dd aged 15 and I having horrible problems communicating

(10 Posts)
chocoluvva Fri 26-Jul-13 14:44:25

There have been times when I've withheld services such as lifts and explained that I didn't feel like being kind to her at that moment owing to her behaviour. Once I was so fed up of her nonsense that I made her get out of the car as we pulled up to the supermarket - we were there mostly for things that she reckoned she needed - and told her she could get it herself and walk home (a 25 min walk) as I wasn't prepared to be spoken to like that.

Afterwards I explained that she was being unreasonable and unpleasant, especially as I was doing her a favour and she could only expect me to be kindly disposed to her if she was treating me with the respect that she always gets. I swear since then she usually spontaneously says thank you for lifts and other things too.

Don't take it personally, don't argue - we argued most of the time for about 18 months, but do be ready for the times she does want to speak and really listen. Then nod and smile even if she's talking nonsense.

chocoluvva Fri 26-Jul-13 14:31:51

IME 15 is the very worst stage.

At 16 there are glimmers of maturity.

mrsjay Thu 25-Jul-13 19:28:18

Dd and I communicate better by texting each other! Very sad, but it's effective and hopefully, short term!

this is what i used to do with dd1 was much better for us she was really grumpy all the time, and she used to say you are not wearing THAT are you untill i said one day in the teen section of new look oh thats nice i might get it , it is just like yours grin

seriously though we can do no right for doing wrong sometimes, and i just used to say well I dont speak to you like that so why are you doing it to me, would shut her up for a while, I also used to shout OH I LOVE YOU TOO, dd2 is now 15 and we are starting to clash slightly but she is a bit better natured than her sister was we can communicate better, try and not be too upset and dont battle with her you are the grown up always remember that,

FernieB Wed 24-Jul-13 16:54:53

My Nan told me years ago that 'a mothers's place is in the wrong'. She was right. I have come to accept that I am always wrong and know nothing about anything. I am looking forward to them having daughters grin

Viking1 Wed 24-Jul-13 14:21:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marchart Wed 24-Jul-13 14:14:14

Thank you HeySoulSister and FernieB.

HeySoulSister, my dd rarely responds to my texts (something else we have argued about as I like her to text me when she is out to say she is okay)! FernieB, yes, I am sure dd is looking for a response. I shall try and take a leaf out of your book and do some housework instead of just listening to and answering dd!

FernieB Wed 24-Jul-13 12:52:10

Oh and the can't wait to leave home comment - that is said specifically to try to wind you up. If she's really annoying you then next time she says it ask her for ideas on what you should turn her room into when she leaves wink

FernieB Wed 24-Jul-13 12:49:51

Quite often when they make snide comments they are looking to provoke a response. If you ignore the comment it can surprise them. It's hard but I have a DD who looks for arguments and I find ignoring her jibes works best. I don't always manage it but when she starts I try to distract myself from her usually with housework. You can tell how awkward she's been by how sparkling the house is grin

HeySoulSister Wed 24-Jul-13 12:44:44

Dd and I communicate better by texting each other! Very sad, but it's effective and hopefully, short term!

marchart Wed 24-Jul-13 12:43:06

Dd is 15. She is wonderful. Bright, funny, full of life. Very popular at school with friends and teachers.

But we argue so much. She talks horribly to me. I react straight away. I do not know how to break the cycle. I know that if I reacted differently we would get on better. But I feel that when she is rude to me she needs to be pulled up on it.

I annoy her constantly. She criticises the way I am sitting, what I say, what I cook. Sometimes I walk into the house, and she sneers at me when I greet her. A few days ago I tried an experiment. I came home, said hi, she ignored me, so I left her to it. She didn't speak to me for 3 hours.

She has taken to saying that she can not wait until she leaves home.

This all sounds pathetic but it is really upsetting me.

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