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Teenagers

DS isn't very sociable and doesn't want to go out, should I be worried?

9 replies

PaulSmenis · 01/08/2013 14:45

Eldest DS 14 is a bit of a hermit at the moment.

I know he keeps in touch with his mates online, but he rarely leaves the house at the moment. He has met up with friends and gone out to town twice so far during the hols.

I've said that he could maybe do with going out more, but how pushy should I be? If I come across to heavy he'll just stay in his room to spite me. My mum has reassured me that it's just a phase, but a few of my friends are about the fact that my son rarely ventures out.

Should I leave him to his own devises for a while and see if he emerges from his cocoon in his own good time?

We are in the country, so all the kids are spread out, so it's not just a case of popping round the corner to see your mate.

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longingforsomesleep · 01/08/2013 15:15

I certainly wouldn't push him. I've got teenage boys ranging from 14-18 and they've all gone through hermit and social phases. Not sure which is worst to be honest. My eldest didn't go out much until he acquired a girlfriend at 17 and he's never in now as she's really sociable and is always organising things. My 16 year old couldn't be kept in up until he was about 15. But then I think he made a conscious decision to distance himself from the group he'd been hanging out with as some of them were starting to smoke dope. He still goes out when he can but not very often.

My youngest is 14 and he's just started going out this summer. Until recently he never went anywhere, just kept in touch with mates on line like your son. Frankly it was less of a worry when he was in his room!

But honestly, I'm sure he'll find his own way. I certainly wouldn't comment on his lack of social life - you don't want to dent his confidence. And certainly don't push him to humour your friends. It's none of their business and not something they should be expressing an opinion about.

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PaulSmenis · 01/08/2013 15:23

Thank you! This is the kind of advice I need.

Don't worry, I wouldn't turf him out because I'm worried about what my friends think. I just wanted to know if this is a normal teenage by thing. Thanks again!

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CatelynStark · 01/08/2013 15:28

My 11 year old only comes out of her room for food.
My 14 year old is plugged into the pc in the living room and has been out of the house maybe twice since the start of the holidays.
My 19 year old is always out bloody good!

It's natural and I just leave them alone to do their own thing. At least I know where they are :)

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bigbluebus · 01/08/2013 16:12

My DS (16) is the same. He spends all day on either computer/PS3/phone. He was supposed to come to the gym with me this morning and backed out at the last minute claiming to have 'pulled a muscle in his leg' - something which he had omitted to mention previously. I pay his gym membership so I lost it a little bit with him and have banned him from gadgets for the rest of the day. No exercise - no gadgets! He has still spent most of the day in his room although has ventured into the garden occasionally, and will be cooking dinner tonight. I even offered to drive him to the swimming pool for lane swimming at lunchtime, but he declined - CBA

He has been off school since 21st June and in that time has seen one friend, once, and that was when I cajoled him into texting to arrange a specific activity they do together. He says he communicates with his mates on a Facebook Chat group and he tells me that none of them are doing anything .

DS has been doing some gardening work a couple of mornings a week for a friend but other than that he has barely left the house . Thank goodness we are going on holiday soon to a house with no gadgets and limited broadband reception

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kiwigirl42 · 01/08/2013 16:34

My 13 yr old DS would never leave the house again if we didn't make him at times. He is quite happy playing on his x box and being with us. He has friends he speaks to online and his cousin stays at least once a week.
Not what I was doing at 13 but he is very happy and sociable when he wants to be so we just let him do what he is doing.

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livinginwonderland · 01/08/2013 18:23

I was like that at 14, it's normal, don't worry :)

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CorrieDale · 01/08/2013 18:35

Nor would I. I got real sociable when I went to uni though! And reverted to being a home bird once I hit 30.

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BehindLockNumberNine · 01/08/2013 18:57

Ds will be 14 in two weeks.
He is a real homebird (as are dh and I and always have been although I did get a bit sociable at uni)
Ds has a nice set of friends from school, a girlfriend (apparently) and friends from his hobbies and activities.
He has been off school for a whole week and has not met up with any of them, although his phone is constantly dinging so he must be communicating with them!
He does however do athletics twice a week with his best friend from school and this continuous all though the holidays, so he is socialising then...
He is also talking about meeting up with a friend from primary school who went to a different secondary school.

He is happy and content, so apart from making sure he does his daily chores and joins us at the table for meals I am quite happy leaving him be.
I have said he is to help me creosote the new fencing tomorrow though, will see how that goes...

To be honest, I found being sociable at school hard work and needed the school holidays to be on my own recharging my batteries. I assume ds is the same.