DS1 left school yesterday. A grammar school to be precise where he was in top sets for the first few years. Then began a steady decline and a lack of interest in most subjects. He did so badly in 2 of his AS subjects that he wasn't allowed to continue them to A2. So he's currently doing 2 A2s and another AS. His exams aren't going particularly well. He says he revises but he certainly doesn't appear to me to do much (nowhere near as much as his brother who is doing GCSEs). He isn't going to get enough points for Uni - doesn't want to go anyway. Nor do I want to fund further education for such a disengaged young man.
The question is, what to do next. He has made no effort to look at courses, apply for jobs or anything. Do I continue to sit on my hands and say, "over to you son, you're the adult". Or do I take him by the scruff and march him off to the job centre etc?
Trouble is, he has a nice bedroom, is allowed to have his girlfriend stay over and has a couple of grand in the bank (another story - courtesy of a ridiculously misguided grandma). So no real motivation to do anything at the moment. He won't engage in discussions with me about what he might do so I'm at a complete loss as to how to motivate him. His girlfriend is on course for straight As and uni and his brother is shaping up to get an excellent set of GCSEs so it's not as if he's surrounded by other unmotivated teenagers.
Any advice anyone?!
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
Totally unmotivated 18 year old
longingforsomesleep · 25/05/2013 18:56
This is quite common, I think. I'm just coming out of a truly awful 2-3 years with my own DS1, who disengaged almost completely.
IMO, it happens if/when schools offer nothing that engages and enthuses young people. It seems to me to be a particular problem for creative, bright kids who learn best through doing rather than sitting still and listening. They get used to being bored and they are expected to tolerate it rather than do something about it. So they are effectively taught to disengage and be passive, and they come to believe that learning is boring and not for them.
I think bright kids are particularly confused by this, because on the one hand they know they're bright, but on the other hand they just can't sit still, listen and be satisfied with all that boring drivel their school experience... and they know they're disappointing people too. It's v bad for their self-confidence.
IME, they need to find something that inspires them or 'hooks' their attention. It doesn't matter what that is - anything that engages them is good. They can then un-learn the habits of switching off and tolerating boredom and doing nothing... And once they've re-learned how to be interested and engaged, they regain their motivation to achieve. :)
In our case, cutting off DS's money went hand-in-hand with further problems (incl. drug use and theft). It's impossible to say which came first, but money or lack of it was no part of the solution. Threatening to throw him out, and meaning it, got him back into college - which was definitely preferable to having him sitting around on the dole. But what finally changed things was when he got a place on a course he had actually chosen, doing something he liked - and it was (is) a BTEC - so he's learning practical skills and taking on real projects. This time last year he had narrowly avoided getting thrown out of a level 1 course and was planning a life on the dole. This year, he is doing well on a level 3 course, talking about uni, and has taken on a volunteer role putting his course skills into practice and getting relevant work experience for an extra 10-15 hours per week. :)
I'm getting a bit waffly, so I'll stop! 
The headlines are...
Help him find something he WANTS to do, and
There IS hope!
If he's in F/T education, CB will carry on until the end of the educational year in which he turns 19. But as you say, he has nothing planned. Under those circumstances, I think I would be inclined to let him know now that you expect him to get a job, enroll for a course or sign on within a fortnight of his last exam, and that you will be charging him £35/wk if he isn't in full-time education.
He will need to apply for a certain number of jobs per week (I think it's 5) and register with the new government online job application website to do it. Those applications don't have to reach any kind of 'quality' threshold.
If he gets some p/t work (as a sports coach or anything else) he'll lose most of his JSA - it's stopped pound-for-pound apart from the first £5. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.