Just need to talk

[Tillysmum44]

Hi there I'm new to the forum and I'm so glad I've found this. I'm a single parent of two teens a girl aged 16 and a boy aged 13. I'm struggling at the mo,I have a chronic illness called fibromyalgia(constant pain,fatigue,anxiety). In general my kids have been pretty good but I'm feeling so resentful of all the noise and the mood swings. I pick up on everything which is very tiring,hard to explain buti am hypersensitive. For the last year I've had a constant battle with my son and the Xbox. People think its funny but it really isn't. His constant shouting and hollering affects the whole house. I understand its a very social thing for him as he can talk to his mates online and at least I know where he is. But my nerves are shot to pieces. I've limited his time on there to save my sanity but he is constantly pushing the boundaries as he knows I give in fairly easily as arguing stresses me out so much. I'm not a wimp,I think it's just the constant battle. My daughter is also showing a change in personality,she spends all her time in the lounge on her laptop and I feel so excluded from their lives,like I'm not needed anymore,just there to cook and clean their clothes. I expect just about every parent feels like this with teens and I know my two aren't by any means the worst. My problem is my illness,I don't go on about it but they both know I struggle. I am starting to spread my own wings,I've started a counselling course which has been hard but I'm hoping to one day have a career again as I had to give up my old career when I got unwell. I'm also planning to make my dining room into a special room for me so I don't get affected by the noise and by being ignored,I sound like a big kid don't I? But it really affects me and I don't want to get Into a bad relationship with my two. My mum threw me out when I was 18 and I don't want to end up like that,it was awful. I also remember what I was like at that age and it scares me witless. I have no contact with their dad but they do see him every two weekends and they are with him for a week now so I'm enjoying have a rest from being mum. Does anyone get where I'm coming from?

[Ineedpigsinblankets]

Teenage years are very different in terms of parenting, ime. I found it hard the first time I went through it.

Lying on the sofa with eithet the laptop or phone is normal teen behaviour, we dont have an xbox but I know plenty of people whos kids spend loads of time on them.

We have a family meal as often as we can and I dont allow gadgets at the table. It is a good time for talking.

My older ones have had jobs to do such as their own washing to take some of the load off me.

I try to take an interest jn their friends and pass times so that we have things to chat about.

Having said all that mine are not as close together as yours and I am not ill.

Try to enjoy them if you can, they could be flying the nest soon

[mathanxiety]

You are feeling excluded and the way to respond is not to make a cave for yourself out of the dining room but to try to join the children in the things that interest them.

You should really try to get over your sensitivity and sit with your DS when he is on the X box even if it nearly kills you, show an interest in what he plays there and in the friends he plays with. Same for your DD. Find something that the two of you can have a laugh over on the internet even if it's LOLcats. See if the DD likes Pinterest or some other harmless site you could both follow together.

The DCs are going to spread their wings and if you want to stay in their lives you need to move out of your comfort zone and try to keep up with them.

Try to get them to take more of a part in running the household -- giving a bit of reasonable responsibility and praise for a job well done will be a good thing for them.

[happygolucky0]

Hello Tillymum. I understand how you feel. I am a single parent to ds 15, I also have fibromyalgia. It is far from easy.
I work contracted hrs 28 per week but often do overtime. There are some good stuff about going to work. Like I have a good network of people to chat to and they listen to me. My job can be very stressful in itself though, I work with adults with a learning dis and take alot of verbel abuse. I also find the housework tough going at home quite often.
I start to feel resentful towards my ds as he never does anything to help around the home unless asked. He has changed from the xbox situation this past year, as he has got a girlfriend. She hasn't been the best influence on him, that is a long story.
In the past I have given ds time limits on his xbox saying that he needs to do other stuff and that worked ok. ...Sorry just looked and you mentioned that you already done that. Just try and stay strong on the rules. Maybe allow extra time if he can learn to play without shouting.
I know about the battles. It seems like I can't have a conversation with my ds without a battle. I know he is behaving this way towards me as we spent xmas day at my parents and he was the old ds I know.
I don't have the answers I also don't feel like getting into a relationship as ds is a pain in the backside and causes me so much stress that I don't think it is fair to another person at present to put up with it.
You are more than wecolme to pm me anytime if you want someone to chat to.