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Teenagers

Sick to death of being guilt tripped

38 replies

Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:03

Non uniform day tomorrow. Daughter 14 refuses to go as she has nothing to wear . Ffs she has hundreds of pounds worth of clothes in her room. I'm am sick to death of her making me feel guilty.

I know it may sound trivial but it's made me so upset .

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izzyishavingababyAGAIN · 22/11/2012 21:06

Its a typical teenage rant, why are you even taking any notice?

Mine has a trainer obsession, I have no trainers, there are over 30 pairs in room!

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:09

She missed two days of school a couple of weeks ago because she was in a strop. She needs to go but I bet she doesn't . Had parents evening tonight , it was ok but not as good as it should be. I hate that she's like her father who used to manipulate me .

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TallulahTinsel · 22/11/2012 21:09


I am apparently a terrible mum as I won't (can't afford) to spend £35 on a gig ticket for my 14yo next month. Despite fact he is already going to a gig then.

It does make e worry that I have raised him with too big a sense of entitlement but am sure it's typical teenage behaviour :(
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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:12

I truly dislike her . She knows exactly what she's doing to me. I have chucked a couple if things I've bought her for Xmas on her bed. I won't be buying anything else .

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:14

It's the fact that she'll miss more lessons that I'm angry about.

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LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 22/11/2012 21:16

How can she miss lessons if you throw her out the house in the morning?

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izzyishavingababyAGAIN · 22/11/2012 21:17

But Doin, cant you see by giving her her christmas presents she is winning?

Personally Id get her up at school time, remove the TV and phone cables, xbox, unplug route and cancel her sim card, yes she wont be in school - but she will have a dreadful day (and I have done all of the above at the same time).

It may cost you £5 to get a replacement sim, but then its a few days without her phone and internet, while it arrives.

I'd also fine her a weeks pocket money every time she misses a day of school for a trivial reason.

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izzyishavingababyAGAIN · 22/11/2012 21:18

*router

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izzyishavingababyAGAIN · 22/11/2012 21:18

what did you tell school about why she wasnt in?

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:22

Easier said than done to physically throw her out of the house, she's bigger than me.

I told the school that she wasn't in because she'd thrown a strop.

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timeforachangebaby · 22/11/2012 21:25

Yes been there done that, thats why making being in the house unpleasant is a good idea - no TV, no internet, no mobile, no phone, no pocket money, not much fun then is it.

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:27

I will remove her phone, laptop, tv cable etc and I might not come home after work. I am sick and tired if her I'm having a rubbish time at work and just don't feel strong enough to deal with her any more.

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timeforachangebaby · 22/11/2012 21:30

Doin, do it, you cant really change the way she behaves, all you can do is change how you react to it, I can remember a certain individual moaning when I got in and shouted at him because she "had had a lovely day" - she had just been suspended FFS, this is when I started the - ensuring a crap day was had routine.

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:36

Doubt I can get her phone off her as she sleeps with it under her pillow and she will fight me to stop me getting it.

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:36

I'll try though. I can def take her lap top

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timeforachangebaby · 22/11/2012 21:38

No dont take phone, dont even argue about it if she will fight you - tell her if she doesnt go to school you will report sim stolen, then actually do it, they will send you a new sim, but she will realise you mean business.

Can you get stuff into the car when she is in bed? That way there is no big fight in the morning, its a calm - "you can have it back when you go to school" repeated ad infinitim.

It drives them mad being without Internet/phone!

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timeforachangebaby · 22/11/2012 21:39

you dont need the laptop, you can take the router!

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 21:40

I can't take the router as I have lodgers who will need the Internet.

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timeforachangebaby · 22/11/2012 21:54

Good luck whatever you end up doing, the most important thing I found is to make refusing to go to school, unpleasant and not like an extra day off.

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 22:00

Thank you Time . I'll do my best to make it miserable for her .

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Maryz · 22/11/2012 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 23:09

She said to me " we'll you go to my room and see what I can wear then, you'll see I have nothing" to which I replied" no , I can't be bothered".

She kept saying she won't go to school and I said " we'll don't then".

You are right about detaching but inside I seethe. I have to go to work so don't know what she'll get up to when I'm not here. I will take her laptop with me and the tv cable.

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flow4 · 22/11/2012 23:22

Oh Doin, it's exhausting, isn't it. My DS used to try this kind of blackmailing a lot.

She's playing games. Don't play with her! She'll be in trouble at school if she doesn't go, which she will know, and I don't think she'll want to miss a non-uniform day because they are generally popular and fun.

Don't rise to it. Say to her (as calmly as possible) "It's up to you. If you don't go, I'll 'phone school and tell them you're playing games, and you'll lose privileges at home. Night." And go to bed!

When you go to work tomorrow, if she doesn't go to school, then call them and tell them why she's not there. Take the router/laptop/whatever with you if you need to. But it might be easier to simply block internet access (if you're on BT broadband I can tell you exactly how!). Or if you are comfortable switching your power off at the mains (just flicking the big switch in the mains box) and you know she won't know what to do about that, that is far and away the easiest thing to do!

Don't even talk to her about it when you get home.

Leave her to sort out any trouble at school. She will at least get a detention. My DS's school used to put them in isolation for a day for truanting.

I have mixed feelings about 'making it miserable'. It depends on whether you can do this without engaging with her at all. You basically need to give her NO response to this kind of blackmailing - and I'm afraid that 'making it miserable' probably counts as a response. Confused She wants your attention and your reaction, and if you get upset or cross, if you nag or shout or lecture, then she has got it, and she 'wins' at the game she is playing!

But you certainly need to make it very very boring! Grin

Oh and don't worry about a day of school work. A day is only a day. And it's much less important than dealing with this situation effectively. :)

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flow4 · 22/11/2012 23:24

Ooo I see things have moved on while I wrote that post!
Well done, that sounds like you are in control again :)
Seething inside is perfectly understandable... Just don't let her know!
Detach, like Maryz says.
Go and do something nice after work tomorrow to make you feel happier before you go home. Grin

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Doinmummy · 22/11/2012 23:29

Thank you flow. I wish I knew why she's doing this .
My only defence is to blank her but sometimes she gets so wound up by me ignoring her that she lashes out. If I took her phone she would def go for me, so will not attempt that.

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