My practically 16year old son hits me

[Vonnielaaa]

I am a single parent with just one son who will be 16 in jus few weeks,
He has always been a very wound up little boy but now I feel as if he is out of control in regards the way he talks n treats me, he punches kicks me just half hour ago he through bottle of drink full force at my leg, he fronts me jus a living nightmare, he has been to councillor which he then refused to go to, I av even rang police on him where they take to stay in his nans for the night, but this doesn't sort anything n he's bac nex day were am on edge case he kicks of, I really don't no where to turn, right now I feel as if I got go on living with him, I av no support from family n friends,, plz any suggestions

[QueenOfCats]

God, how awful for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

No advice I'm afraid - I only have a 14yo dd, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some good suggestions

[Minifingers]

Sorry for you OP. your son is domestically abusing you and it needs to stop. For your sake and for his as he is brutalising himself as well as you. I called the police too when my 13 year old hit me. Twice. The told her and me that if it happened a third time they would take her to the police station for the day. Calling the police also triggered a social services referral, which was good. If I was in your shoes I would wait until he is calm and then sit him down and explain that you will not tolerate physical violence and that very time he assaults you, you will phone the police. If you can have a family friend or someone he respects to sit with you both while you tell him this it will help, as he is less likely to walk away or become aggressive.

[flow4]

Hi vonnie, I missed this thread last week. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. It happened to me too. It's more common than you think - IME, people don't talk about it, but I found that when I (carefully) started mentioning it to friends with older teens, a few of them had also experienced similar violence. :(

It's devastating and so difficult to deal with, because you can't help feeling that it must somehow be your fault that your own child is abusing you, and you remain responsible for him. It's different from domestic violence from a partner, because you can't leave your own child. There's also no support out there - I tried to get some from women's aid and a local charity, and they just did not know what to say or do.

You have a right to feel safe and be safe. Obviously, you can't control your son at this age - he'll be bigger and stronger than you, and less inhibited. He needs to learn to control himself. But in the meantime, if he can't, you have to call the police to control him and keep you safe.

To do this, you have to draw a line in your head. You have to say to your son - and mean it - "I am not putting up with any more violence.
It stops now. If you hurt me or threaten me again, I will call the police". Then you have to do it.

You probably won't have to do it very often, but if you have already called them a couple of times then there won't be so much 'shock value', and you might have to actually have him arrested, rather than just taken to his gran's.

IME, the police are pretty good in situations like this. I think they see a lot of it. I called them 3 times, and the first two, they just gave him a talking-to, and then went away because I didn't want any further action. The third time, I asked for him to be arrested. We had a truly awful week because he ran away and hid for a couple of days, but then they found him and he was arrested and received a 'final warning' for assault and criminal damage.

He was never violent towards me again.

It took a few more months for him to deal with his anger towards me. He kept saying things like "I can't believe you got me arrested, you bitch" and I had to say (as calmly as possible) "No, you got yourself arrested because you were violent. And if you are violent again, you will be arrested again". I also put up with him breaking things for a few more months, while he learned to control his temper properly.

The good news is, teens do seem to grow out of this terrible behaviour, if they are challenged. My son hasn't been violent for a very long time now - well over a year. :)

[flow4]

It's also worth considering whether your DS is taking drugs. IME, skunk and m-cat (a type of cannabis and mephedrone) make teenagers aggressive, angry, and likely to lose control. I learned to be wary when I knew or suspected my DS had taken them, and although I couldn't stop him, I did point out to him when I thought they were making him aggressive, until he recognised the pattern himself, and cut down/stopped taking them.

There will be other signs - funny smells, truancy and stealing from you for instance - if he is misusing drugs. But that's a whole other conversation...

Come and join the 'Maryz troubled teens' thread (sorry I can't link from my phone, but you should find it easily in the topic list) - there's lots of support and advice there from parents who've had similar problems... You won't feel so alone.

[Ghostsgowoooh]

I second what flow4 said in both her posts.

EVerytime he is violent towards you ring the police. The police are usually great in this sort of situation and you do have a right to be safe in your own home. Would you put up with it if it was a dp or another adult hitting you or throwing things at you.

. I've been through it with 13 year old ds who is taller and stronget thsn me. Calling the police was one of the best things I could have done as it reinforced the message I was trying to give him ehich was I would no longer tolerate any form of violence towards me or anyone else in the home.

He is much better now thank god. I still have other issues with him but the aggression and violent behaviour has stopped.

[Ghostsgowoooh]

Excuse the typos lol

[Alexia12]

Don't know if you've considered asking your GP for a CAMHS (childrens mental health) referral they can offer advice and anger management groups etc. In the mean time you have the right to be safe in your own home and if that means calling the police to remove your ds then keep calling them. Hope your situation improves