Out of control teenage girls

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

Anyone else dealing with the vileness of teenage girls?

So far d(not adding the 'dear' at the moment)has

Lied about having an older boyf (shes 15.5 ,he's 18/19)
Runaway with said boyf and been brought home by police
Smoked in her room constantly when told it's banned in our house.
Having underage sex (found preg test in her room)
Found clues to dope useage (bong found in room)
Refusing to go to school
General shitty behaviour towards us and younger siblings.

Had enough now and called in SS to help us sort this mess out.

Anyone else dealing with vile behaviour?

[thelunar66]

Been there and come out of the other side, thank God.

DD at 16 went off to live with a 29 year old waster she had met at the bus stop When I tried to talk to her, she hit me.

She is lovely now, if that is any help to you OP.

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

Thanks Lunar.

Just wanted to start a thread as yesterday when looking for any help/chat on the interweb,there wasn't that many places that discussed the extreme levels that teen girls can go to.It's very isolating and lonely to have a child out of control.

Did you have any help via ss? guessing not as your daughter was 16.

Police aren't all that bothered here.

[thelunar66]

No help, no.

I really thought I'd lost my DD. It took 2 years for her to realise that this bloke was a complete waster. she has hinted since that he was abusive to her too

How I stopped DH going round and killing him I'll never know.

We also had all the getting drunk, smoking defiently etc too.

Actually... by the time she moved in with waster bloke it was quite a relief. The peace in the house was lovely.

Anyway... age 22 she suddenly seemed like her old sweet self again and actually apologised for all the hassle she gave us.

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

I'm glad your daughter turned the awfulness around Lunar.

I'm trying to be positive and am hoping for the same chink of light.

[babalon]

my (d)d is 13 and is refusing to follow any rules atm.
Was grounded following several episodes of coming home when she wanted not when told. But waited til I went to hang the washing out and ran off and went up town to meet her new boyfriend who is 3 yrs older than her. I had locked the doors and hidden all her shoes!

Gave my dh the run around when he finnaly tracked her down.she is generally vile, lazy, self centred only talks to me if she wants to go somewhere or have money.

If I tell her a rule or punishment etc she just says 'no' 'no'

I have barely spoken to her for 2 weeks since the town incident happened.
I just don't know what you can do if a teen decides they will just do as they please?

In the past when i have asked for her ipod or phone because she's on them late at night she refuses and i have gone to take them off her she has bitten me, hit me, kicked me and pulled my hair.

I can't believe she's like this already at 13! What did ss say?

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

I'm totally with you on it bablon

Honestly,I have NO answers.

Called SS first thing this am and we were told if she wants to run off,let her and just call the police (again).Someone from ss was supposed to have got back to us to take further details.

No call as of yet.

Fat fecking lot of help eh?

D has gone out again without our permission.Here's hoping she comes back tonight.

We have removed everything-phone,internet,locked house phone and she has no money.
It doesn't stop the behaviour from continuing ime.

[desertmum]

I so feel for you - my dd was awful at 13, sneaking out of the house at night, meeting up with totally inappropriate people, lying, etc. It was AWFUL.

She turns 16 on Saturday and is now lovely again. She says she really doesn't understand why she was so awful - it just 'happened'.

Not a lot of help I know but hang in there she will return . . we kept telling her we loved her over and over again altho we also said we didn't like the behaviour - just keep emphasising that it is the behaviour you don't like not her. I think underneath all the awfulness they still need to hear you love them - even when sometimes saying the words is really, really hard.

[toomanytimes]

Dear Raceagainsttheteen.

Well what can I say/advise.

I too have a 13yr DD and she is very vile, we already have ss involved and believe me it is more trouble than it's worth. Like you we were told that if she wants to leave then just let her and call the police, does not matter what time it is. SS are only interested in DD rights. We have taken away phone, tried grounding, stopped pocket money only to be told by ss " that we are the adults and we need to shift in our attitude towards DD. They told DD that they would try and talk to us about getting the above things back early. We were told to make some ground rules for the whole family with consequences. So far 2 weeks down the line,DD is sort of behaving apart from the shouting. She now hands her phone over at 10.00 every night, no swearing, otherwise loses 20p off pocket money, late for school, loses £1.00 off pocket money and gounded with no sleep overs. Believe me when I tell you that DD can be violent, verbally abusive and often would say no no to things. SS stated that the can't do anything about her behaviour. They are not interested in our sanity. Now I can be evil when faced with DD, I regularly cut off her internet access to her phone, which irritates the life out of her and now she knows that I will follow through. Now maybe I am synical but this good behaviour could be down to its her birthday in 2 weeks !!

