same old same old - bitchy queen bee

[kirigamirose]

13 yo dd is so sad at school . her former bestfriend has made alliances with a bitchy queen b . this girl has decided that dd is not wanted . in this group there is 2 of dds bestfriends from primary they dont want to see her go but are close with queen b - dd is so sad cause it has happened twice before allready . i have a feeling dd just wants to hang around with boys but doesnt know how to do so (neither do i) hellllp

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Didn't want to not respond. Have been there with my dd, and still don't really know the answer.

I guess the best advice would be to try to make new/different friends. School clubs, out of school activities and so on. I know it's easier said than done.

My dd is now in year 10 and I do think in general the girls are starting to mature a bit and be less bitchy. Doesn't help your dd much, I know, but things will get better.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Same here. DD (Y11) only just about started having a nicer time at school last year. I tried to encourage her to find other friends, but she couldn't/wouldn't. She does fall out with lots of people, at home and at school, because she won't compromise. She is much happier now, though, even though she does take every little thing that people say to heart. I think it's just time that helps.

[kirigamirose]

thanks

[StressedoutMotherofTeens]

I too didn't not want to respond. It does get easier my dd now year 10 and the bitchiness does subside. I know it doesn't help your DD atm. I've been there with mine. None of the girls are brave enough not to side with queen b. You say she wants to hang about with boys - if there are a group she knows perhaps she can ask them if she can bother with them for a while as the girls are annoying her they may let her? In my experience boys just get on with it and are quite accepting of new friends whether male or female. Also there may be some other girls in her class that she can tag along with? Although I know that can be painful for some girls to ask. I'll say it again, it will get better.

[kirigamirose]

apparently , dds bestfriend has said that she doesnt want her to go , but dd is really eager to leave the group - she was crying last night

[HungryHippo89]

It will/should be fine - Speaking as someone that has actually been through this - When i left primary school i had a group of 5 best friends we all went to the same secondary school where we all became friends with a few girls we didn't know prior to year 7 - And the bitchyness began - i was completely left out, emtionally bullied as well as actually being beaten up by a group of over 10 girls - my parents were furious and wanted me to move schools - even i wanted to move schools and I never have been one to welcome change. My mum went and spoke to the relevant parents of the girls involved and got nowhere it carried on for a little while longer but I gradually made new friends with 3 girls that had grown uptogether in a tiny village they were very accepting of me and i didn't have to try to be something I wasn't just to fit in and be accepted by Queen B and her bunch of gremlins - By the end of that school year I had a great group of friends and enjoyed the rest of my school life. I would just advise her to try and speak to other people - If she has classes where she can sit with other people and just chat. It won't happen over night but just encourage her. I think if she stays with that group of friends they will cause her on/off misery for the rest of her time at school because as soon as this queen b says "don't be friends with her" the chances are she will be dropped again and the cycle will start over. If these girls so desperatly still want to hang around with your DD then they will make the effort to make sure she feels included. If she makes new friensd male or female maybe her best friend and some of the other girls might ditch the alliance they have with this bitchy girl. As for making friends with boys... Does she have any interests that she could possibly share with them maybe football or gaming or something? Or is there one she knows from primary school she would be comfortable explaining the situation to and just saying would you mind me having lunch with you untill it dies down a bit? In my experience boys generally aren't too fussed about who they are with. Have you tried speaking to someone at her school maybe a Head of House of her form tutor (if you have those) .. Head of year? And maybe asking if there would be someone they could "buddy" her up with so she doesn't feel alone at school? I really hope this gets better for your DD i know all to well how horrible this can make you feel xx

[NanaNina]

Ah sorry to hear about your DD but it is a very common thing and there is always trouble in the girls' friendship groups. Both my son and dil are primary teachers and can see it happening more in year 6 but only with the girls. My DGD is nearly 13 and there is a Queen B in her class, who gets little gangs round her, and freezes others out, but one day Queen B got her come uppance and some of her little gang made a "break out" group and Queen B got very upset and got her older sister to come and "sort out the break out group" but the teachers intervened and Queen B had to start looking for a new gang, but no one was interested, so she's been left with just a couple in her gang.

My dil is very sensible and says that there will be Queen B's all through life and she believes that parents need to teach their daughters the skills to deal with the Queen Bs and the ganging up and freezing out that goes on in the friendhsip groups.

I know how hard it is though when you own DD is upset.

[kirigamirose]

I know nina it seems to be happening alllll the time in dds school - i suppose its just a stage