13yo Son - Angry Young Man Syndrome!

[LeanneA]

Hi, New here, and wanting to get some perspective on my 13 yo and his mood swings. He turned 13 last month, and has always been prone to grumpy/moody spells, but OMG, has this kicked in big time!

He is totally Jekyll and Hyde at the moment; one minute you can be having quite a rational conversation, the next he looks at you like he could kill you and goes off on a rant. I get that I am almost afraid to talk to him some days. I try so hard to keep a lid on my anger with him, as I know he is probably going through so many hormonal changes and internal turmoil, but the way he speaks to me sometimes I just can't let it go. Hubby is totally upset by it all, blaming us for being useless parents as otherwise we wouldn't have such an unhappy and angry child, whilst I try to convince him this is just the teenager kicking in and we have to bear with it.

Yesterday we went out for a meal in the evening (hubby's birthday today), and everything was fine to start with, we were chatting about our day, talking about school etc. Suddenly DS went off on one, face changed to the Angry Young Man mode, he started biting our heads off at every opportunity. By the time we got home, he had calmed down abit, but then something so silly set him off again - he is always trailing his shoe laces, and hubby said as we left the meal "you will trip over them one day". DS got out of the car and fell over his laces - we both tried to stifle a laugh, and until recently he would have laughed too, but he stormed into the house, ranting and balling (and swearing which is not like him at all). Hubby told him to go to his room and if he couldn't come down in a better mood, not to come down at all. Didn't see him until 7.30 this morning, when he got up for school, totally blanked us both, didn't speak and went out the door at 8.15 without even looking at either of us. I hate sending him to school like this.

I just don't know how to deal with it. We have tried reasoning with him, removing privileges (like laptop etc), and just ignoring him, but nothing works and we end up feeling resentful and angry ourselves, and he seems totally unphased and carries on in his own sweet way, doing exactly as he wants and treating us like dirt!

I know there is no actual answer to this, and we just have to ride the storm until his hormones level out and the lovely young man we know he can be surfaces again. Don't get me wrong, he is good in so many ways - never in trouble at school, doing well there in fact and on the whole we know he is a good lad, but this constant bickering, arguments and downright hatred of us he seems to be showing all the time is getting us down (and more importantly can't be doing him much good either). I don't expect anyone to make this better, but just wanted to share and hope we are not alone with this.

Thanks, and sorry to the long, rambling first post. x x

[lljkk]

At least he went to school. :(

[Insanity]

No answers but offering an understanding hug!

My ds is nearly 13 and most days seems angry and miserable. This morning was awful, he was being especially foul to everyone and everything, I went to work stressed and at breaking point. Came home to find him in a lovely mood....he spins my head! I was even able to hold a conversation about how hurtful his comments are when he says he hates me and wishes he didn't live with us. He shrugged and replied "I only say that when I'm mad at you, I don't really mean it!"

[Mumzy]

I suspect his hormones are in a maelstrom. I get like that when I have PMT and bite everyone's heads off for no particular reason. Buggers these hormones

[louby44]

Oh my I could have written your post myself. My DS was 13 last Dec so he's closer to 14 now.

He is a mystery to me. I don't recognise this child that lives here anymore. This week has been awful.

He is SO moody. Winds everyone up. Utterly unkind to his brother (10). Answers back, is rude, slams doors. Refuses to go to bed. Bedroom is a pigsty.

He is fine at school, no problems there. But home life is a nightmare. He's had all electronic stuff taken off him!

Then out of the blue this morning he hugs me and tells me he loves me??? Then fights with his brother - arrrggghhhh!

[Travelledtheworld]

DS 13 is also currently lazy, moody, disrespectful.
However he is much better after exercise, and he started Rugby training at school this week. Came home pink cheeked, filthy, sweaty and very happy. Voluntarily took a shower and was in bed asleep at 9.30.

I know Ruby isn't for everyone, but some energetic activity really does seem to make a difference as an outlet for testosterone fuelled aggression.

[valiumredhead]

Lots of exercise and extreme moodiness/rudeness results in x box/lap top/phone being taken away and earned back by being polite.

[louby44]

Today I have taken DS13 door off his bedroom after he has slammed it repeatedly and cracked all the plaster.

I've been threatening to do this all week!

[bubby64]

I was going to start a post about my almost 13yr old twin sons, dts2 especially, then I read this and thought "this is exactly whst we sre experiencing!!
I am going to show this to DH, who has come to the erroneous conclusion that he is to blame for dts2's horrendous mood swings, where he goes from a giggly, quite immature boy, to this violent, swearing, item throwing, door slamming angry young man who seems to aim a lot of his anger towards his father for no particular reason except he knows it drives DH to disraction. His twin brother also has his moments towards us, but they are not as extreme or as frequent. However, the way the 2 of them fight at the moment, which actual injuries occuring on a regular basis, is quite scary, yet 1/2hr later, they are tjick as thieves again, giggling like idiots over some stupid you tube video.v

[flow4]

I have two friends (one a social worker and one a qualified psychiatric nurse and youth worker, so both experienced women) who dealt with this phase in their own teens by treating it with pity, as if it was a terrible affliction that the teenager had to deal with! They'd say things like "Oh NOOO, your moodiness is really baaaad today! I'm so sorry! What can we do to help you?" They avoided sarcasm too, and it worked, not least because they kept their own mood cheery and sympathetic rather than angry! I could never pull it off myself, but if you think you could, it might be worth a try...

[Ehhn]

I second vigorous activity. I've seen it transform angry young men.

[Travelledtheworld]

It's a sort of tribal thing isn't it ? In previous centuries they would have been out in the wild hunting and fighting. We keep them cooped up and feed them too much, no wonder they feel aggressive.