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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Opinions needed quickly please!!! 13 yr old DD going to seaside on her own..

48 replies

Gymbob · 30/08/2013 22:42

Do you think my 13yr old DD is too young to get a bus with her best friend to a seaside town that's about 40 miles away and spend the day there? They are going tomorrow morning, and even though I have said ok I do have reservations about it and it's weighing on my mind...

Both girls are very independent and mature for their age, but not sure if that alone makes them vulnerable and they are potentially putting themselves in danger.

Please tell me what you think.....quickly.........thanks so much....

OP posts:

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AgentProvocateur · 30/08/2013 22:43

No, of course they're not too young. Why do you think they'd be in danger getting a bus to the seaside?

Doilooklikeatourist · 30/08/2013 22:45

It's fine

tywysogesgymraeg · 30/08/2013 22:46

They'll be fine. I assume they both have mobile phones? They can call you if anything happens.

notanyanymore · 30/08/2013 22:48

No I wouldn't be ok with that. AT ALL.

5madthings · 30/08/2013 22:51

I think they should be fine :) they have phones and can contact you if necessary?

You know your child, I know my just 14 yr old would have been fine doing that, he went on the train to London to meet family or in London he would go off to museums etc whilst I went to Covent garden a and then we met up later. This so the age where they start to get more freedom depending on their level or maturity :)

gallicgirl · 30/08/2013 22:51

Nope,too far. Maybe for the afternoon to the local beach but not 40 miles away.

WeAreEternal · 30/08/2013 22:52

I would not allow it,
40 miles is too far for a couple of 13 year olds to travel alone. IMO.

Can you comprise and go along to but not spend the day with them, just be there in the same town doing your own thing.

Arisbottle · 30/08/2013 22:53

40 miles away would worry me.

Gymbob · 30/08/2013 23:10

Mmmm, thanks guys I can see both sides.

WeAreEternal funny you should say that! We were only there as a family the day before yesterday, and really don't want to go back there again so soon. It's a bit of a chavvy resort!

Yes, they'll both have mobiles, but if anything happens I can't be there in 10 minutes can I? More like an hour and a half.

I don't really think they are putting themselves in danger, but i do think I'm think I'm thinking too much if you know what I mean

OP posts:

gallicgirl · 30/08/2013 23:14

Southend, innit?

Bowlersarm · 30/08/2013 23:15

No I wouldn't. But apparently I don't let my DC's do a lot of things MNers would.

Wolfiefan · 30/08/2013 23:19

Me too Bowlers!
40 miles on a bus?
No adults around all day?
No way!

Mabelface · 30/08/2013 23:19

Not in a million years. I won't let them at 14, not that far away. If it was a few miles down the road, that would be different as I could get to them quickly if needed. And what Bowlersarm said.

MrsFrederickWentworth · 30/08/2013 23:20

Ok, how safe is the actual place? Chavvy may be fine , there could be lots of grans it mums hanging around in a way there would not be in somewhere more upmarket.

If you let them go, make sure

They have z few rules to keep

They must be back at x time.

They must get the x bus back and ring you beforehand when they arrive to tell you which one

They must under no.circs be separated, even if they have a row, or meet prince charming, or fall over

Have charge on their mobiles

Update you if there is something worrying

Not talk to strangers/ accept drinks or lifts ( esp the last)

Keep the emergency money you have given them safe

Know what to do in a crisis. ( shout fire, more people will come and look than if you shout help, find a policemen or s shopkeeper).

If they can repeat the rules to you, then let them go.

xalyssx · 30/08/2013 23:30

Is it a direct bus route or do they need to change?

curlew · 30/08/2013 23:33

Oh, for crying out loud- what do you think's going to happen to them?

Arisbottle · 30/08/2013 23:38

Why would someone with excessive gold and sportswear be any more danger to your child than someone dressed in Boden?

Gymbob · 30/08/2013 23:43

Well at least you're a mixed bunch about it. If you were all screaming NOOOOO at me then I think I would have to definitely call it off.

No it's a direct bus, from station to station. And Fred I love your comprehensive list! Yes, the place does have a crime rate, which does worry me, but we have been countless times as a family, also pre-family and haven't seen any trouble. We have never been there at night though, which is when I think it all kicks off.

OP posts:

Gymbob · 30/08/2013 23:45

Cos I'm a snob Arisbottle . And the former tend to have more crude tattoos, swear at their kids more, and shop at Netto

OP posts:

NoComet · 30/08/2013 23:56

Depends totally on how much freedom they are used to.
If they are used to doing a few hours including lunch in your local town and can cope with public transport they'll be fine.

All day and an hour each way is less good if it's the first freedom they've had. I was quite happy in my grandparents big city all day at 13 on my own, but I'd cycled miles and gone to our small town shops from 10.

My 12y has been off for 4 hrs on with her friend this summer, shopping and lunch. They were exactly where they should be at the right time to be collected.

I wouldn't let her do public transport in her own, because we have very little and she does get enough practice. Her big, now 15 sister is fine with trains and probably would have been at 13, but she is less easily panicked and much more comfortable asking for help.

Personally, I think it's better to have adventures, a bit young. Your far more careful than if your 16 and have finally nagged your parents into submission.

BackforGood · 31/08/2013 00:02

What Starball said.
Like all these things, it's not a 'magic age' it's down to experience.
I wouldn't let my dd, but then she has no reason to travel that kind of journey at the moment (you say your dd has done it many times with you). I'd be happy with either of my dds (11 and 14) spending a large part of the day without me, as they've done that when I'm out and they are in - has your dd spent a long time without adults? Also depends on the maturity / confidence / etc., not only of your dd, but of her friend.

Monty27 · 31/08/2013 00:08

What's the matter with shopping at Netto OP? Some people go to food banks don't you know, even some mners?

And no, when dd was 13 there is no way I would have let her do that.

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curlew · 31/08/2013 07:35

I'm finding it a bit bizarre that the only real (if tiny) risk they might actually encounter hasn't been mentioned by anybody.

The sea.

curlew · 31/08/2013 07:41

Which, if you think about it, says everything that needs to be said about the way we assess risk.......

utterlyashamedofmyself · 31/08/2013 07:44

40 miles is much to far imho

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