Pocket money angst help.

[CardyMow]

We are on a (very) limited income at the moment, as I am pregnant and not working, and DP only gets £16,000pa (before tax). DD is 12 and a half, and currently believes that I am evil because we can't give her much (if any) pocket money. We have a choice to either save up for birthday and christmas presents OR give the DC regular pocket money. Doing both is not an option. We don't have holidays or a car, so no further savings can be made. She is awfully mouthy towards me and DP because her friends all get (far too much) pocket money, both her best friends come from families with 2 (much larger) incomes, and seem to get £10 credit a week AND £10-15 spending money a week. We try our best to stretch to £5 credit a fortnight ( i don't put any more than that on MY phone) and to give her £20 when we get the child benefit once a month, so she can go out swimming or roller skating with her friends, but we do not have any more after that. Her friends go out on both a Saturday AND a sunday every week, and she is left at home shouting and arguing with me constantly because it's my fault her friends 'leave her out'. What do I do???

[WkdSM]

I'd treat her like an adult.

Sit down with her and go through an Income and Expenses form.

Show her the amount coming in, what all the bills are (don't forget things like TV licence and home insurance as well as Christmas and Birthdays that might be paid annually). Maybe on a spreaadsheet - kids seem to read a screen better than a piece of paper nowdays (becoming my mother)

Include items like food - if necessary go on tesco / asda web sites and show her how much a weekly shop costs.

Then ask her where she thinks the economies ought / could come from.

You might get a 'it's not fair' response but you might actually get through to her. At least she than can't say you have not been honest with her.

Good luck

[scurryfunge]

Could she get a paper round?

You are giving her pocket money of £20 a month, though.

[CardyMow]

I think a lot of it is that she is seeing what her friends get/have, and fails to understand that we are just not in the same income bracket as they are! One of her two best friends OWNS 2 horses! (And the stables to put them in!) Round here they won't let you have a paper round or out-of-school job until you are 14yo. I have tried to explain about our income and expenditures...her answer was for DP to get a better paid job (he can't, he's dyslexic, left school with no exams, and is doing the only thing he knows how to), and for me to get a job. (Being 23 weeks pg, who the hell would employ me, and that's without the fact that I have epilepsy, and have been unable to find anyone willing to employ me for the last 3 yrs, since my last workplace shut down!) She says it's our fault because we don't earn enough! Then we get the shouts, and doors slamming, the 'I'm bored' etc.

[scurryfunge]

I'd be encouraging her to get a job at the stables then .

My DS did jobs for neighbours, car washing, etc. He sells the odd thing on ebay too to make money. He sells old computer games at the game shop.

He also buys cheap crap and sells to his friends at a profit (drinks, sweets,etc).

She is not too far off babysitting either, I would think.

She will soon realise it doesn't get her anywhere moaning about it and taking it out on you.

[CardyMow]

She's got another year and a half before the school will sign the necessary forms for her to get a job. Do they really get out of the moaning at their parents about it? She does do the selling cheap tat to her friends though. But all that gives her is more money to spend on food at break.

[toomanytimes]

How about dog walking for neighbours.

DD gets 10 pound a month for top up credit and lucky her the same each week for pocket money, but that is only because we are a 2 income family and with that she has to buy any make up, go to pictures etc, there is no more and she knows it. If I had to give up work, she would need to cut back and knows it. Due to all these cuts I may have to take a pay cut and told her that pocket money may have to go down to £5.00 a week. She moaned a bit but reality is that she would need a roof over her head and bills to be paid before her luxury.

I am sure teenagers do not know how lucky they are. I never had any pocket money at her age.

DD moans all the time for no particular reason I think they can't help themselves.

[Lauriefairycake]

DD aged 12 would like to answer your question

1. explain about the recession and that you can't give her money you don't have
   

1. tell her to do chores for the neighbours - car washing, light gardening, weelie bin cleaning, dog walking
   

1. offer her the choice whether to have £50 of xmas presents and the other £50 over the year as pocket money - or whatever the sum is
   

1. punish her when she is stroppy and mean to you as dd says she is not allowed to do that

[DandyDan]

Great advice above, especially about the dog-walking. Depending on which county you live in, the rules are different for what ages you can do certain jobs. In some counties, it is okay to work a few hours from age 13, your local stables being a good example, or washing up, or preparing food/items in a back room of a shop.

Our 12 yr old has no phone. If she did, she'd get £10/month top-up at most.
She gets £3 per week pocket money.

[cory]

We are not on benefits but even so dd only got an allowance of £12 a month last year when she was 12; it has now gone up to £13, so still far less than your dd is getting. Fortunately, the other families around here seem to function on a similar level: I suppose it's discrepancy the makes it more difficult for you. I remember my mum always saying how lucky she was that our friends were not spoilt.

Do as Laurie's dd suggests, harden your heart, do not feel guilty, and pull her up when she is rude or unkind.

[bren66]

Both my husband and are working and my daughter (14) gets £5pw plus £10pm phone contract and my son (11) gets £3pw pocket money. I was a single mum for 7 years and have always been honest with my children about money and if we couldn't afford something they were told. We are in a better financial position now but I hope that I have given then a better understanding of money. Try and explain to your children. I am always amazed at how much mine understand. My daughter's peers always have more money than her but she never complains.

[mumeeee]

Your DD gets far more than our DD's did at 12 or even 15.She gets £20 a month so she is getting pocket money you also put £5 credit on her phone every fortnight. So She actually gets £30 a month, DD3 is 18 and she doesn't put more than £10 on her phone a month.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

You say her friends get £10 phone credit a week? That's one hell of alot of credit for a 12 year old to be using!

There are far too many good phone sim only contracts (the 30 day rolling ones where you don't have to sign up for long) with unlimited texts and about 100 mins for less than £10 a month. Tesco have a sim only deal for £6 and Virgin have one for £8.50 per month.

You say you give her £20 a month from the child benefit? So £5 a week.A perfectly respectable amount of pocket money for a 12 year old to have as pocket money.

My DD is 12 and she gets £5 a week for which she is expected to help around the house)- most of her friends get a similar amount. We can afford to give her more but can't think why she would need it.I also think it's important that she learns to budget and choose what she spends her money on wisely.

Kids don't need to be going bowling, skating, cinema etc twice a week every week.
If she gave me any lip about it, she would find it disappearing pretty quick.

Don't feel guilty- sounds like she gets plenty for her age.

[BelligerentGhoul]

My dds are 15 and 13 and get 10 pounds phone credit a month and 30 pounds spending money each a month and I earn almost three times as much as your dp.

If either of them shouted and argued with me about money, they would instantly get nothing at all for that week/month.
I think what she's getting is perfectly adequate for a 12 year old and that she would soon appreicate that if she got none for a week or two! Her behaviour is out of order and she needs to know that - especially the comments re: her dad getting a better job.

In the meantime, if her friends are nice girls, they ought to consider doing cheap/free things more often. Maybe your dd could suggest that they come round to your house and make a cake and watch a DVD for example? Or that they go to the park for a game of tennis or something?