Hi All
I have come here looking for support, help & advice.
My 19 yr old DD is intelligent, quiet, has a tendency to over think things, and over reacts [especially with us. maybe not with friends] she suffers from social anxiety and finds making friends hard. She's not into partying or drinking.
She is the first to fly the nest and is away at Uni [10 hr round trip]. We did worry how she would cope socially etc. and although on the face of things, she appears to have settled, made some friends [though doesn't socialise with flatmates, complete opposite to her, drink, partying etc] she's even got her first boyfriend, [did have an online bf in the states, who came to visit].
SO on the face of things she seems to be coping BUT she thinks growing up and becoming independent means she doesn't have to communicate with us. We're lucky if we get a reply to a text, if she'll stick to the once a week SKYPE chat or talk type on facebook. However on her Tumblr account [she doesn't know I know she has one] she treats it like a diary and there are times where she posts dark, depressing, negative thoughts such as
"Sometimes I feel like i should apologise to everybody everywhere for being such a useless waste of space" or anxieties about her taking 14 hrs to pluck up the courage to go into the shared kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. Or how she feels bad thinking her flatmates hate her because she doesn't socialise/speak with them, BUT then she's being judgemental on them for thinking this.
These negative thoughts seem to crop up more at the weekend, when she is less occupied and her bf is working. I've tried sending her cheery postcards timed to arrive for the weekend to let her know we are thinking about her. BUT she can't be bothered to pick up her post so may get 2 or 3 in one go when she eventually goes, if I suggest she collects post she gets hostile. IF I try to contact at times when I know she is down, she shuns all forms of contact, doesn't reply to text's, blocks me online on FB and SKYPE and if we try to ring her mobile she switches it off. It leaves us feeling helpless and worried, knowing she is suffering, having dark thoughts and claims us telling her we are worried about her is emotional blackmail. Sometimes she ends up posting tirades of nasty over exaggerated comments on her Tumblr account. We just can not get through to her, if I suggest she may have depression [I suffered from this in my teens and get mild bouts now] she flies off the handle. She suffers from poor sleep, due to anxiety issues, bad dreams often has bouts of bad stomach ache, poor diet [can't be bothered to cook and eat often] I have seen she can go 1-2 days without eating and when she does it is often junk.
Just had another run in with her she has switched her phone off, several negative comments on her Tumblr account though no direct attacks at me at moment. Just feel so powerless and worried, we can not get through to her at all.
HELP!! What do I do, sit back and don't bother contacting her, ignore all the negative thoughts she writes. I don't think I could live with myself knowing she was hurting and I did nothing to try and reach out and help her. BUT at the same time all this IS hurting me. No birthday card from her despite the fact our birthdays are a few days apart, and despite text reminders from her dad no mothers day card either. She knows what she is doing ignoring me/us is hurting us, yet she continues to do so. BUT knowing this can be a symptom of depression then makes me feel bad too.
I just feel so helpless.
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Is our daughter depressed?
14 replies
Linclass · 09/03/2013 22:16
OP posts:
mindfulmum ·
24/03/2013 14:03
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