Hang in there, stay firm on the consequences and follow through. Here's hoping it works for both you and I. ps as for the ss, she had a piece of my mind!!

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

toomany

I have heard of similar issues of the non help from ss towards parents of unruly teens.

A dear friend had ss involved and said the same as you,we are very dubious tbh and are not expecting any support for ourselves from ss.

I've also had first hand dealings with them before (d's friend stayed here for a bit under ss's acknowledgement) and we saw it firsthand.

Feel free to pm me (now it's free! )

I'd welcome you to add your experiences,rants and daily moans to this thread,no judgement here on our parenting...I know it helps me to get it all out,everyone in RL is sick of me ranting!

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

Thanks for your input maryz

I am striving for a peaceful house,be it with d in it or not (and at the moment, it's nicer without d here,sad but bloody true)

[rose1927]

Hey my 17 DD is pregnant going for her 20 week scan soon .... I have told her I want it to be a girl....so it can grow up just like her.....they are an absolute nightmare, I can see no end in sight....bah humbug.

[ShinyAndNew]

I don't have an out of control teenage girl, but I have been one.

The bong, doesn't neccessrily mean that she is smoking drugs. I used to have things like that just cause they were 'funny'. So did my mates and only some of us used them.

Wrt the boyfriend, the more you push him away, the more she will want him. I moved in with mine at 17 years old. Obviously set ground rules etc. But banning her from seeing him will only add to his appeal. I would ask her to think about what sort of 19 year old boy is interested in a scholl girl though. But I doubt that it will get through to her.

If she has pregnancy tests in her room you need to get her on the pill and have a good chat with her about STD's. I have a book called 'What your parents don't want you to know' that covered sexual health really well.

But FWIW I came out the other side when I was about 18/19 and my mum is now best friend. I love her to bits and we speak everyday. I'm not an addict and I managed not to kill myself. My 'career' is none existant, mind you, because I fannyed about at college and ultimately left before I completed my qualifications. But I am hoping to register as a trainee vet nurse soon, so all is not lost

[thelunar66]

Agree with Shiney re the bong. It doesn't necessarily mean she is doing drugs. The paraphanalia is quite attractive and quirky. I remember wearing a tiny silver coke spoon on a chain around my neck at that age and would never have dreamed of trying coke. I wore it for effect, to impress my peers. That is how teenagers are.

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

Yes,you are probably correct about the drug paraphanalia and not actually using drugs,it's just ANOTHER concern of ours.We are also fairly rural ,there are no hippydippy shops in our town and I know you have to be 18 to buy bongs/pipes etc so gawd knows where she got it from or who bought it .

We are pretty liberal with her,she is allowed boyfriends and to go to parties or stay out later at weekends,I'm not daft and realise,if she wants to drink,have sex,she'll find an opportunity to do so.

What is pissing us off is her pisspoor attendance for school and her attitude.In our eyes,if you go to school,do the best that you can then yes,you are showing mature and responsible behaviour but refusing to go to school,you don't earn any priviledges-hence the grounding.

On saying that she's actually gone to school today

SS called today,they cannot offer any help and think we are handling her behaviour correctly.

Thanks for the help SS!

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

Feel free to rant away maryz

[ArghMyEyesMyEyes]

Dear god, thank goodness I'm not alone. Not that I'd wish what's been going on my house over the last few days on even my worst enemy, but it's comforting to know that there are others out there trying to cope with the same things.

I wish I knew how to make it all stop.

[toomanytimes]

Hi Rageagainsttheteen

Sorry to be bit thick but what does pm me mean I am really struggling sometimes with these abbreviations, must be getting old!!

SS called today and would like a meeting. She met DD yesterday, with DD telling her all appears to be calm in the house at the moment, what she didn't tell her was that DD is doing he best to start an argument. School also rang to inform me that the counselling courses arranged will not start for another month if then because of Government cuts. DD is going to school but gets loads of detentions and has been suspended twice for verbal abuse, so know how you are feeling.

[tinkgirl]

SS are usually pretty useless and I'm talking from another professional point of view, I've referred parents which I've worked with in the past to a helpine called parentline plus. You should be able to get the number if you google them. The feedback which I've got has been good. We have a local service called parenting 2000 which help families and can arrange counselling sessions etc. I'd look up other signs i.e. physical ones of drug use before making any assumptions. I'm at the pre-teen stage so am dreading all this ....

[RageAgainstTheTeen]

It doesn't make me feel any better Maryz,it makes fucking angry that YOU are NOT getting any support with your son's drug abuse.

SS told us the same line 'when it really gets out of hand THEN we maybe able to offer help'

Erm... what's out of hand'? Joyriding? Attempted murder?

I shan't be calling SS again.