I'm almost competely losing the plot. DD1 (just 18) extremely difficult - she's been a nightmare in every way for the last 3 years. Each year DH and I were hoping that she would get better. NO, she is almost regressing. I'm exhausted both mentally and physically. DH is the same. It's causing us sleepless nights, arguments, resentment etc. Now DD2 (nearly 13) is becoming a nightmare. She is almost following her sisters's footstep in attitude. She hasn't sworn yet, but can make really horrible insulting remarks. Anyway I got so fed up with her over FB, homework, housework, messy room etc. I lost it with her, I shouted at her, followed her to make her listen, and of course it didn't work. Now I feel not only miserable but really depressed. I can't look at DD1 for different reason (she can kick off any time - walking around the eggshell - I know it's not the right attitude), and I know why DD2 is suddenly rebellious. I don't feel fit to be a parent any more....
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
It's not you teapot, it's them. :)
Their horribleness is really hard to handle - especially when it's relatively new, I think, and you're dealing with the shock of it, as well as the nastiness itself.
Two insights I have found useful (with apologies to anyone who has heard me say this before)...
A friend with a slightly older teenager once said to me that angry teens are like hurricanes: you can't stop them; you just need to survive. When there is a hurricane warning, you don't think "Oh, what can I do to stop or change that hurricane?" 
... You batten down the hatches, climb under the table, protect yourself and your loved ones, and wait for it to pass! Similarly, when your teen turns into a monster, you need to protect yourself emotionally and wait for them to grow up re-gain a bit of control... That sounds a bit cynical, but it has certainly been my experience, and I found it reassuring to have it described like this by another parent who had already been through it.
My other favourite reassuring and useful idea came from this book (The only useful book about parenting teens, IMO!) They suggest that teenagers need to be horrible as part of growing up and separating emotionally from you. If everything stayed lovely at home, they'd never be able to leave... So they instinctively make things unpleasant and 'sabotage', so that they can bring themselves to leave! Makes a lot of sense to me... 
barbarian I loved your repsonse about being pregnant and smoking weed! Made me laugh so much .
DD1 also does the "you should be lucky I'm not" thing in response to any criticism of her behaviour.
Well, I'm not exactly terrible parent either! I must remind her that I could be stoned out of my mind all day, sleeping with a whole ton of people who aren't her father, and spending all the money that currently feeds her costa and subway habit (she needs a job but is only making very tentative efforts ) on fast cars and loose men, should I have a mind to
And, yes, I think they do have to create conflict so they can break away. I remember being horrible, absolutely awful to my mum at 18 for no real reason at all. 
Except that looking back I was off to uni and I think I had to convince myself that I really needed to be 150 miles from home because home was so awful - otherwise I'd never have been brave enough to go. I now get on brilliantly with my mum and am very close, so I have hope when my DDs go through these moments (and with one of 13 and one of nearly 17, there are plenty of moments!)
Much much sympathy.
I have three teenage daughters, and they can be nasty and horrid and judgmental and evil and vile, and just plain rude.
They have days where they reduce me to tears and make me feel like a piece of shit on their shoe.
And then, they have days where they are wonderful, and kind, and funny, and caring, and polite, and sweet, and loving.
I swear they have alien clones!!
I am lucky that DH sticks up for me, even when he thinks I am just as nasty back at them.....I sometimes find I am reduced to their level to actually get the point across, and then feel, god, I am the adult here, and I am behaving like a teenager .
It is particularly unpleasant at 'that' time of the month. We are all horrid, and my poor DH and two younger sons....they must wish us all away.
I look back on their toddlers years and so wish I could go back there, with my current knowledge, and cherish them more. I found it so hard, physically, at that time that I rushed through it aiming for them to hit teens and be 'easy' What a mistake.
But, my mantra then was given to me by the fabulous Mars, 'it is only a phase'
Teenage years are sadly a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG drawn out phase, and one which sees me reaching for wine all too frequently, but I have hope (in those flashes of niceness from them), they they are still the gorgeous small folk that I used to have, and will again.
pyschomum I couldn't agree more with all of your post. I had to check I hasn't already posted on this thread as you posted exactly what I could have posted.
(that's a lot of posted's !)
MyLifeRocks....I think you are me, two years behind.
Three girls then two boys, ages 18 down to 10!!
teaPot5...drgus hit any teens from any walk of life. I don;t think it happens to just angry teens, it can happen to tho who are explorers too, and those just wanting to try something new to satisfy their curiosity.
My mother was a drug addict, as was my father (I was taken from them at 6 mths briefly, premently at 18mths), and they could not have come from better backgrounds.
It was the early 70's tho, and so they were the generation that really had no idea of the impact drugs can have. For my mother, it ruined her life and she has been in mental hospitals since I was 2 on and off, solidly since I was 10. She was one of the unlucky ones who has the genetics that react with drugs and end up with schizophrenia. My one and only silver lining from that is that my own children have met her and see that, should they try them, they are 95% guaranteed to be the same, as their genetics are likely to be the same.
I sometimes wonder tho that the more feisty the teenager, the more they know their own mind, and so hopefully won;t need the mind altering reaction drugs give.
well, I hope.
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