Hi again Hilary. Sorry, hope it didn't sound like I was saying you are not currently causing the shots generally. I'm sure you're doing a great job.
But my eyes have recently been opened wide to the significant dangers inherent in allowing some kids this age too long a leash- my just turned 14 year old son is very, very, very lucky not to have a police caution or even a criminal record after being caught grafittiing and smoking weed with a couple of mates. I had no idea. Thought he might have tried cigarettes possibly ( though hoped not!) but otherwise, despite knowing that he is quite silly at times and susceptible to doing things in order to impress his friends, was utterly oblivious to his activities or, crucially, that this kind of thing started so early among his peer group, most of whom are quite well-off and "middle class". This all happened while he was supposedly at a friend's house and again I had, somewhat naively, assumed that the friend's parents were providing some sort of supervision... I could not have been more wrong; they did not even appear to pick up their son when the police called them, leaving me and the other boy's mum to bail him out.
It just brought home to me that young people this age will sometimes get up to quite serious mischief if they are out of parental sight for too long. I have become far, far more strict and I would never ever agree to two nights and days out on the trot without being absolutely clear that they were either staying in (with parents keeping some sort of eye) or that if they were going out it was somewhere specific and safe with a reasonable curfew and, importantly, that they weren't just hanging about in the local area. Even then I would not allow it every weekend as I would miss them too much! I am becoming so aware that they will probably be off quite soon- only 4 more years till uni or work will beckon, if they don't end up in young offenders institutions or off their minds on drugs first! I know I cannot do this forever but the longer I can enjoy their company and delay them getting into trouble by giving them too much freedom to possibly experiment in stupid ways that could affect the rest of their lives, the better, imo. Initially my boy kicked against it but over time I think it has become clear that he actually appreciates the boundaries to some extent. Despite the stupidity described above, he hasn't actually reached the "Fuck you, mum and dad, I will do what I want" stage, thankfully.