Cannabis use anyone? - question, not offer!

[motheroftwoboys]

I have suspected for a few months that my DS - 15 has been dabbling with cannabis. I have asked him about it and, naturally, he has lied and made up all manner of excuses for whatever it was that I asked him about. My DH has been talking to him today and he has now admitted it. We (DH and me) are going to talk more tonight. Any advice anyone. Don't want to come down to heavy on this but don't want him to think we think it is ok. Can't be too hypocritical as so many people people did this when I was a teenager. I have never used drugs or smoked so haven't got much experience. I know at last year's parents night at his very good independent boys school, the head told us that it would be unusual if a Year 10 boy nowadays had not experimented. what is your experience of this if any?

[cardQUEENcod]

Take him to court one day to see what happens when you get caught dealing it!

[motheroftwoboys]

I don't think he has been dealing it - just tried it when out with some friends. He has recently starting listening to reggae - must think it's the right thing to do lol. As I said, I haven't, but remember very many of friends using cannabis when I was that age. And that was a VERY LONG time ago as am quite ancient now.

[felicity24]

Must admit most of the teens did it when i was that age nothing extreme and i certainly grew out of it, I wouldnt say condone it but going mad prob wont help i think it is on par with binge dinking if you say know it will just encourage them I would would just give them the facts

[cardQUEENcod]

yes agree that its a rite of passage
bti he may find that interesting

[Cha]

No experience yet of my kids doing it (4 and 2) but I think you are showing what a good parent you are by posting here. My dp works with young people in drug education and from what you have said, I think you have it spot on. You need to let him know that you do not think it is at all acceptable and a cool thing to do. Facts that you might like to furnish him with are that skunk (new hybred of the old stuff we used to smoke) is very strong and not at all good for you. The govt are even thinking on going back on the downgrading of cannibis because excessive use of skunk has been so linked to mental illness in the young. And that cannabis, although not physically addictive, is certainly psychologically so - and the earlier you start and the more you do, the harder it will be to kick the habit.
But you also have to be realistic in that your son would not be a 'normal' teenager if he did not experiment. IMO if it is recreational, ie something he does with his mates at a party or hanging out at the weekend, although not ideal, is bearable. Doing it every day or before school and then you have a real problem.
Would you class your boy as a 'risk taker' ie someone who acts before he thinks?

[tedebear]

Where we come from absolutely everyone smokes it...which means that their kids often see their parents smoking and they then think its ok for them to do it....

At 15 I didn't even know what it was!!

Anyhow when my son gets to that age we're going to have the chat with him that goes along these lines..."We know everyone else does it, and we'll be upset but understand if you try it, but let us know where and when so if something goes wrong we can help. IF however we find and evidence that you then start trying harder drugs we will come down on you like a ton of bricks as that will not be acceptable at all full stop!! Any rights you have as our son go out the window then"

Anyhow thats how we're going to tackle it if we need to... his father races in historic motorsport and I'm sure he will too - thats the sort of thing he will lose access too if he choses to do things we can't approve of!!

Good luck - its a nightmare all parents face and dealing with it seems to divide alot of people!!

xxx

[RosiePosie]

Tbh, I would much rather my child dabble with cannabis than with alcohol - that's far more damaging.

[motheroftwoboys]

Thanks, thanks and thanks some more. I seem to have put this thread up twice, so sorry. It really helps to talk to you all

[Feistybird]

MO2B, Custardo has been dealing (pardon the pun) with her son about this...hope she'll be along soon, although she tends to have a rather errrr direct way

[Feistybird]

ah I see she's already responded on your other thread.

[Tortington]

chop his fingers off and tell him to roll a joint then!

[Feistybird]

I rest my case

[motheroftwoboys]

the way I am feeling that is quite a reasonable suggestion. Little toerag! Lucky for him it is school speech "days" tonight so will not see him til later. I am one of those bad parents who does not do speechdays. They are unsufferably boring!!

[Cha]

Motheroftwoboys - hope all is well in your household... Just thought I'd add another little bit to what I said yesterday. My dp is a youth/drug worker and he is currently involved in a study run by King's College hospital here in SE London. They are sending out questionnaires to schools to 'test' for risk takers / kids that act on impulse etc. Their research has proved that it is these types of children that are most at risk from all types of drugs. If you would describe your son as a boy who does not think before he acts, hits first and asks questions later, always getting into trouble for not thinking his actions through etc, then you need to be extra vigilent in your parenting around drugs. If he does not fit the profile above, then the likelihood is that he will dabble and experiment but not have a long term problem. This is just their research, not the god's honest truth or anything, but my dp certainly thinks there is a lot of good sense in what they are finding.

[Tortington]

i dont know a teenager who thinks things through!

[motheroftwoboys]

and they always find an excuse! My DS has (apparently) AD tendencies but not the HD bit so that definitely means he acts (and speaks) without thinking and generally ties himself up in knots. He is c... p at telling lies! I haven't yet spoken to him about this. Biding my time. He must know I know as DH has talked to him. He has been told to come straight home from school and will be in deepest trouble if he doesn't. Not sure yet if I am going to stop his allowance. Think will threaten further action - stopping money, talking to parens of friends etc - only if he carries on. Will give him a chance to redeem himself and spend more time with us and less hanging around the skatepark. Apparently he did the "but everybody does it" bit with DH which I don't believe for a moment.

[Chloe55]

Hmm it's a hard one, thing is if you come down too hard on him he is likely to do it more so I should imagine. Let him know that it worries you a lot and that you are getting upset by what he is doing (I always responded better to my mum being upset, rather than cross) However, in my area it is the 'norm' and in fact is still so in my group of friends (I'm in my mid-twenties). I don't personally smoke it, but have no issues with friends having a dabble. I am much more concerned with my child becoming involved with ecstasy/cocaine/speed which I have been brought up around but chose to not participate in. I did get a lot of shit as a kid for not joining in though so I know how hard it can be for kids. I also came from a respectable area, not that it makes much difference!

[alibubbles]

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