Should I let him spend all his time on a computer? Help!

[jonsie20]

I have son (13) who doesnt want any family time, sports or other, and to get away with no chores, and instead spent am to pm on computers. He sees one older friend but gave up on seeing his school friends out of school during the hols. Mealtimes he speed eats to rush back upstairs. In the car he turns the music up loud and sometimes asks me not to talk.

I am a single mum and his dad suggests there's nothing we can do. Is he normal? Will this change? I feel utterly frustrated.
Help I need a little support??

[mummytime]

Do not let him have a computer in his room.

[Tortington]

my son is 17 and spends a lot of time on the puter, but at that age he sounds exactly the same as your son.

My thinking was, if i was to be a good parent, i need to make sure he is a social animal as much as possible, so i have used various strategies over the years, and they change with age, so you have to change and adapt too.

our evenings went like this. home from school, change uniform, homework, puter until tea is done
all eat together - this was v. imp. for me.

after tea, chores, i used to ask the kids what chores they would like and negotiate with them, eg, washing up or kitchen sides, setting the table and clearing it and giving it a wipe, that kind of thing, nothing that would be more than 15 mins at most.

then he could go on his puter.

at bedtime aroudn 10pm, i would go in and turn it off.

once i got grief - lost the plot and cut off all the plugs ( shit you not!) not advocating this btw!

at weekends, i told him to go out

'no one is coming out'

i don't care, walk round the block or something - dont come back for an hour.

invariably he would get to go to a friends house and stay there the whole day or even for a sleepover -

the long and short of it is - i chucked my kids out (dd too) its easy for them to become loners and i didn't want that to happen, it doesn't help with school life

[kimiasol]

look for a program which you can set like a timer. once time`s up, the computer locks up

[mumeeee]

At 13 our DD's were not allowed a computer in thier rooms and they were only allowed to be on it "hours a day an school holidays and about 1 hour on school days. They were allowed more as they got older and if they were doing homework on it.
Now my youngest is 18 and she regulates her own computer time. We do try and turn the internet off by midnight though.

[jonsie20]

Thanks,
I feel better knowing he's not the only one. I will try some of suggestions. He says he wants to go to a concert with friends so perhaps I can bargain with this on the chores.

I heard eating at a table every day can make a massive difference to kids. We never do this and the TV is always on. But I'll try again.