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Teenagers

withdrawn 12yr old

3 replies

missy8 · 08/11/2005 21:08

can anyone give me advice with my dd,after we had to quickly uproot and move due to threats from vile yobs my dd has become withdrawn and as started telling lies to dh and myself,school are concerned about her as am i,she is quite immature for her age and i would just like advice on how to handle this problem,also any suggestions on how she can make new friends for herself..

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loonybin · 08/11/2005 22:48

I think if she is becoming more withdrawn she could be depressed. Try discussing how she feels, reassure her you understand and are always there for her. The lies point to insecurity, so lavishing tlc on her will help combat this, too. Spend special time with her. 'Mother and daughter' days are good. Eg: go out for lunch and have a chat or, if finances allow, a shopping trip or a film at the cinema. If she's worried about being seen out with you by peers, go further afield. Ask her what she would like to do, find out what she's really interested in. A new pet could help her focus on something outside herself. Horseriding could be a good hobby and she may make new friends through this. You could visit relatives together to encourage her to talk to others within her own comfort zone.

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Tortington · 08/11/2005 23:55

after school clubs, karate, guides - something which may get her firends outside school if shes not getting on well at school.

talk to school get school to give her a "buddy" someone older than her to look after her - the bbuddies usually take their role seriously and love the power of responsability.

if shes in secondary school there wil be an after school programme - maths and english and drama and netball. secondary school is clicky and you need to try and get her in one.


also you need to spend some time with her doing some stuff like make up or hair or nails or take an interest in what shes doing, ban your dh from the living room and take over.

can you take her shopping for a new outfit - have you got some spare cash? make her feel better in herself - a little time just you and her and tammy girl and a cake from a cafe.

does she have huge spots? is she fat? has she started her periods? these things all need your help - as its social suicide.

hows her school work? does she need help? my kids lie to teachers when they havent completed homework - it turns into an unneccesary spiral where half my family took ill and died or something!

maybe shes behind in class needs some catch up help - my youngest son always forgets equipment - like the right pen a pencil, a ruler. then gets in trouble then gets detention then lies. all avoided if we can be more organised.

can you arrange a sleepover? can she invite 2 or 3 friends round - i suggest a friday after school then you dont have to put up with screaming girls all day. then you can send them home early in the morning - help to cement a gang of friendship.

has she got the "right" shoes, socks, coat - anything which can make the child an individual ironically they have to go round like sheep and have expensive skechers or something - maybe addidas socks ar ethe way to go. or a NIKE coat.

now i personally dont do that shit - becuase my kids will knock anyone out who dare comment - however i was the kid at school who thought mum had no money and so never asked for anything and ended up with some fucking awful gear to wear.

trainers in PE - must be named or its a virtual death penalty.

all very very hard when you have more than one kid and your skint. but just infomring you!

also my kids gets periods of time where they darent ask for something they need, becuase they heard me having a minature meltdown over a bill, we eventually find out after they have had a week of detentions becuase they havent brought in some type of equipment - they darent ask for - makes you feel most guilty - so check that out.

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missy8 · 09/11/2005 09:54

thanks guys,im going into school for chat with her teacher and head of year and im going to ask about after school clubs,also i think it's a good idea for sometime alone with her for a mother,daughter day as i think this will make her feel special..cheers...

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