' about contraception and sexual health and so on? Did you lay down ground rules or did you assume that you'd already covered all contraception etc with earlier talks and school sex education?

Help!

[sweetfluffybunnies]

It depends how old your dd is, but for my dd I didnt lay down any rules as such, but did talk to her lots about keeping safe, sticking to her own boundaries, self-respect and so on.

If you really think she might have sex, by her some condoms and take her to the doctors for the pill, that way she's prepared if something 'just happens'!

I wouldnt rely on school sex education alone, it might have been several years ago and rather more biology-focussed than relationship-focussed if you see what I mean.

[MisguidedAngel]

My DD was offended when I spoke to her about contraception when she had her first steady boyfriend. She thought I was sullying love's young dream with sordid assumptions! She was 15 (it was 30 years ago). We'd talked previously in theory, of course. I thought then and think now it was the right thing to do. I agree with sweetfluffybunnnies.

[KatyPutTheCuttleOn]

DD is 15. Thanks fluffy and misguided, I will sit down and have a chat with her later (when the younger siblings are well and truly asleep!)

[monikar]

Katy have you spoken to your DD about anything like this before? I have a 17yo DD and find that conversations that could be awkward for either of us are best held while I am driving. There is no chance for her to leave the conversation, I am doing something, plus there is no eye contact. I don't know if this would be possible for you if you have little ones though.

School sex education at my DD's school was very thorough - DD told me what each lesson had entailed. She did need some clarification of some things though. I think you are wise to talk to her yourself.

If I were you, I would chat about the possibility of doing these things because she wants to, not because the bf wants to, not because her friends think she should, or indeed his friends think she should, but because she wants to. I hope I have empowered my DD to be able to stick to her own boundaries.

Also, you may find during these conversations that DD tells you some really shocking things about what others have done - I try and keep a neutral expression when told these things even if inside I am thinking omg. My policy is that I want her to be safe, and as far as I am able I still want to protect her. I have always thought that if I appear shocked and disapproving about sexual matters, she then won't confide in me at a time when she really might need my help.

Good luck - hope that helps a little.

[KatyPutTheCuttleOn]

Not much, no. We have spoken about the stuff like periods and body changes and so on, but not for some time. About all we've spoken about was ages ago and was about pregnancy and sexuality - that whatever happens in her life she only has to talk to me and I'll always be there for her regardless of whether or not I approve of what she's done.
No, the car wouldn't be an option because her younger brother would be sniggering in the back!

[monikar]

If the car is not an option, then I would broach the subject when both of you are otherwise engaged in a boring job like washing up - that way it seems a little more casual and you both are doing something. You are also likely to have a conversation that flows more easily than if you formally 'sit down' for the chat.