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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Need advice and help re 13 year old daughter please!

80 replies

fiveaday · 27/05/2006 15:08

I have a lovely daughter who is 13, she is a bright happy girl with lots of friends and a healthy social life. Recently she started going out with a 15 year old boy. He is shy but very polite and friendly. He came to spend the evening watching dvds last night, we have always made her friends welcome in our home as we could not bear her to be one of those children who wanders the streets and hangs outside chip shops!

Well it got later and later and she asked if he could stay the night in the spare room, we said yes and phoned to let his parents know. Everyone went to bed and when I got up today they were both in the same bed!!! I was too shocked to say anything but once he had gone I sat her down and told her I was shocked and thought it was totally wrong. She looked at me as if I was a monster and got upset saying that I was awful to suggest that anything had gone on.She said "god mum, I'm only 13, I hven't even kissed him!" She said she woke up early and went in to talk to him and they both fell asleep again. I do trust her and know that she is in no way ready to even contemplate anything but it still seems wrong to me that they were in bed together. I'm actually really upset and she has said sorry but still doesn't seem to see why it is wrong.
Please let me know if you have been thruogh a similar situation....have I over reacted?

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Twiglett · 27/05/2006 15:11

oh she is so manipulating you

don't care if she's honest and truthful and genuinely upset .. its out of order

lay down the house rules "I trust you but you may not share a bed" .. that is the end of it

sallystrawberry · 27/05/2006 15:11

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sallystrawberry · 27/05/2006 15:13

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nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:18

She is lying to you as so many teenagers do. It doesnt make her bad just pretty normal.

You need to lay the rules down as twiglett said.

PinkTulips · 27/05/2006 15:19

unbelievable as it may seem she's probably telling the truth, most 13 year old girls (well brought up ones anyway like your daughter sounds) wouldnt dream of doing anything that close to their parents.

things have changed in recent years and young people are generally alot more and cuddly than in years gone by (just look at BB). it might seem strange to you but it's natural these days for boys and girls to be quite close and intimate without there necessarily being anything naughty going on.

just make it a house rule that if he comes over any bedhopping is unacceptable but don't make too huge a deal of it

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:20

well brought up girls wouldnt dream of doing anything like that!! had to laugh a bit there. Of course they would. They're full of hormones and peer pressure etc.

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:21

I'm not saying they had sex btw but I think it's naive to think they were simply talking.

Twiglett · 27/05/2006 15:21

oh PinkTulips

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:23

oh the lies I used to tell my parents. My mum thought I was such a lovely angel...

sallystrawberry · 27/05/2006 15:23

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nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:24

not to mention a hormonal ridden 15 year old lad.

sallystrawberry · 27/05/2006 15:28

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PinkTulips · 27/05/2006 15:29

well i was a well brought up girl [angel emoticon] and at 13 the though of even kissing a boy in my parents house would have made me physically ill..... at 15 however might have been a differant story!

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:32

You are pretty unusual for a typical teenager today.

Twiglett · 27/05/2006 15:33

you are pretty unusual for a typical teenager from 25 years ago too if you ask me

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:34

very true, twiglett!

PinkTulips · 27/05/2006 15:38

not really, am only 22 and no-one i knew was any differant at 13. a few years on some of us were getting up to some very dodgy things but that said 3 of my closest friends were virgins til 18+. not all teens are like the knackers we read about in the tabloids and see on tv

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:39

No one is saying they were having sex but most teenagers lie to their parents and an awful lot are snogging!

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:40

This country has one of the highest teenage pregnancies rates in a country like it....

Blandmum · 27/05/2006 15:41

She is taking the piss. 'I went to his room in the morning and fell aslepp' Yes, right and pigs fly and we all shoot for bacon! You have not over reacted. To be blunt, sex with a 13 year old is rape.

You need to set some ground rules that you and her father are happy with

PinkTulips · 27/05/2006 15:41

not much harm in kissing is there?

like i said, personally i'd just make a few groundrules for future use ie; no bedsharing, no being in rooms with closed doors at any time etc and leave it at that rather than causing a huge fight about it.

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:43

but your point was that nothing was going on and actually I would object to my 13 year old in bed with a 15 year old and kissing.

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foxinsocks · 27/05/2006 15:46

what I find strange is the bit where you say she 'doesn't seem to see why it is wrong'. If this is really the case, then perhaps she needs a birds and the bees type lesson!

Perhaps they were doing nothing but that's hardly the point. I'm not sure (at age 13) that we even had boys to stay over (I can only imagine the temptation!) so perhaps it is better to tell her that either no boys will stay over or next time, if he does, no bed hopping or it will be the last time he is allowed to stay (and vice versa if she goes there).

nothercules · 27/05/2006 15:47

At 13 she would already have had detailed sre lessons at school so will know why it is wrong.

sallystrawberry · 27/05/2006 15:49

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