I've told my 15 year old son to live with his dad

[ScapeGoat]

Hi,

My husband left us days before Christmas 2010. Since, our son has been very angry and taken it out on me - as they do. He has been verbally abusive to me and physically violent (each time I called the police). He got permanently excluded from school for hitting a teacher and attends a PRU. I've tried to be consistent with boundaries but all the time being undermined by my point scoring ex.

Ex thinks I was totally unreasonable for phoning the police on my own son and constantly defends his behaviour. I have reached the end of my tether. No longer can I tolerated being called a 'dumb bitch' and 'cnt' etc by my son. On Friday ex paid for him and his sister (who is 18 and lives with ex as apparently I am the cause of her mental ill health) to go out for the day when he should have been at his education. They did this behind my back and when I found out (collecting my son in the evening) he told me they had kept is a secret because I would have been 'a bitch' about it ie not let him go. When I phoned ex he told me it was none of my business what he does regarding the kids.

Earlier everything was calm at home so I tried to talk to my son about his swearing at me/lack of basic respect. He exploded in anger and reeled out the usual insults about how 'mad' I am/how I need 'help' how controlling I am and I should 'fuck off' etc etc. He accused me of 'always getting at him' etc. he won't accept any responsibility and defensively blames me for everything then gets support fom his dad.

Please tell me, have I done the right thing? How much should I tolerate?

Thankyou

[CognitiveOverload]

Have you told your gp about your sons behaviour? Maybe you could get some support from cahms?

[expatinscotland]

YANBU

[mcmooncup]

Was your ex abusive / manipulative?

[ScapeGoat]

Thanks for your replies.

We've been through all the possible sourses of support including CAMHS and social services. He won't engage and refuses to accept he needs support. he is no longer physically violent.

His father wasn't abusive but can't see beyond the next five minutes. The anger management bloke said ex was point scoring. He had an affair and left me but I'm guessing getting the children on his side minimises responsibility he has to take for ending the marriage/our son's anger etc