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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Should I let her go?

16 replies

Rachel422 · 03/02/2013 19:20

So, my daughter who has just turned 18 (last month) has been talking, for the past year, that her and 4 friends all want to go on a holiday to Greece to celebrate the end of their A-Levels. Fast forward a year and they are starting to plan it out for August. My daughters adamant she's going and I know I can't stop her because she's officially and adult but I'm terrified something will happen. She still lives with at home with me and her sister, so I feel I would still have some control there. I just worry in case something happens or she'll be irresponsible and there's no one there to do anything. I need advice quickly because they're booking it this week.
What should I do?? Should I let her go? And if so any advice on how I can cope?
Thanks

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AnyFucker · 03/02/2013 19:22

I would let her go

and then spend the whole time terrified about how she was doing

if you have brought her up to be sensible and know the risks of too much alcohol, drugs and unprotected sex....you have to trust she can have a great time whilst still looking out for herself

BristolJim · 03/02/2013 19:22

Of course you have to let her go. And she'll have a great time. As for coping, it'll be difficult, but you'll get through it.

seeker · 03/02/2013 19:24

Of course.

You will be miserable- but she must go.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 03/02/2013 19:26

She's 18, unless you are funding her trip to Greece I don't see how you can stop her from going.

You will get through because you have to, very shortly she'll be leaving home to go to uni or for work. You've raised her towards this moment. Trust your abilities as a mum have given her the skill she needs, wave her off and wish her well. She'll be home before you know it, browner and slightly wiser for her experiences.

Coconutty · 03/02/2013 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllDirections · 03/02/2013 19:27

Of course you have to let her go, she's an adult. If she's paying for it herself then you have no control over whether she goes or not. If she's expecting you to pay for it then you do have some control over it.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2013 19:27

I wouldn't fund the trip though...she would only be allowed to go if she was paying for it herself. But that is a different thread, I guess.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/02/2013 19:29

If you use the fact she still lives with you to try and control what your adult daughter does she will end up moving out. It will be hard for you but you will have to trust your parenting and support her in this.

Before she goes make sure she has plenty of phone credit and you have all her bank details and contact numbers for the people she is with and her hotel. Hopefully that will put your mind at rest a little.

cory · 03/02/2013 19:30

You don't have to pay for it, but you can't stop her going.

exoticfruits · 03/02/2013 19:39

You have no choice at all-as other have said -unless you are paying then you can't stop it.
I always tell over protective parents of younger children that once they are 18 they can walk out of the door and go to Peru so it makes sense to start giving them independence and responsibility a decade earlier (in age appropriate ways).
If you use emotional blackmail to get her to stay at home it will have a damaging effect on your future relationship.
Smile and wave her off and keep your feelings firmly to yourself. (having taken MissyMoos practical advice)

exoticfruits · 03/02/2013 19:41

There is nothing more irritating than an over protective mother-mine was still trying to protect me at 32 yrs!

MortifiedAdams · 03/02/2013 19:42

Cut the cord, OP. Your dd could be a married mother of two if she wants.

NorksAreMessy · 03/02/2013 19:54

Roots and wings, rachel roots and wings

What are you worrying about happening?

webwiz · 03/02/2013 21:13

DD2 went on a holiday to Crete after A levels with 4 friends. They had a great time and nothing terrible happened other than they fell out massively with one of the girls who kept going off with random boys.

What exactly are you worried about OP? Can you talk it through with your DD? I did have discussions with DD2 before she went about staying together on nights out and looking out for each other.

specialsubject · 04/02/2013 10:05

if she can pay for it, fine. Make sure she knows about safe sex and being careful about drink spiking, and that her insurance will not cover her if she is drunk, or on a moped even if she is sober. These are the big issues and any 18 year old with a brain should understand.

oh, and that she knows how hot it will be - can't bear people who go to Greece in August and then whine about the heat!

TheFallenNinja · 04/02/2013 10:11

I think this is probably a situation where you have to back yourself. You taught her right from wrong so believe that you did a good job and that she knows that and will now use the judgement you taught her along with her own.

Engage with her excitement, the more you do, the more she will tell you, believe that she will have a great time and tell her that's what you want her to have. Complain relentlessly when she gets back if she doesn't send a postcard.

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