Why do our teens 'hurt' our feelings?

[smileyforest]

My 14.5 son said he prefers it at his Dads as he has a Japanese GF....and he prefers everything Japanese (((((:

[brighternow]

Because the bit of their brain which shows empathy goes missing for a few years !

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

So that when they naturally fly the nest we're glad to see the back of them. It's all part of acquiring independence.

[LynetteScavo]

They don't do it on purpose, they just don't think.

My friends 14 yo DD's FB status' make me want to weep for my friend. I won't go into them here, but honestly her DD seems to think the world of her Dad who us adults know is a complete and utter dick.

[BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems]

Thanks for starting this thread. I have a teenager.
I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
I remember being a bitch for no reason when I was one and saying nasty things to my kind, loving parents now I have mine saying the same kind of things to me :(

[Cybbo]

Because they know they can be vile to you and you won't deck them! Half the time they forget what they've said, even why you're still reeling from it

It's like toddlers saying 'I hate you Mummy'

[theredhen]

It's not nice is it?

It's comforting for me to read that some teens are turning against the mother and putting their useless fathers on a pedestal, this is what I'm struggling with right now too.

[Ineedmorepatience]

I just wanted to put the otherside to this problem, I have experienced this from both sides.

I believe it is all about unconditional love.

As a young person living with one parent and visiting the other I used to hero worship my Dad who is actually a crap parent. He never said no to me, bought me treats and seemed pretty much perfect.

Mum on the other hand was always there, she was the solid person in our lives but obviously she made us do chores and told us off from time to time oh and of course she regularly said no.

However she was reliable and didnt mess us about and guess what, no matter what we said or did she still loved us and continued to be the same parent she had always been.

I am not saying my relationship is perfect with her but guess which parent I am still in contact with.

Please try not to take it to heart, they are in a difficult situation too, always trying to balance 2 lives is tough.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

Yet again, OldLady, you speak much sense.
It is also why an adult response to immature and rude behaviour tends to work better than getting into a mutual strop.
They really don't think, and, OP, Japanese stuff is very cool to a huge number of teens. Which is an explanation, not an excuse for his comments.

[noteventhebestdrummer]

I recall trying to explain to DS1 why some of his pronouncements were so upsetting to me. He appeared to listen, I got more upset and sniffled at him 'I just want you to be happy!'
He replied 'Yeah well, I don't want to be happy do I'

DS5 at 15 is actually still lovely. Funny kid.

[mrsjay]

ok japanese stuff is very in , in a geeky sort of way what with anime ( is that the word) please dont let your son offend you he doesn't mean it just smile and nod and say you are pleased that he likes his dads girlfriend even if it id through gritted teeth, My dds like japanese art and cartoons . dont be too hurt ,

[smileyforest]

Thankyou!!.....yes I know...must not take it to heart... x

[mrsjay]

Thankyou!!.....yes I know...must not take it to heart..

it is hard and is hurtful try and not be too upset by it, and you are the constant in their life