Can you voluntarily put child into care?

(30 Posts)
MyAngels Sat 23-Feb-13 13:21:02

What will happen if you try?

The relationship between my SIL and her 14 year old DD has broken down to the level that SIL is happy her DD to go into foster care. My niece does not want to live at home (usual 14 year old stuff) and her mum is not brilliant at discipline (admits to the "anything for a quiet life" school of parenting). SIL is taking her DD to granny's this afternoon and leaving her there with £100 and their social worker's phone number.
Social services appear only to want to help with pointing SIL in the direction of parenting classes at times she can't go to because of work.
I don't have teenagers yet, so don't know what to suggest to help the situation.
Any ideas?
Thanks

lljkk Sat 23-Feb-13 16:53:33

Yes it is possible, OP, but means a lot is taken out of SIL's hands.

Friend asked SS for respite care with her 14yo (tearaway). Was probably the only way forward and best way (at risk behaviours involved), but... the 14yo fed everybody packs of lies, did her best to play off SW with foster parents & rile her parents against all. I don't mean to sound so foul, the 14yo is lovely when she's lovely, I'm quite fond of her. But the teen found herself in a delightful game of manipulating everyone. Parents meant it to only be a few weeks of respite and it turned into many months, maybe years. I'm fuzzy about where she's living now (2 yrs later).

Maryz Sat 23-Feb-13 19:36:03

I would have let ds go into a care home, had they offered because he hated home so much and was determined to destroy us all sad.

However, they offered a choice of adult homeless hostel (populated by adult addicts and the base for a lot of teenage prostitution) or sleeping on the street.

So I managed.

If SS would just work with families of teenagers more it might help.

I am reluctant to condemn any parent who can't cope without knowing a lot more about what they are being expected to cope with.

MyAngels Sun 24-Feb-13 09:21:17

Hi all

Thanks for all the helpful responses. I really appreciate them. I can't reply in detail at the moment - I have my DC to look after (age 5 and 3) and they are a handful (one reason why I couldn't manage to look after a difficult 14 year old as well!)

MyAngels Mon 25-Feb-13 09:49:42

Hi all
I saw SIL yesterday and DN is at granny's although there is no longer talk of SS getting involved, thankfully.
SIL's mental health has never been great and I can see her ability to manage all of this declining (she is also trying to move house - stressful enough). So I will endeavour to give as much emotional support as possible as I can't do much practically (can't go on the parenting course, do her shift at work while she goes etc), but can assure her she is not alone, and also that she needs to try something.
Yes, there has been a lot in the background that I didn't say - SS could help more (I have suggested family therapy before (there are lots of things that this would help with), but don't know how easy it is to get. If its anything like getting any kind of mental health help, I'm not holding my breath.
Thanks all

Maryz Mon 25-Feb-13 10:27:04

Best of luck - I do hope her Granny can help her.

It is tough coping with a teenager at the best of times, but when things go wrong it's quite scary how little help there is.

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