16 yo daughter self harming! need advice!

(15 Posts)
SittingInTheKitchenSink Thu 29-Nov-12 21:24:38

What the others said... a hugely positive sign that she could tell you. My mother still doesn't know about my self harming (20 years ago) - and she'd be horrified if I told her so it is a real vote of confidence in you as a mum.

For her, its a coping mechanism to deal with pain and confusion and if she can talk to you, she's well on the way to being able to handle things without self harming.

ohthedandy Wed 28-Nov-12 22:18:52

Try the young minds organisation (www.youngminds.org.uk) - they have a parents' helpline 0808 802 5544. Really helped me to actually talk to someone and they sent me a couple of booklets which I gave to my dd. She didn't want to talk to anyone about her self-harming, but I think it helped her to know that I was trying to help her.

The booklets were "mini" really, with pointers about teenage
issues (including sexuality), so your dd might find that helpful too.

It is scary and I was frantic when I realised what was happening with my dd(about a year ago). She still hurts herself when really stressed, but seems to be finding coping much easier now.

funnymummy9 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:35:56

I hope so too x

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 26-Nov-12 22:18:20

Of course you want her to be happy. She knows this which is why she came to you. It does bode well that she has told you. I kept mine secret on and off for 7 years before finally realising I could do without it and break my cycle. I am hoping her telling you shows she doesn't want to do it any more.

funnymummy9 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:13:36

I don't even mind if she is bisexual, I just want her to be happy

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 26-Nov-12 22:12:34

Also feel free to pm me if you have any Q's smile

SirBoobAlot Mon 26-Nov-12 22:11:11

Powerless, yes. Horrible mother, no. This is not your fault. Its not even hers.

ATourchOfInsanity Mon 26-Nov-12 22:10:47

What SirBoob said. I also self harmed and agree that it seems to be something you grow out of as you discover new ways to cope. Only one person knew about mine as I hid it very very well.. so it is indeed a great vote of confidence that she has told you. Hope it all goes well and you find a way to help if she wants it.

funnymummy9 Mon 26-Nov-12 22:09:22

Thank you for your answer, I just feel powerless and like a horrible mother to her. I am happy that she's confided in me though.

44SoStartingOver Mon 26-Nov-12 22:08:15

Oh bless her and you.

Maybe her hiding something she thinks may make you or her other acquaintances unhappy has been a pressure on her. Maybe she is not yet at peace with her sexuality. Telling you could be a huge step forward for her.

My experience of a loved one who self harmed, was that when things came out in the open and the world did nt fall in, it became possible to stop self punishing. Breaking the habit took a while. But it has proven to be possible.

Does she have positive behaviour to promote endorphin production? Exercise? Sport? Something creative? Can she avoid the negative ones like overheating, smoking, drinking and obviously causing herself pain and injury?

God, I do feel for you.

SirBoobAlot Mon 26-Nov-12 22:06:34

Also - try not to make a big deal over it, whilst still acknowledging that she has been using it as a coping strategy. A lot of people use self harm at some period in time to deal with emotional periods in their life.

SirBoobAlot Mon 26-Nov-12 22:03:17

Hi there. I self harmed through my teens, if there's any questions you want to ask me via private message, then please do.

I would say that the fact she has told you all of this is a big vote of confidence in you from her, and one you really should take as a positive sign that she wants to get on top of things.

You could take her to the doctors, but (and this bit will be hard to hear) before you do anything like that, you need to ask her if she wants to stop the self harm. Because if she doesn't and you try and force her to get help before she is ready to, that might do more damage. If she does want to get help, then the either the GP, nurse or school counselor are all possibilities.

If she has had the faith in you to tell you think, I wouldn't tell the school what is going on. You could ask them how things are at school currently, because you have noticed some changes in her.

If its her sexuality that is causing her to feel overwhelmed, maybe one of the young peoples LGBT groups may be good?

Big hugs, I know this must be hard for you to witness.

funnymummy9 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:56:38

I don't know, she's been trying to avoid me a lot lately, I'll defo sit her down and have a proper talk with her. Thank you for your answer.

valpollicella Mon 26-Nov-12 21:53:50

Sorry to hear of this - would she be willing to visit the GP do you think? They would be able (I think) to refer her for counselling and help for her self harm?

Does she want help? I only ask that as it will be easier to help her to get what she needs if she wants to iyswim

funnymummy9 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:46:29

Okay, so recently, teenage daughter confided in me that she's got feelings for girls as well as guys and she thinks she might be bisexual. We had a long chat about it and she also confided in me that she had self-harmed over her questions about her sexuality. She lifted up her t-shirt ever so slighty to reveal many cuts, scars and bruises all over her chest and I was horrified! She burst out crying and I couldn't help her because I was in shock!

So to cut a long story very short, I want to get her help but I don't what to do! Do I get her a counsellor? Talk to her school? Any suggestions would be great!

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