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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Would you be ok with your 16 yo son seeing a 19yo girl?

41 replies

caseycartwright · 24/05/2013 17:01

DS has started going out with his first girlfriend. He's only just turned 16 and in Year 11. She's just finishing her first year at Uni. The thing is I'm a bit worried about it all. It's not in a PFB way. I've been quite prepared for him to get a girlfriend for a while.

It's just it seems a bit weird to me that a very likeable, pretty Undergraduate would want to go out with a kid who hasn't even finished taking his GCSEs. He's very mature for his age in a lot of ways, but definitely not in relationships and I worry that he's a bit vulnerable.

Also, I feel a bit of a hypocrite as there is the same age difference between DH and I, but he was 19 when we met, so that seems more ok.

Anyway, I just wondered what your thoughts would be. Am I just overthinking this? It could all blow over by next week, although, under the circumstances, that's probably not the best term I could use!!

OP posts:

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bigTillyMint · 24/05/2013 17:03

Sounds a bit odd (despite me being 4 1/2yrs older than DH!) but is he very grown up for 16 and perhaps she less so for 19?

bigTillyMint · 24/05/2013 17:04

I mean, does he look a lot older? Tall? Good looking?

lljkk · 24/05/2013 17:06

Would be fine by me, if she's nice have her round loads.
I assume you've done the safe sex talk?

daisydoodoo · 24/05/2013 17:07

It does seem a bit odd. If it was the other way round id be concerned too.

I think once past 18 then age differences are not so much of an issue but three years between a 16 yr old is too much. Eg I would not allow my 16yr old (well almost 16 in july) to date a 13 yr old girl.

chocoluvva · 24/05/2013 17:12

It does seem a little bit odd IMO.

However there seem to be more instances of older teenage girls having younger boyfriends than 'back in my day'. DD has a male friend aged 16.5 who went out with a girl who was 18 and there are a couple of girls who have BF's in the year below them.

Don't let him know that you have any concerns though. It probably won't last very long.

I'd definitely second llijks advice to make her feel welcome at yours.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 24/05/2013 17:13

It wouldn't really bother me, but I do think it will fizzle out fairly fast when the reality of her being able to go out to pubs and clubs and him not being able to kicks in.

caseycartwright · 24/05/2013 17:16

He's good looking, in a blonde floppy hair kind of way and is quite worldly for a 16 yo by virtue of living in a few different countries. But he's still very 16-ish. His main hobbies are PS3 and playing his guitar in his room with the blinds closed!

We have had the safe sex talk too many times for his liking!!

OP posts:

fufflebum · 24/05/2013 17:26

Would it be ok for your 16 year old daughter to go with a 19 year old boy?

Just a thought!

Bonsoir · 24/05/2013 17:27

You've modelled that relationship for your DS...

ihearsounds · 24/05/2013 17:29

What is weird about it?

caseycartwright · 24/05/2013 17:31

Well, my daughter's only 10 and isn't allowed to date until she's 30, according to her Dad. Mind you, this is the same Dad who told me not to worry, DS was just living every 16 year old boy's dream!!

In reality, I would probably be even more concerned if it was the other way round. But, at 16, I don't really feel I'm in a position to say no.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 24/05/2013 17:34

Bonsoir, there's a big difference between 44 and 48 -v- 16 and 19! I don't think my DC see the age difference between DH and I - infact he looks older

BusStopWanker · 24/05/2013 17:41

I was 16 when I met DH, he was 20. Don't see the problem when they're over the age of consent and the age gap isn't huge TBH.

caseycartwright · 24/05/2013 17:46

I guess I just struggle with the idea of a popular and pretty 19 year old having to swing by the school gates to pick up her boyfriend because he can't learn to drive for another year.

As it is, DS would never know I'm a bit freaked. I don't interfere in his (previously non existant) love life. Other than pasting it all over MN, that is!!

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 24/05/2013 18:13

I'd be inclined to think the novelty of him won't outweigh the disadvantages of him being under the legal age for drinking in pubs,clubs, driving etc for very long...... Perhaps she's recently out of an intense relationship and doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment?

I'd feel the same as you.

Your DS must be very cool though.

lljkk · 25/05/2013 07:19

He's probably sweet, eager-to-please, malleable & relatively undemanding. More than makes up for a bit of immaturity.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 25/05/2013 07:24

When I was 18-19 I was madly totally head over heels in love with a 16 yr old.

Now that I'm 47 and he's 45, and with a builder's arse and hardly any hair it doesn't seem weird at all.

But at the time, though none of my friends/family thought it odd, he did have the p ripped out of him by his.

(oh, and no way was he sweet, eager to please, or any of those other puppy dog words. He was a baaaaafd baaaaad boy and I luffed him)

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 25/05/2013 07:26

( I do agree though, that at that age the age difference is somehow bigger than it is now)

It just makes me smile really, that at the time there was a hooooge difference, and now dp is actually 4 yrs younger than me.

Always liked a toyboy me.

bigTillyMint · 25/05/2013 07:44

Awww, that's lovely birds

livinginwonderland · 25/05/2013 17:24

I think it won't last, but I would be okay with it. The age gap is pretty significant - she can drink, drive and live away from home, but he still lives at home and can't do those things. I think the novelty will wear off pretty quickly!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 17:29

I would not be happy at all. There are so many differences in what 16mo and 19gps can and can't do that I'd be hugely suspicious of the order one.

Not that you can do much about it at 16mo unfortunately!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 17:30

Bloody autocorrect. 16yo and 19yo.
Older.
16yo

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YoniBottsBumgina · 25/05/2013 17:38

I would probably be less worried this way than the other way around TBH. But either way it doesn't seem that concerning to me. How did they meet? If it was at work or something like that then it can feel very much equal ground and like age doesn't matter.

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 25/05/2013 18:30

I think its weird. My rational mind says its just 3 years but as a previous poster said there is ao much difference in where they are in life. The 16 yo is still a child but at 19 Hia gf is an adult.

CouthyMow · 26/05/2013 11:26

At 17, I was living with a 23yo. However - at that point, I had a DC from a previous relationship, and I was actually the more experienced and mature one!

My 23yo partner was a virgin when we met. We ended up in a relationship on and off for 14 years...

We are now separated, but we have two wonderful DC's together.

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