'Mummy I want to be dead' Could you talk to me about your experience?

(3 Posts)
FreshCucumber Tue 16-Jul-13 21:59:40

Already posted that in chat but I am hoping that there are parents further down the line who have been in a similar situation than us.

'Mummy I want to be dead' That's what ds1 has told me several times in the last couples of months.
Not in a desperate way. Just very matter of fact. 'I don't like my life. I wish I was dead'.
At the same time, he still laughs and smiles. Enjoys our days out and run to school in the morning.

I am not aware of any major problems at school apart from the fact he doesn't like his current teacher (but loves the one he will have next year). He has some friends, some of which he will qualify as 'really good friends'.

There has been some issues with his db who probably has AS (Awaiting for a year now for assessment to start with CAMHS). ds2 has been hard work, would go in terrible outbursts of anger when he would hit ds1. But that was a year ago and ds2 has calmed down A LOT since then. No more hitting when he is angry. He just storms off to his bedroom. But ds1 feels he still needs to do whatever ds2 wants to avoid the outbursts.

I am at loss as to what to do and how serious it is. Of course it is the sign that something isn't right but what? I could go and see my (lovely) GP but he would refer me to CAMHS and my experience with them doesn't feel me with confidence.
And I am not sure if putting the spotlight on ds1 is the right thing to do. I am pretty sure he would say he is fine to anyone HCP and then would stop talking to me about any of his feelings, which is the quite the opposite of what I would like to achieve.

ds1 will be 10yo in september.

Anyone on here with some experience of an anxious/depressed child? Or with a child saying that sort of thing? Did it hide something really terrible?

sicily1921 Sun 21-Jul-13 20:13:41

Hi Cucumber, have you asked him why he says it. If he says nothing or ' I don't now' you can then gently go into the main topics of school, family, friends, etc. It might be worth speaking to school just to see their opinion of how he is generally there. Could it just be a plain old 'attention grabber', I'm not sure what your abbreviations are sorry, re your DS2 but if he has been hard work then perhaps he just feels devoid of some attention? Do you think he is anxious and depressed, I would have though a child this age would show it in another way rather than just a matter of fact comment but i'm no expert.
there'll be other people on here with more knowledge I'm sure.

I remember my DB saying dramatic things at a similar age which didn't amount to anything. Hope you find some help.

FreshCucumber Sun 21-Jul-13 20:56:02

AS is for Asperger Syndrome so somewhere on the autistic spectrum. That meant ds2 had some regular outbursts of anger, moving from playing happily to screaming and hitting ds1 within a couple of minutes. Everyone was walking en eggshell around ds2 tbh. But ds2 has thankfully calmed down a lot, esp in the last few months.

However, ds1 has still some major problems with ds2. Mainly that he doesn't know how to communicate with ds2 as he is very worried ds2 will just snap off. Plus ds2 is completely blind to any 'social clues' whereas ds1 acutely aware of them which impedes communication again. In effect, ds1 sees ds2 behaviour as non caring when ds2 is completely oblivious to any social signs that would tell that either ds1 is showing care towards him or that he cares about his db iyswim.

I have been wondering if ds1 isn't just overdramatic but then he is also very distressed at his brother behaviour so maybe not so much.

It is nice to hear that a child saying that sort of things isn't always the sign of the worst to come.

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