DD is 15, almost 16. she is (mostly) lovely. does well at school. doesnt go out. keeps her room clean and tidy. gets up at 6am for school every morning, works hard while there, has achieved good grades, she is organised, disciplined and methodical. She has a boyfriend of over a year who is nice, she is nice. mature. sensible.
so its come as a bit of a shock lately that she has been a bit "kevin the teenager" with me.
being disrespectful. back chatting. loves her dad. hates me. the usual teen stuff i guess.
She recently decided to alter course on further education and switch from A level to BTEC.
which is truly fine by me - but she opted for a complete surprise of a course - health and social care.
its a good course - can lead to good things. im happy with that - but if i so much as utter one word about it, (such as asking if she has told college that she is switching course...) she goes off on one with me. I wanted to know what had led her to choose that particular course, but she was defensive and horrible when i asked. She seems to think that im judging her - im not - i think she is sensible and i dont really think she would have coped with A levels - she hates exams and gets really stressed....
she had asked if she could have her navel pierced for passing her maths GCSE - she really struggled with maths and her confidence was terrible. We got her a tutor, and she went, willingly, every week. it paid off and she passed.
i said she could have her navel pierced and booked it for her.
Last night she spoke to me like shite...we argued. she snaps my head off for no reason. i said "carry on" and she said in best kevin the tennager stylee "or what? youll ground me?" (she never goes out) so i said "no - i wont take you for this piercing"
"go on then" she replied.
"fine" i said.
so tonight she is being pleasantly human. I told her i was going riding on Friday....she asks about piercing. I say i told you - its not happening.
She then gets upset, and ends up spilling all this teenage angst on me, sobbing, she tells me that she fell out with her group of friends who then egged my house and car, that she has been outcast at school and hates it, that people are shouting things at her in the street, about her looks, her weight, (she is 5ft 7 and weighs 7st 10.....she is very attractive but disarmingly doesnt know it and is quite insecure, i noticed she had lost weight recently....) she is stressed, she is dyslexic and doesnt cope with exams well, hates for her dyslexia to single her out and gets mad that she gets extra time and a seperate room etc - god forbid anything that makes her different....she (rightly) tells me that all her friends are going out everynight drinking, smoking, that she does none of that, that her brother got away with murder and that she feels that even though she is a model child its not good enough if i punish her for something she felt she couldnt help - she says she doesnt know why she snaps at me, she just does. She says she likes to deal with things on her own and doesnt like to talk to me or for me to interfere which is why she doesnt tell me things,
she clung to me and sobbed her little heart out.
and now i feel awful. She went and had a bath and came back down much calmer, normally she doesnt come anywhere near me for hugs etc but she laid down on the couch with me and had a cuddle....she was exhausted. She said she was sorry. I said i have feelings too, and she said she is just feeling very confused, hates school, feels judged, tries her best and could be doing all manner of terrible things but doesnt, always tells me where she is going if she does go out....feels she has no one, etc etc.
so. the dilemma is do i take her for this flaming piercing now or not?
part of me didnt realise how much adolescent angst she was going through - she seems in genuine turmoil. with school. her friends. her self esteem. This is the first time she has let her guard down and opened up to me in a long time.
part of me feels that if i dont stick to what i said ive lost all credibility. but she just isnt likely to play on it - she really isnt usually a pita at all.
do i just tell her we should both start again and wipe the slate clean but that i wont tolerate being spoken to like rubbish and that if she does it again i will dock her pocket money or something? or should i steadfastly stick to what i said?
could do with opinions please.
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Teenagers
do i cave? she has a point....
41 replies
ThatVikRinA22 · 28/03/2013 00:18
OP posts:
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